Choices have consequences

Dear Feminist successfully flirts with logic:

before I line up behind your banner proclaiming that ‘More Than Half The Housework Is Unfair!’ I have a couple of questions for you:

1. Before pairing up with your current ‘spouse,’ how did you attempt to filter your dates to eliminate ‘domestic non-helpers’ and attract men who were more domestically inclined?

2. Who was considered more socially dominant and/or higher on the social hierarchy when you first started going out? You, or him?

3. Who explicitly asked who out first? You, or him?

4. Who was making more money when you first started going out? You, or him?

5. Who explicitly initiated sex first? You, or him?

Now, if your answers are “not really anything,” “him,” “him,” “him,” and “him,” and then I trust you can see the problem. But there are those who will read this that might be a little slower than you, so I’m going to spell it out. What you’re asking for is for your post-courtship relationship to be even-steven, even though before and during courtship you were perfectly happy to enjoy the benefits of a wildly imbalanced relationship where the man took on all the risks of overt rejection, and where your standards had nothing to do with finding a man with egalitarian values. Instead you chose one who embodied the dominant, high-on-the-social-hierarchy, patriarchal values that you now chafe against.

I'm impressed. There is literally nothing here to mock. Dear Feminist is correct, as it is both hypocritical and illogical to select for one behavior pattern pre-marriage, then expect another one post-marriage.

Of course, this applies to anti-feminist men just as well as feminists. If the woman you're dating is a hot pig, she's not going to magically transform into Little Mrs. Houseproud and start polishing the silver just because you marry her. If she can't bother to work out now, don't be surprised when she puts on 30 pounds in the next year or three. And if she's a raging nymphet who can't ever get enough, don't be shocked when she shags the pool boy, the UPS man, and your neighbor.

People grow and mature, but they seldom change at their core. That doesn't mean a slut can't reform, a player can't retire, or a messy individual can't learn to clean the house only that they will have to make a conscious and continuing effort to do so. The important thing to keep in mind is that marriage is a commitment, it isn't some sort of magic transmogrification ritual.