Science has spoken

It would appear that ALPHAS are the secret key to women maintaining a youthful appearance:

According to psychiatrist Dr. Naomi Greenblatt with the HealthyWomen organization, “hitting the skins” may be as important as hitting the gym when it comes to preserving one’s youthful looks—and women aren’t doing enough of it.

According to a recent survey, “women who had sex at least four times a week were scored as looking up to ten years younger than their actual age,” said Greenblatt. “While pleasure and intimacy with your partner should be a primary motivation to have sex, the health and wellness benefits are a big bonus.”

It's very hurtful that so many women attempt to denigrate the service that ALPHAS are selflessly providing them. It is tremendously unfair, to say nothing of unscientific, for women to label them "manwhores" and "cruel, heartless bastards" when all they are doing is attempting to spread the health and wellness benefits to as wide a section of the female population as possible.

In fact, it appears the female monogamy fetish is driven by nothing more than the same catty, competitive nature that causes them to encourage each other to chop their hair off and wear unflatteringly "stylish" clothes. When a woman tries to prevent a man from having sex with another woman, she is merely trying to make that woman look older than she is. That's just selfish behavior and really should not be tolerated. ALPHAS should really be honored for their sacrificial service to others and buying them drinks should be tax-deductible. They're the Doctors Without Borders of sex.

What I find interesting here is that most women will do practically anything to look younger or hotter. If Estee Lauder tells a woman that smearing a mix of scientifically blended dog poop, frog semen, and bat urine on her face will take six months off her appearance, she'll not only do it but pay hundreds of dollars a year for the privilege. Women will have themselves injected with blowfish neurotoxins, blasted by lasers, and carved up by Mexican plastic surgeons with degrees from medical schools in countries that don't even exist.

But have sex four times a week? Nah, that'll never work.

That's not the ironic thing, however. The ironic thing is that they will reject the idea while simultaneously insisting that they like sex every bit as much as men.

Meanwhile, the average middle-aged man would have sex with the dog, the frog, and the bat FIVE times a week if it meant his receded hairline would grow back. Although I personally tend to favor the ancient method concocted by Estevus Lauderus Aegyptus which involves the fat of lion, hippopotamus, goose, crocodile, snake and ibex.