Remembering Commando

I've been meaning to write this post for literally 2 years, but whenever it would come up on my list, something else would come up and it would fall by the wayside.

Well, today is the day that I am finally going to tackle it.

So, what can you say about a movie like Commando. It is a movie that divides people, since there are those who think it is one of the worst movies of Schwartzenegger's career and there are people who think it is awesome.

I am in the latter camp.

I love Commando. I mean, I really really love it.

In my mind, if I was trying to explain what an action movie is, it is the first one that comes to mind for me.

The basic premise of the movie is some bad guys kidnap Arnold's daughter and he has to kill a lot of people to get her back. If you've seen the movie, you would agree that is what the movie is. And that's what the trailer lays out for you too.

In a bit more detail, John Matrix is a former special forces badass whose daughter, Jenny, is kidnapped by a South American dictator he helped oust and former member of his team, Bennett, and they want him to go back to that country to assassinate the leader he helped install to save his daughter's life.

Knowing that Jenny is as good as dead if he goes through with the assassination, Matrix decides that he is going to rescue her, and he only has as long as the plane is in the air to do so. With the help of a reluctant flight attendant, he sets out on his odyssey through Southern California to do just that.

It is stupid as hell on a lot of levels, but I don't care. Sometimes you just need an action movie that is quotes surrounded by lots of things blowing up and dudes punching each other. At times, it is a little homoerotic, but whatever.

But in essence, it is a video game made into a movie. All the major scenes are like setpiece battles from a modern game. There is a driving stage, a couple of beat em up stages, the first person shooter level all with bosses to be conquered. It is as if the writers of 1985 could see what games would become and just built a movie around those narrative constraints.

And here is the weird thing: it wasn't until a few years ago that I realized that the guy who plays Bennett was the same actor that was the main antagonist of The Road Warrior.

In the end, it isn't fine cinema, but it is a lot of fun, and really, that is all that I expect from it. It is one of the movies from my childhood that still looks good for its age and stands up well. To me, like Predator, it doesn't feel dated, like The Running Man does.

Remembering God Hand

God Hand is the last game made by Clover Studios, the creators of Viewtiful Joe and Okami. It is an action game in the classical sense, a brawler that hearkens back to when you would feed quarters into arcade machines because there was no other way to continue. Its design aesthetic is stuck in the 90s, the environments are very plain, there are less than ten different enemy types during the entire multi-chaptered adventure, the soundtrack is something out of an old side-scrolling brawler, and the game will punish you with its difficulty. If you give it half a chance, it will brutalize you. It is ugly, juvenile, rude, and so hard as to alienate most of the people who would ever think to pick it up. If you do not understand its system, it will not teach you. If you do not learn, you will not progress. If you aren't skilled, you won't have any fun.

If that turns you off, I think it's fair to say that this game is not for you. You don't need to read the rest of this review; God Hand is not the kind of game you will enjoy.

Everyone who's left? Let's talk about why God Hand was made for people like you and me. -Introduction to the God Hand review at VGChartz

I was one of those people who, after reading something like that, was still standing there.

Now, there are a lot of times when I try to find a subtext or some other artistic/narrative element to wax eloquently about, or I attempt to talk about how the thing I am discussing is a wonderful satire or uplifts the human spirit. This is not one of those Remembering posts. This is going to be one of those posts where I am talking about the item in question like I am 13. In fact, I am going to be talking about one of the best beat em ups I've ever played.

Because sometimes, you just have to beat up a lot of people and you don't really need to think about the understated charm of a character's growth through a narrative.... you just have to keep hitting people.

You see, God Hand is a game that is very much a throwback to the classic beat em ups of the 1980s and 1990's. My, those were the days.

Even though the designers have moved the action from 2D to 3D, the game still maintains the same general feeling as its predecessors in the genre, and that is a wonderful thing.

The plot isn't particularly complicated. Gene, the protagonist, is given the arm of a god after having his right arm sliced off by hoodlums/demons while saving a girl named Olivia, who was just about to have her own arm forcibly removed by those same miscreants. With that arm, Gene becomes a superpowered badass who at first reluctantly fights the evil that is around him, but whose sense of justice spurs him towards greater and greater acts of heroism.

But really, what I just said isn't very important. Well, the copious application of foot to ass is, but the story isn't grand or inspiring. It is just the thing that holds all the fighting together. And that's all it needs to be.

I have to admit that I didn't like Gene at first. He was sort of a jerk, but I warmed up to him as the game went on. Sometimes he even says exactly what you are thinking. He isn't the best character, the most well drawn, but he gets the job done.

Of course, as I said, the heart of this game is the fighting, and that is where it truly shines.

I respect a game that tells you it is going to kick your ass in its trailer, and then proceeds to kick your ass. It certainly kicked my ass the first time I played it, and continued to do so across eight multi-stage levels.

But it is also fair as advertised.

I remember that in the classic beat em ups, there always seemed to be cheap hits and generally some very frustrating moves on the part of your enemies that you could never avoid. Naturally this was because most of these games were coin-operated affairs, so it was in the company's best interest that your character to die more often.

But in God Hand, it is entirely possible, though very difficult, to get through the entire game without getting hit once. That's why it is fair. It is a game that you must dodge in if you are going to survive, and it really is a game that is predicated on skill rather than just hitting the buttons until everyone is knocked out. If you are good, if you understand how the game works, you can win, and it is designed in such a way that you are expected to get better at playing it as the stages progress.

Put it this way, I finished it last night, and then started playing the first level again, and I was shocked by how much I had improved over the course of the game. I was using the default moveset, and I managed to defeat every enemy in the first few levels without getting hit. Let me tell you, I felt good.

The game also has this seemingly weird level system where the enemies get better the better you fight. If you beat down a lot of enemies without getting hit, well, then they level up until you start getting pummelled. The higher level enemies net you more money at the end of stages, so there is an incentive to try to keep them at that level (aside from not losing health by getting beaten).

I mentioned another aspect to this game in passing above that is also very important, and that is your moveset. You see, while you start the game with a basic set of moves, as you progress through the game, you can buy or find additional moves to customize Gene's fighting style. And I do mean customize. I don't mean you pick a style and fight within it. I mean, you actually pick the individual moves in your combos. In the end, there are over 100 moves to mix and match, so there is a lot of variety, and it supports a lot of different play styles. This also includes special attacks as well... and they really live up to that moniker. One of my favorites was one where you basically conjure a bat made out of pure energy and basically knock whatever enemies that are within swinging range "out of the park"... literally sending enemies flying so fast and so far away from you they twinkle like a star as they pass out of view, like a home run shot in a baseball game.

That being said, you know those moments when you are watching a movie or playing a game when you know, you are in it until the finish. My moment in this game was starting a level and discovering that I would be fighting a Demon Gorilla in a Luchador Mask. I can't make that up. Even if I didn't love the game by that point, I had to finish it just to see what other strange things might pop up.

What you are probably gathering from my description and the photos/video I posted is that this game is weird and funny. If you didn't know it going into it, the very first image you see when the game is loading sort of indicates it.



I posted one of the Japanese ads for the game on my blog last August which also points to it being a funny experience.

If I was going to compare the game to a few things so you have a frame of reference outside of gaming, I would have to say that it is like the Hot Fuzz of beat em ups. It knows the pedigree, it understands the terrority, and then in parodying the genre, it becomes as good if not better than the source material. And the actual fighting sort of reminds me of the movie Kung Fu Hustle too, because it is just so over the top, but badass at the same time.

In short, God Hand is Awesome.

If you are a certain kind of person, it wins you over. Personally, I don't mind hard games if the difficulty is based on skill rather than cheap tactics. And yes, I have to emphasize that again. It is hard, but in the end, rewarding.

The game even spawned a meme based on how people generally get into it, and that doesn't happen every day.



What I've loved over the past couple of years is reading reviews like this one all over the net for the quality of hyperbole, and my favorite is the review of the game in a Kotaku article about the joys of loving stupid games. And it is a stupid game, one filled with misogyny and sophomoric humor, and it is still great despite/because of that.

And keeping with the grand tradition of having at least one really weird line that become almost quotable in and of itself, I am reminded of joke I knew back when I was 13, and a paraphrased version of it seems appropriate, for it sets the tone for the whole conversation. What does God Hand and a Penis have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get. Bazing!

I even got into the habit while playing it of watching other people playing it too, merely to hear the conversation about it.

But alas it didn't sell well at all, and because of that, designer Shinji Mikami has lamented that he had too much freedom when designing it. It doesn't matter that he really had a blast making it, and that scores of players enjoyed it immensely. That should be enough, but it's not. It just seems like it was released at the wrong time.

In the film industry, having that kind of creative control is usually a good thing. Yes, you occasionally have a flop, but as an artist, you generally have a much more fulfilling experience (and even if it flops, it sometimes becomes a cult hit that makes your name even more prominent). And it is indeed picking up a cult following, which I am happy about.

So God Hand is not a game for everyone, I am willing to admit, but for people who love beat em ups, it is a gem. But it is one of those games that you either end up loving or absolutely hating.

It won't change your world view, it won't fundamentally shift your taste, but if you get what it does and love it because of it, the game will give you a lot of entertainment for the money.

Tags: god hand, capcom, clover studios, shinji mikami, gene, olivia, beat em up, misogyny, ign, vgchartz, hyperbole, kotaku, meme, kung fu hustle, hot fuzz, parody, luchador, gorilla, demon, penis joke, playstation 2, stupid game, m for manly, god hand meme, elvis, shannon, truth in advertising

Remembering Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Back in the early 1990's was the age of the Super Nintendo and the Sega Genesis, an age before the ESRB and other such organizations, meaning that at the time, there were no clear cut delineations between games for kids and stuff that was geared towards an older audience.

It was into that environment that one of the great games of that console generation was release. I am of course talking about Zombies Ate My Neighbors.



It was a game designed by Lucasarts, who at the time was well-known for their sense of humor in their games (I certainly loved Maniac Mansion), and at the time, I hadn't realized it was one of the games that was pushing the envelope of what was allowable on consoles in those pre-ratings days.

The premise is simple. You play as either a male or female teenager who is tasked with saving the normal people in their town from not only the titular zombie horde, but from a whole host of other movie beasts and baddies.

Check out some of the gameplay.

Now I haven't played the game in quite some time, but let me rundown at least a few of the other kinds of enemies you will encounter throughout the game and you will get a sense of what the game represented. There were hockey-masked, chainsaw wielding maniacs, axe-wielding demonic dolls, giant ants, werewolves, mummies, Creatures from the Black Lagoon, Blobs, martians, Draculas, Frankenstein monsters and my personal favorite, Snakeoids. I know there are other monsters I am forgetting, but as you can tell, the people who made this game loved horror and B-movies, and the cover art work tells you this one is pure kitsch.



The fact that you battled those things in an environment that was cute and bright was also what made the whole experience so charming. The level titles were also rather cheeky and gave you a hint as to the kinds of enemies you would be facing. I remember some of the names in particular: The Day the Earth Ran Away, Seven Meals for Seven Zombies, I Was a Chainsaw Maniac, and my personal favorite, They Came to Earth for One Thing: Mars Needs Cheerleaders.

How could I not love a game that has that sense of comedic style?

The weapon choices were also interesting because for the most part, they are things that seem very improvised, and sort of kid friendly. Yes, there was a bazooka, but other things that you might find for your arsenal included a water gun, cans of soda (which were like grenades), a weed whacker, silverware, a fire extinguisher (because, you never know when you will need to fight a blob) and a few others.

It was just fun, and I didn't think too much about it at the time.

Zombies Ate My Neighbors is one of those games from my youth that my older sister loved playing too, and since it was a co-op experience, well, I have very fond memories of the title. It is 55 levels long, and it did have a short password system, so it allowed us to have many hours of fun. I mean, she was a horror junkie, and I was a game junkie who had seen a lot of movies with her, so there was a lot for us to do with this title.

And I will be honest with you... this game probably gave me my first genuine scare in gaming.

You see, there is a certain level that you start and you can see the screen shaking, and as you move closer to the disturbance, you suddenly see just a giant pair of legs at the top of the screen.

And at that moment, I turned to my sister and exclaimed "What the Hell was that?!?"

As we inched closer, we discovered to our horror exactly what that thing was.



DUN DUN DUN!

I mean, when you've been killing normal sized enemies for many levels, and then you suddenly encounter something that huge. The fact that it is a baby is both surreal and daunting, because you know it isn't evil, but you are going to have to try to destroy it anyway.

After that, well, survival horror couldn't scare me after that. I survived a giant baby... I can take anything else you throw at me.

That being said, at the time, I didn't realize that all the horror elements in the game were causing Nintendo to sweat (Sega was cool with the game as it was originally designed), so there were a few minor tweaks in North America (the blood became purple) and in Europe and Australia, well, the cuts were a lot more severe, with Australia not even allowing the words "Ate My Neighbors" to appear on the game.

But now there is a second chance for people around the world to experience this gem. It was released for the Wii's Virtual Console just before last Halloween, so a new generation of gamers can play this campy cult classic.

Tags: zombies ate my neighbors, maniac mansion, lucasarts, mars needs cheerleaders, seven meals for seven zombies, super nintendo, censorship, virtual console, nintendo wii, tremors, black lagoon, australia, jason, chucky, dracula, frankenstein

Friday Favorite: Remembering some good ole 1980's Schlock!

As I wrote in the introductory passage of this entry, I wrote this the day Snakes on a Plane was released theatrically, and I've been once again revisiting the Schlock of my youth, and this entry captures a lot of those movies in one place.

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With it being Snakes on a Plane Friday, I got a little wistful and began thinking about some of the wonderfully cheesy 1980's horror movies I saw as a kid, and I thought I would share a few of them with you.

Now I could mention movies like Tremors and Return of the Living Dead, but where would the fun be in that?

The first movie that I thought of when I started on this little odyssey to the era or Reagan was 1986's Night of the Creeps. Now, the recent Slither took a lot from this movie, but accept no substitutes. I mean, it has all the requisite elements for an 80's horror movie. College kids-Check, aliens-Check, Zombies-Check, a Serial Killer-Check, and yes, a sense of campy humor-Double check. The basic plot involves worm-like creatures that eat people's brains from the inside and it is all good, gory fun from there, and if you love the attitude of Bruce Campbell's Ash, you will really enjoy Tom Atkins take on the burnt-out cop Ray Cameron. (And did I mention that every main character in the movie is named after a horror director). Editorial Update: Night of the Creeps was recently released on DVD.

Now I could try to describe 1985's The Stuff to you, but I think the New York Times does it better than I ever could. I would describe it as 1 part The Blob, one part The Thing and one heaping spoonful of social satire. All in all, it is a frothy and sweet good time, and you will never look at Cool Whip the same again.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention C.H.U.D., after all, you can't talk about the schlock without it, because C.H.U.D. is a glorious return to the B-movies of the 1950's. There is radiation in them there sewers and where you got radiation, you got blood-thirsty mutants, and of course, mutants got to feed above ground, and in this case, they have a choice buffet that includes Daniel Stern, John Heard, John Goodman, Jay Thomas and Kim Greist. It isn't a great film(though it is award winning), but it delivers some good jolts for bucks. The IMDB has it rated at 4.5/10, but it is better than that.

Of course, I am sure you, my readers, have a few more suggestions that could satiate someone's appetite for some cheap and messy thrills this weekend, so I open the floor to you all.

So, if you don't want to bear witness to the Rocky Horror Picture Show with snakes tonight or this weekend, you can still get your B Horror flick fix this weekend at your local video store or even perhaps from your On-Demand cable system. I am not guaranteeing you will like these movies, only that they bring back good memories for me.

Tags: chud, night of the creeps, slither, the stuff, snakes on a plane, rocky horror picture show, john goodman, evil dead, b-movies, tremors, return of the living dead, zombies, aliens, horror, cult, dessert

Remembering Spaced

I've been trying to write a few different remembering posts for a while now, but it suddenly occurred to me that there was a particular subject that was staring me in the face all along. It is also one of the reasons I want to write a television pilot.

I am of course, talking about the Simon Pegg/Jessica Stevenson penned and Edgar Wright directed series Spaced.



Now I've mentioned the series on countless occasions over the years, but I have never really delved into it, or what made it so great. I am not going to really give any spoilers about the show, aside from a little bit about the first episode and a passing reference to the theme of another, so if you haven't seen it, this is going to be very general.

The premise was one which had the makings of something ordinary but in terms of execution, it was anything but.

Tim Bisley (Simon Pegg), an aspiring comic book artist who has just broken up with his girlfriend meets Daisy Steiner (Jessica Stevenson), a kooky aspiring writer, at a diner one afternoon, and it turns out that they are both in need of a place to live, and over the course of a couple of weeks, they become friends. When they read an ad for a perfect apartment, but it is for a professional couple only. So they decide to fake it and pretend to be a couple so they can rent it.

Yes, it sounds like a very standard starting place for a generic sitcom, but the execution and talent involved made it wondrous.

For starters, the cast was very good, from Pegg and Stevenson and the introduction of Nick Frost, who at the time the show was being filmed was not even an actor, to Julia Deakin as their drunken landlady Marsha Klein and Mark Heap as the eccentric artist downstairs Brian, and the interplay of these characters (along with Katy Carmichael as Daisy's best friend Twist). And the occasional supporting player like Bill Bailey, Peter Serafinowicz and comedian Michael Smiley were also wonderfully cast.

With all those principals to work with, it means that Spaced is geeky, yet accessible, if that makes any sense. What I mean is it is full of wonderful pop cultural references, but even if you don't get the reference, the humor still largely works based on the characters, which is a real strength. The dialogue is gold, and largely quotable, the subject matter is largely realistic, yet characterized in such a way that it is simply fascinating, and there is a timeless quality to everything as it didn't try to be overtly topical (though one might argue that the rave-related episode really dates the series somewhat).

And unlike the depiction of geeks on most shows, Tim and Daisy are fully functional human beings. Yes, they are a little neurotic, but they aren't the geeks that are normally depicted on television and the movies. You know, like the geekdom of Comic Book Guy, The Big Bang Theory and such, who represent a minority of our entire subculture. They are for the most part realistic geeks... geeks like you and myself. There was dimension to their mutual obsessions, but it wasn't completely out of hand.

I also have to mention the fact that unlike a lot of sitcoms, each series was directed very much like a movie, meaning not only is the camera work unique and at times evocative of other movies, but each series feels organically tied together because it was literally one creation, which likely helped Edgar Wright become the film director he is now. It has a sort of cohesion that few other series achieve. There isn't some weird change in direction in any of the characters from the first episode to the last because of focus grouping or casting... everything just gels from the beginning. Each one feels complete, and paced perfectly.

On the record, I am also glad Bill Murray headbutted McG. I am sure there are a lot of Spaced fans who feel the same way too, because I doubt that anyone involved with the Americanization of the show would have the same love or passion for the subject matter, and without the cooperation or even the blessing of Pegg/Stevenson/Wright, well, it wouldn't have even approached the threshold for being good. It was a labor of love, and frankly that is not what the American version would have ever been.

Tags: jessica hynes, stevenson, simon pegg, edgar wright, nick frost, julia deakin, mark heap, mcg, bill murray, peter serafinowicz, comic book guy, the big bang theory, headbutt, katy carmichael, daisy steiner, tim bisley

Friday Favorite: Remembering The Snowman

Since it is the Christmas season, I thought I would fondly look back at an entry I wrote in December 2006 where I fondly looked back on a Christmas special I saw as a child.

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When I was a child, there was always the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman to entertain and delight me with holiday entertainment on television. However, it wasn't until my early teens that I saw a short animated film that brought something new to the genre to me.

That movie was The Snowman. Nominated for an Oscar in 1983, the movie tells the story of a boy and the snowman he created on Christmas Eve that comes to life at midnight and the explorations they share both in rural/suburban England of the boy and the world of the snowmen and the far north and after I had seen it, I was never the same person. Based on the children's book by Raymond Briggs, and introduced by him in some editions of the film(in others it is David Bowie).

If you've seen it, you know what I am talking about, and if you haven't, well, let's just say that for a Christmas presentation, it ends on a rather dark note, which is rare for an animated film for this season. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. But it is because of this quality that I am recommending it today.

It tells its story without words, and a single hauntingly memorable song, and that's all it needs. It is a fuzzy world given mirth and emotion by action, perspective and expression alone, and its unique look also makes it easy on the eyes.

If you've never seen this movie, and you notice it is on cable or television, you should give it a look. It will touch your heart without giving you a cavity.

Tags: the snowman, raymond briggs, bbc, oscar, james, north pole, rural england, loneliness, stage play

3 Quick Gaming Reviews

About a month ago, I wrote an entry reviewing 5 movies in a Remembering style, and I thought that there were a few games that I could give the same kind of treatment.

I bought these three titles for the Playstation 2, each for 10 dollars new, so barring any availability issues, you should likely be able to find them for an affordable price as well. In addition, 2 out of the 3 of the titles below are also available on multiple platforms, so you can take my reviews in a more general sense (they aren't PS2 specific).


Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I loved the cartoon version of Harvey Birdman so much... an unbelievable amount, so I was prepared to shell out some dough to play this game no matter what... however, the amount of money I was willing to pay was directly proportional to what kind of game it was. Well, seeing as Harvey Birdman is, as the title says, an attorney, it seems fitting that the producers of this game decided to mine the interface and play style of another game series, Phoenix Wright. This means that the gameplay is built from elements of finding clues and then presenting evidence and pressing witnesses in court. The fact that the witnesses happen to be such former clients as Secret Squirrel, Magilla Gorilla as well as Birdman's adversaries like X the Eliminator and The Deadly Duplicator makes it entertaining, but advancing through a level/case requires that you match evidence against a particular piece of testimony in a specified order, which means there is a lot of trial and error, no pun intended.



This also means the game is short. Real short. Like Verne Troyer short. You could complete it in a couple of hours, and the replay value is minimal, as the narrative is very linear, though the jokes and presentation may make it worth playing again. Now there is something else you have to know if you are a fan of the show: Stephen Colbert was involved with it. Yes, it is noticeable that he is not playing Phil Ken Sebben.



However, another role formerly played by Colbert on the show, opposing attorney Myron Reducto, was rather well done by the replacement voice talent, and it is unfortunate that his character, a fan favorite, did not make a more major appearance. But other than that, the voice work is top notch, with everyone else who is in the game being voiced by their counterpart from the cartoon. If you find it cheap, try it out, but just keep my warnings in mind.


The Red Star: This was a game I hadn't heard of when I first saw it in a video store bargain bin a few months ago, and after doing some research, I discovered it was a kickass game. Based on a series of graphic novels by Christian Gossett, the game takes place in an alternate history of the Soviet Russia featuring both high tech weaponry and magic. The game was originally developed by Acclaim in 2002, but due to that company's bankruptcy, it was only released for the PS2 last year. The gameplay virtually resurrects two almost lost genres of gaming: the 2D beat'em up like Double Dragon and the top down shooter and fuses elements of both genres seamlessly. It also rewards Co-op play, as two fighters are much better than one, especially when you face the huge mechanized bosses, which throw out a lot of firepower at you. To me, those battles are almost an introduction to the Bullet Curtain genre of shooters.



While the difficulty starts off moderate, the game really starts ramping up throughout the 19 levels, which means when you finally beat certain levels, you feel some sense of exhilaration. And speaking of finishing levels, the game also has an upgrade system that is tied to your performance in individual levels... the better you do, the more points you have to upgrade your weapons and other abilities, thus it pays to do well in the earlier levels, as you will likely need all the firepower you can get. If you enjoy a challenge, and you have a friend that does too, or if you are nostalgic for a well-put together blast from the past, The Red Star has much to recommend it.


Lumines Plus: This game is like crack. It is as simple as that. It is electronic crack. This is coming from someone who doesn't have any particular love for puzzle games. I didn't get sucked into Tetris or the various knockoffs that followed, I owned Klax for the NES, but it became an obsession mainly for my sister, and while I did play a few games of Bust-a-move at the arcade, I didn't really take to the game. In fact, the closest I gotten to loving these kinds of games are my forays into the Katamari series which have so much more going for them than simply puzzle elements. Sure, I've also tried some of the arcade games that are included in Taito/Capcom/Midway classics compilations, but I bought those for the action titles they feature, though I admit that games based on Qix still get my attention for a short time. But I digress. The object of Lumines is simple: drop 2X2 squares composed of 1-2 colors and try to make single color squares. It is a simple goal, I know, but somehow, it is very compelling for me. Maybe it is the fact that the soundtrack is linked to the gameplay (there is an element of the game called the timeline which is what clears blocks. This video should illuminate the process), or just the soundtrack in question, which has had me seeking out some of the house and techno music I listened to in the early to mid 1990's, as the backing tracks are in many cases reminiscent of those glory days of electronic music.



I have noticed however that after playing for a while (an hour or so at a time), I have developed eye strain for the first time in my life that is directly attributable to this game in particular (as I played other games around the same time and the same symptoms didn't materialize). Of course, as I type this, I am thinking "You know, you could be playing Lumines right now", so perhaps I will now just run off and play through the pain.

Tags: the red star, harvey birdman, attorney at law, lumines plus, klax, tetris, bust-a-move, bullet curtain, stephen colbert, x the eliminator, qix, midway, taito, capcom, eye strain, deadly duplicator, playstation 2, katamari damacy, verne troyer, phoenix wright, reducto, phil ken sebben, crack, beat em ups, shooter, acclaim, christian gossett, soviet russia

Remembering The Faculty

In 1998, two prominent school-based horror movies were released: The Faculty and Disturbing Behavior. Even at the time, The Faculty was clearly the superior product, and even a decade on, it still has a nice sheen to it.

The Faculty seems like it is almost a forgotten part of Robert Rodriguez's film resume, tucked neatly in the half-decade between From Dusk Till Dawn and Spy Kids, when I myself feel it stands up to comparison with some of his more prominent work.

When I first saw The Faculty on video back in 1999, I described the movie as The Breakfast Club meets The Thing. I think that is a rather fitting short description of the movie, especially since there are two scenes in particular that are totally copped from the latter.



The film follows an eclectic group of high school kids as they start noticing some strange things afoot at their educational institution, especially when it comes to the teaching staff, who are acting very strangely... and soon their fellow students start showing the same symptoms. Some entity seems to be taking over the school, and it is up to this ragtag team of disparate personalities to try to figure out a way to remain individuals, while dealing with each other with suspicion, as the entity could possess any one of them. Paranoia and feelings of alienation seem so right in this context.

Featuring a teenage cast that includes a pre-Lord of the Rings Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Clea DuVall, Laura Harris and Jordana Brewster, the movie just basks in atmosphere, and because of one of the character's love and knowledge of classic science fiction, there are some rather smart plot elements and observations about the genre. And the adult actors aren't too shabby either: Famke Janssen, Piper Laurie, Bebe Neuwirth and Robert Patrick along with Robert Rodriguez mainstay Salma Hayak and a little comic relief from Jon Stewart as a Science teacher named Professor Edward Furlong.

The screenplay was written by Kevin Williamson, who also penned Scream and was the creator of Dawson's Creek, so you know the dialogue is overly articulate and what one might called precious. However, in this setting, it comes off as crisp and works well with the story and the actors involved. And since the setting is a fictional town in Ohio, it gives the whole story a classic "this could happen anywhere" vibe which makes the material that much more approachable. The effects aren't too bad either, as they combine the best elements of practical and makeup FX with well applied CGI.

So while it likely won't get the attention or acclaim that Desperado and Sin City have gotten, The Faculty is a satisfying thriller that I think will come to be regarded warmly by horror fans in the coming years and build a following as more people see it and embrace its charms.

Tags: elijah wood, robert rodriguez, josh hartnett, clea duvall, the faculty, laura harris, jordana brewster, robert patrick, famke janssen, piper laurie, bebe neuwirth, salma hayak, bebe neuwirth, the thing, breakfast club

5 Quick Remembering-type Movie Reviews

In light of my entry earlier this week about fellow blog, the House of Self-Indulgence, I thought that I would do a quick rundown of a few movies which could have made longer Remembering columns, but I thought this format would be better.

And taking a cue from SamuraiFrog, I will not refer to them as guilty pleasures.

Ready to Rumble: It was a movie about WCW wrestling made at a time when I wasn't into wrestling at all... and yet I watch it every time it is on. Maybe it is because I enjoy Oliver Platt's take on sloppy redneck drunkenness (I enjoy seeing him in movies anyway), or Martin Landau's spunky trainer Sal Bandini... or maybe it is just the gratuitous kicks to the groin. I mean, I do like Scott Caan, Joe Pantaliano and Rose McGowan, and I am OK with David Arquette. I do know that it certainly has nothing to do with supporting the career of director Brian Robbins (he inflicted Norbit on us... and that is just unforgivable). It is a stupid movie, and I am the first one to admit it, but I still get roped in every time.

What Women Want: I'll sum up why I watch this movie every time it is on in 6 words: Judy Greer, Marisa Tomei, Sarah Paulson. But in all seriousness, the premise that because of an electrical accident, Mel Gibson can hear the thoughts of women is ok but the execution is more than a little sloppy. And his post-movie behavior really taints this one (as does Helen Hunt)

The Whole Nine Yards: I started writing a Remembering post about this a few weeks ago, but somehow, I could never get it finished. Basically, the argument I was going to try to advance was that this movie was in essence, a Shakespearean comedy filtered through the conventions of film noir. The film tells the story of a dentist named Dr. Oseransky (Matthew Perry), who is unhappily married to a woman who is secretly trying to have him killed. His life changes when a former hitman for a Chicago crime family, Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis), moves in next door, setting off a series of events which are both romantic and violent in nature. Now, the only reason it didn't work as successfully as it should have was because it seems like the filmmakers couldn't decide on an appropriate tone for the film, so there is seems to have been an attempt to make things a little more wacky than they probably should have been.

Robocop 3: I know, I know. It doesn't have Peter Weller in it, and compared to the elegant satire that was the first movie, Robocop III is more than a little ham-fisted, but I find it enjoyable on a lot of levels. Decent action sequences and a somewhat well-thought out anti-corporate message, and it's got Mako. Mako is one of those actors who has elevated an otherwise disappointing movie for me in the past. And that isn't even mentioning Stephen Root showing some range in another dramatic role. And because of the mask, well, it isn't like you miss Weller too much.

Blue Streak: This is one of two movies starring Martin Lawrence that I find entertaining. He does have a tendency to either play cops or petty criminals in his movies, and in Blue Streak, these two types comes together in one performance. Lawrence plays Miles Logan, an expert jewel thief, who after being double crossed by one of his partners in the theft of a large diamond, hides the stone in an under construction building before being arrested. Upon his release from jail, Logan discovers that the building is now a police station, and to get the diamond, he must pretend to be a police officer, something he is surprisingly good at. But every time he thinks he has the diamond in his grasp, some new complication arises... including the re-emergence of his old partner who is willing to kill to get the diamond all to himself. Featuring supporting work from Luke Wilson, William Forsythe and Dave Chappelle, this movie is an unsung gem in the TBS lineup.

Tags: blue streak, ready to rumble, what women want, robocop 3, whole nine yards, matthew perry, martin lawrence, samuraifrog, guilty pleasures, oliver platt, luke wilson, judy greer, marisa tomei, sarah paulson, scott caan, remembering, house of self indulgence, tbs, peachtree tv, david arquette, william forsythe, dave chappelle, mako

Community Shoutout: House of Self-Indulgence

I have to admit that as of late, I haven't been the best member of the blogging community. I haven't been commenting enough on the work of my peers(though rest assured, I've been reading it), and I've been leaving comments unanswered for too long here as well.

And in some small way, I would like to make amends for that by giving a shoutout to one of my peers who is doing some fine specialized work in pop cultural analysis.

You see, a couple of weeks ago while I was looking at my Sitemeter, I had noticed I had gotten a hit from a blog called The House of Self-Indulgence, and after checking it out, it has been one of the first blogs I check every morning. It is a cinematic blogging tour de force.

Every once in a while, I do a Remembering column about a movie that, while perhaps not being the best, still holds a loving place in my heart. Well, what I do every few months, blogger Yum-Yum does every day. Personally, I respect that level of commitment to film as a whole. I envy not only the quality of the content, but the breakneck speed at which it is produced.

And the breadth of reviewed material is astonishing. There's cult horror, teen comedies, much maligned Sci-fi and so much Anna Faris and Betsy Russell love it hurts (and don't get me wrong, I mean hurts in a good way).

Let me give you a sample of the wit and wisdom Yum-Yum brings to the medium:

"Out of all the Canadian films from the mid-1990s about necrophilia, I'd have to say Lynne Stopkewich's wonderfully tactile Kissed is my favourite."

(Yes, I admit it... Canadians like their movies a little adventuresome when it comes to sex... I mean, the same year Kissed came out, Cronenberg released Crash... we're dirty birdies above the 49th parallel).

But the thing that got me hooked on the site was a review of a movie I hadn't seen since 1985: Voyage of the Rock Aliens, and helped me remember what mesmerized me at age 8. And then a week later, Yum Yum reviewed The Legend of Billie Jean, which was the subject of one of my own early remembering columns as well.

And no blog like this would be complete without a review of Buckaroo Banzai.

So in short, I highly recommend you check out the House of Self-Indulgence... you won't be sorry.

Tags: house of self-indulgence, yum yum, legend of billie jean, buckaroo banzai, voyage of the rock aliens, kissed, crash, sex, anna faris, betsy russell, community shoutout

Remembering Fire Pro Wrestling Returns

A few days before last Christmas, I was at a local Walmart at 2AM (it is a long story), and I happened to look through a bin of value priced Playstation 2 games, and I ended up with a copy of Fire Pro Wrestling Returns in my hand, and since I hadn't heard of it, and it was less than 20 dollars, I figured "How good could it be?" and quickly returned it to the pile and in the crush of holiday spirit, I forgot that I saw the game for some months...

...and then I looked it up and realized that I had missed out an excellent wrestling game with a fanatical following and great customization that was sort of just dumped on the market in November 2007 with little fanfare, despite the fact that it was one of the first games from the long-running Fire Pro series to be released in North America.

But I have to warn you before I start that Fire Pro Wrestling Returns isn't going to win any beauty contests. Yes, unlike the shiny, 3D graphics the Smackdown series has brought to the table, FPR is a 2D, sprite-based wrestling experience. And there isn't a story mode to really tie matches together (the WWE games have you build-up your created characters through a scripted season mode). And the music, well, leaves a lot to be desired (it is old school MIDIized metal lite). (And an added bonus for Canadian buyers like myself is the game comes with French instructions only, but you can request the company send you the English version, and it is available as a download from Agetec's site).

I know that sounds like a mighty hill for any game to climb, but the upside is so huge on this title, it is unbelievable that all those seeming flaws don't really inhibit the game at all.



Out of the package, the game features 327 wrestlers--all real world stars, mostly from Japanese federations, but with different names that can easily be changed to match their actual counterparts). Most of the wrestlers are Japanese, but there are more than a few wrestlers who gained prominence in America as well (Andre the Giant, Terry Funk, Sting, Bret Hart and Kevin Nash just to name a few).

In addition, the game has room for 500 additional created wrestlers. I will say that again. 500 slots for edited wrestlers. Five-Zero-Zero. And unlike the WWE games, you can make your wrestlers as strong as you want them to be from the minute you stick the game in your PS2. It isn't something you have to unlock or slowly work at through a particular mode for each wrestler you want to make, which to me, was a huge selling point, especially since the most fighting/wrestling games allow at most 30 edited combatants, and some, like the recent TNA Action allow only 5.

Of course, to get the most out of this game, you sort of need a device like the AR Max, Max Drive or a Codebreaker, because the mod community for the game is really awe-inspiring. I mean, there are so many rosters available for so many companies and time frames that if you wanted TNA, the current WWE or a historical configuration of that company or WCW, ECW, one of the various Lucha Libre companies in Mexico, Ring of Honor or any number of Japanese organizations, Mix Martial Arts organizations such as the UFC, Pride etc, someone has likely made and distributed a save file with those combatants on it for you to easily transfer to your own save. And that isn't even mentioning such creative uses of both the engine and those 500 available slots to make reams of Marvel and DC heroes/villains, video game characters (in one case, a user recreated nearly every combatant from the arcade and console wrestling games of the 1980's and early 1990's), movie characters and thousands of original creations.

And that isn't even mentioning the scores of logos that people have made to go with all those above federations. The fan community for this game is very well-organized and helpful, especially at the Fire Pro Club, a site devoted to the series, which started in 1993.

But the thing that makes the game work so well is the AI. Hands down, that is the selling feature of the game. Because while most wrestling games allow you to fight against your own creations, Fire Pro is the first game that I've played that I really felt like I could personalize a combatant to this degree. It goes beyond merely selecting a few attributes and putting together a moveset and then picking an AI style or two (and putting together a moveset from the over 1500 moves available in this game takes some time by itself).

You can set the percentages and really tweak the personality and style of a wrestler down to the use of each individual move on a situational basis for every move in your arsenal, and in additional, there are other parameters like how focused they are on winning the match vs. just hurting their opponents and how flexible their game plan is during a match to name a few. That means that you could have two wrestlers with the same moves that compete in completely different and very noticeable ways. Again, it is a seemingly complex system, but once you get the hang of it, it is very satisfying.

And because the game is based on timing rather than simple button-mashing, the matches are much better paced than most of the other wrestling games out there. You and your opponents can't just whip out the power moves from the beginning of the match... you have to build up to the big moves and finishers with weaker moves and strikes. And because there aren't any life or stamina bars on the screen as you play (a feature that was much lauded when it was introduced in EA's Fight Night Round 3), you have to watch the participants to get a sense of how a match is going. If you see someone wheezing, you know they are getting tired, and if you see blood, well, you know they've been cut. It also means that at any moment, a match can end for anyone through a rapid reversal, a submission or a KO. Momentum can shift on a dime, and that just makes everything more exciting.

Now, I hate to lose, especially in sports-oriented games, but I have to tell you, I've lost many a match in FPWR and been thoroughly entertained even in defeat... which is a rare quality for me in any game. It is truly a work of art, and as one user at the Fire Pro Club forum put it, FPR = real wrestling in sprite form. There have been moments between two computer controlled combatants that have left me stunned because the match was just that good.

But don't just take my word for it about this game. Here are some of the summaries of the game from a few online publications to back my assertions up.

Let me just get this out the way: Fire Pro Wrestling Returns is the best wrestling game ever. That's not an exaggerated statement -- you will not find a better mat simulator on the market. Michael Donahue, from 1UP

Fire Pro Wrestling probably isn't a name that is part of many a wrestling fan's gaming dictionary, but it should be. Although it doesn't feature any major wrestling brands (at least well-known to the general WWE audience) and looks like it came straight from the SNES visually, it also manages to trump any current wrestling game on the market. Ricky Turner, from Game Vortex

It's for the wrestling fan who skips the ring entrances in their wrestling games and just wants a solid grappling and fighting experience. It's for the devotee of games with deep editing tools, who would love the chance to make hundreds of complex, satisfying characters. Fire Pro Wrestling Returns may not be the best-looking wrestling game available today, but it is in fact the best. Gerald Villora, Gamespy

If you want the flashy entrances, the cutscenes, and the backstage brawling, by all means pick up the next WWF (I know it's the WWE now) game. If you want pure wrestling action, a deep gameplay system and a huge level of customization extremely cheap, pick up Fire Pro Wrestling Returns. Brendon Lindsey, GamerNode

So, if you are feeling nostalgic or you've been dissatisfied with the current crop of promotion-based wrestling games, or even if you are a fan of wrestling, domestic or international, you'll likely find something to love in Fire Pro Wrestling Returns. To me, it was a game that helped me to love professional wrestling, as a whole, all over again. And that took some doing.

Tags: wwe, world wrestling entertainment, tna, fire pro wrestling returns, tna, smackdown, raw, lucha libre, fpc, fpwr, gamernode, gamespy, 1up, andre the giant, sting, bret hart, spike, agetec, midi, raw, noah, japan, wcw, ecw, artificial intelligence, marvel, dc, ufc, ring of honor, pride, mixed martial arts, mma

Remembering Disney's Fillmore!

Well, this day was bound to happen eventually. I was going to write a remembering post about a television series. And you have to believe me when I say this: Disney doesn't own any part of my soul, which is what makes this particular selection on my part a little surprising I admit.

Yes, when I was a kid, I enjoyed DuckTales and the like, but after a certain age, well, I wasn't into what the Disney animation studios had to offer on television.

And then I saw Fillmore! a few years ago, and I was impressed by what I saw. The series was a loving homage to 1970's cop shows and movies, the NBC Mystery Movies, and various other bits of pop cultural ephemera. It followed the exploits of the X Middle School Safety Patrol, and in particular, Cornelius Fillmore (Orlando Brown), a former juvenile delinquent who turned to the side of right and his partner, Ingrid Third (Go-to voice actress Tara Strong), a gothy enigmatic genius with a photographic memory.

And like every good cop show, they didn't always see eye to eye with their superiors, Commissioner Vallejo (Horatio Sanz in one of the few roles he excelled in) and Principal Folsom (Wendie Malick), who represents the type of role the Mayor would fulfill on a classic TV cop show.

And in keeping with that same 1970's cop/mystery series vibe, the art style, story structure and action sequences reflect those conventions. From the three act structure to the camera angles on the unconventional chases to even the occasional direct reference to a particular series like Columbo, Fillmore! demonstrated that while the subject matter was suitable for children, it was also designed with adults of a certain age in mind. The characters and the story lines are often not black and white, as there are sometimes more complex motivations behind the events than it initially appears.

And a neat little fact about the show is that every surname from the show's wide variety of characters comes from a street in San Francisco, from the lead characters all the way down to the random names that pop up in dialogue and written down in documents, which given that city's association with Dirty Harry and of course, The Streets of San Francisco, it feels very fitting.

To me, the show is as much of a loving tribute to 70's cop shows as Hot Fuzz is to blockbuster cop movies, and I think that is why I like it so much... it respects the material while co-opting it to tell its own stories.

Given the fact that the show only had about 26 episodes over two seasons, it also seems fitting that it has many of the same qualities of being compact and self-contained that many BBC series have, which to me, is a selling point in itself. I wish that Fillmore! had been renewed or had a larger initial order (like Ducktales 65 episode first season), but perhaps that brevity was indeed the soul of this show's wit.

Tags: fillmore, ducktales, disney, x middle school, safety patrol, san francisco, tara strong, orlando brown, wendie malick, horatio sanz, dirty harry, columbo, bbc

Remembering Crank

It is an old plot structure really: A man who has very little time left to live sets out to make things right before he dies. Whether it is from a debilitating disease, poison, an injury or even karma, these kinds of stories do occupy a place amongst a wide variety of genres, but have found the warmest, and let's be honest, bloodiest home in the mystery/action/thriller section.

Case in point, Crank.

In Crank, hitman Chev Chelios, played by action stalwart Jason Statham, was drugged and given a Beijing Cocktail which will supposedly kill him in an hour by making his heart slow down and stop by inhibiting his adrenaline receptors.

To combat these effects and stay alive long enough to have his revenge against the gang who did this to him, Chelios must keep his adrenaline flowing by putting himself in dangerous situations and doing various other activities that will get his heart racing. From driving dangerously and antagonizing policemen and gang members to taking drugs and causing general mayhem wherever he goes. In fact, there are very few things Chelios won't do to stay alive within reason. And with some bloody revenge on the menu, it is sort of fun watching him work.

The filmmakers behind Crank sort of made an implicit agreement with the audience, that yes, while it wouldn't be John Woo, it would still be entertaining if you were looking for a certain level of frenetic violence, sex and insane stunts in your movie viewing experience. The background of Co-directors/writers Brian Taylor and Mark Neveldine is sort of freaky, as they each have a lot of experience doing a lot of different work in Hollywood over the past decade. There is stunt work, sound work, cinematography, acting, visual effects on their collective resume, so they did do their apprenticeship in the business before getting this opportunity. The pair have 4 more movies in the works, one of which I will mention in a little bit.

I think the most telling quote I can give you about the movie is Jason Statham admitting that the movie wasn't the greatest: "You ain't ever gonna get an Academy Award for doing Crank and you certainly won't for doing all the other movies I've done." I can only imagine the unholy mess that Dungeon Siege was, so I have to give him credit for acknowledging that his choices aren't the best artistically.

I didn't go into Crank expecting art, in fact, I had rather low expectations going in, but I was really surprised that I not only liked the movie, but found myself recommending it. Of course, after looking it up a few minutes ago on Rotten Tomatoes, I discovered that I wasn't the only one who liked it. Of course, I think one of the reasons I liked the movie as much as I did was I happened to have been playing Grand Theft Auto III right before I saw it, and the movie does seem to channel some of that same energy. In fact, Chev Chelios told his girlfriend that he was in game design rather than the truth that he was a hitman, so it is probably fitting that such a connection exists in my mind.

Of course, there is a reason I am discussing this movie today. You see, over the weekend it came to my attention that Statham, Taylor and Neveldine were currently filming a sequel/prequel (I don't know which) to Crank somehow to be released in 2009, and the very idea sort of disturbed me. Yes, I liked the original as I've said, but I don't think the world was yearning for another one, though I may be wrong about that. I mean, I thought Shoot Em Up also drew heavily from the same well and given its relative failure at the box office, I thought this kind of quick paced, semisatirical action movie was no longer viable because I just don't think I can be surprised again, but that may just be me.

Tags: crank, amy smart, jason statham, mark neveldine, brian taylor, john woo, journeyman, hollywood, sequel, academy award, action, beijing cocktail, adrenaline, grand theft auto, video games, rotten tomatoes, shoot em up

Remembering 100 Girls

While the recent film Shoot Em Up wasn't even close to being the greatest movie released in 2007, it did show a lot of polish and promise for the work of Michael Davis.

When I first noticed his name in the credits, I almost did a double take, as I had been a long time fan of one of his earlier movies, 100 Girls, which was released in 2000.

And after being reminded of that earlier movie, I decided to watch it once more... and suddenly all of its flaws became apparent. It was clearly a movie I had outgrown. However, I still thought it was worthy of discussion because of some of the elements involved. Also, in seeing the flaws, I think it shows that I may be maturing as a movie viewer. So this, unlike many of my previous Remembering columns, will not be a fond recollection, but rather, more a cutting rebuke of something that I once loved.

I would almost consider this my farewell letter to the movie, as it was a rocky breakup.

100 Girls is the story of Matthew(Jonathan Tucker), a college freshman who also works as a handyman around campus. At the beginning of the narrative, he ends up getting stuck in an elevator during a blackout with a girl whose face he never sees, and as they get to know each other through the night, he begins to fall in love with her and believe that she is, in his own words, his kismetic destiny and by the end of the night, the two have had sex and in the morning he wakes up alone with very few clues as to who she really is, and a mystery to solve: who was that girl that so enraptured his heart?

The problem is, that elevator just happened to be at the women's dorm, and poor Matthew is left with the arduous task of trying to determine which of the 100 Girls who live there is the one that he loves.

Of course, as members of the audience, well, we do sort of get a set of cliff notes, because while there are indeed 100 girls living in that dorm, well, we only have to concentrate on about five because they are both better known actresses (in the context of this movie) and they actually have some semblance of plotting around them, even though they are pretty much stock characters in this drama as well. I am not going to wreck the movie by disclosing too many key details, but there are things that I can address without giving too much away.

And I am not just pulling this out of nowhere because in some versions of the credits, they are actually referred to in this format Name the [Character Type].

So here is who ends up being the possible choices for Matthew in his quest to find his kismetic destiny:

Promiscuous Patty, played by Emmanuelle Chriqui, who also appeared as a missed connection in her next movie, the thankfully forgettable On the Line with a pre-outed Lance Bass as her romantic pursuer.

Arlene the Tomboy played by Katherine Heigl, who is getting quite adept at playing a certain type of role nowadays both on and off screen, so she is becoming quite the method actress. That or her true colors are showing.

Wendy the Girl Next Door played by Larisa Oleynik, from both Ten Things I Hate About You and 3rd Rock from the Sun and who most recently appeared in the aptly titled movie, Relative Obscurity. I kid... she attended college for real and graduated, so she has a reason for not doing a lot of work for a couple of years.

Dora the Smart Girl(though "Ugly" comes up too) played by Scientologist, wife of Beck and fraternal twin to a dude named Giovanni, Marisa Ribisi. After yesterday, you know that the first part of the description of the actress is the true insult.

And last but not least, there is Sexy Cynthia played by My Name is Earl's Jaime Pressly, who is turning playing white trash into an artform.

Now, let's think about this for a second. After looking at the above list and thinking about the task that Matthew faces... well, it doesn't seem that hard, does it? I mean, the basis of his love was borne both of an emotional connection engendered by conversation and a physical liaison. Now I don't know about you, but even in the dark, if I had to rely on touch and my ears to narrow things down in such a situation, I think I could tell the difference between those five people. Of course, thinking about things in the real world, I think if I was having a conversation with a member of the opposite sex in a pitch black elevator and it was going exceedingly well, there would be a moment where I said something like, oh I don't know, "Hi, my name is Matt". But then, if the movie Matthew did that, well, then there would be no movie.

And when I first saw the movie, well, I didn't really question the methodology of the search, but in retrospect, it is sort of creepy. You see, one of the souvenirs that Matthew got from his tryst was a pair of panties, and he thought the best way to find the girl was to match those panties with a particular bra, which meant that he went through a lot of drawers.

Of course, not only is that questionable reasoning, but going through the underthings of a bunch of strangers and the one person you do have carnal knowledge of is just skeezy. And after that fails to get results(even with the help of a resident of said dorm), he then resorts to one of the lamest though widely used movie techniques to try to gain the confidence of a seemingly secretive group.

He dresses up like a woman. So let me get this straight... he's been hanging around the dorm as a guy for weeks and weeks, and almost everyone there has talked to him for a significant amount of time, and one night this strange girl named Francesca shows up who looks exactly like him, and yet, no one says anything about it even as he/she interacts with them. I mean, he repeatedly goes out in that get up and at one point even his male roommate hits on him, and then later lies about sleeping with Francesca. Now I could see if he happened to be wearing a bunch of prosthetics and rubber and such, but he wasn't... it was just him in a dress, a padded bra, a bad wig and some less than sensible shoes. Yeah, I'd love to hear a story of something like this fooling anyone in real life.

So that is two strikes in the logic department for this movie. But even when I saw these fundamental flaws in the film, there was still something that kept me coming back.

You see, as Matthew undertakes his quest to find his mystery lover, he also starts along a path of philosophical discovery about the nature of relationships between men and women and he came to some conclusions, which when I was 23 were stunning, but at 31 are rather pedestrian.

So while he is getting to know all these girls he sometimes comes to realizations like this: "There are no clearly defined rules between men and women. So, each side thinks they're playing fair and each side thinks they're being cheated. Maybe, this is why men and women have the innate ability to bring out the poison in one another." Or the main character finding a correlation between the way men and women shop and the way they choose sex partners. That's some real groundbreaking stuff. And of course, no movie in 2000 would have been complete without lifting something seemingly philosophical from Fight Club, and of course, and 100 Girls is no exception (a tiff that is basically a rehash of "We're a generation of men raised by women"). So again, in hindsight it isn't bringing anything new to the table, and in fact, as I watched it recently, almost every line of dialogue seems forced and unnatural, and not in that hip way. It just isn't cutting it.

And after watching the movie again, it made me laugh thinking about Katherine Heigl's comments about Knocked Up being a little sexist... when she was featured prominently in 100 Girls which is almost the epitome of being sexist while trying to appear that not to be. It is like she doesn't remember making this movie, or some of the scenes she was in. Before I became disenchanted with the film, I used to call it a romantic comedy geared towards guys, because despite the fact that nearly the entire cast is female, well, one guy wrote all those parts. Now I am not saying that a man can't write convincing dialogue for women, because the history of cinema is chock full of people who did just that. What I am saying is the man who wrote the script for the Double Dragon movie was still had a few things to learn about it in 2000, and well, he didn't seem to pick up anything new by the time he wrote and directed a 2002 movie that while not being a sequel at all, you would be hard pressed to figure that out from the title. It was called 100 Women, and it is a horrible, horrible movie that makes 100 Girls look like a Nick Hornby novel.

So in the end, what 100 Girls really accomplishes is simple. It makes Shoot Em Up look like a bloody masterpiece, because in comparison, that's what it is. Action and snappy one liners seem to be more Davis' strength than romance and pseudoteen angst ever were. When I used to review albums from groups that showed promise, I used to say that I was looking forward to seeing what they did on their next release and I can honestly say that I do indeed want to know if Michael Davis is going to continue honing his craft as an action director or if he is going to subject the world to another romantic comedy. I hope it is the former, I really do.

Tags: michael davis, 100 girls, jonathan tucker, nick hornby, giovanni ribisi, scientology, marisa ribisi, double dragon, shoot em up, emmanuelle chriqui, larisa oleynik, jaime pressly, katherine heigl, fight club, 100 women, sex, romantic comedy, my name is earl, action, learning curve, knocked up, judd apatow, gun porn