Happy Thanksgiving

How the various socio-sexual ranks spend their Thanksgivings:

Alpha: If married: Wife makes fabulous Thanksgiving dinner at his home. Watches football. Has somewhat careful sex that evening after a third helping of pie. If single: invited to five different Thanksgiving dinners, shows up for three of them. Brings the prettiest single girl from the second dinner for pie to the third one.

Sigma: If married: Wife makes fabulous Thanksgiving dinner at his home. Watches football. Has somewhat careful sex that evening after a third helping of pie. If single: Forgets there is a holiday, wonders where everyone is, goes out for Chinese by himself and picks up sad Asian waitress with violent tattoos.

Beta: Wife/girlfriend makes fabulous Thanksgiving dinner at his home which is filled with her relatives. Watches football. Assumes wife/girlfriend is too full for sex.

Delta: Has Thanksgiving dinner with wife/girlfriend at wife's relative's house. Watches football at relative's house. Wife/girlfriend claims to be too full for sex.

Gamma: Has Thanksgiving dinner at parents' house. Is invited over to female friend's house for pie afterwards, brings bottle of wine, is devastated when she greets him warmly and ignores him for the rest of the evening in favor of some guy he's never seen before. Thinks football is lame. Goes home alone.

Omega: Thinks Thanksgiving is lame. Thinks football is lame. Plays COD:MW3 for 14 hours.

But whoever we are, however we stand, we all have something for which to give thanks to God. Today is the day to remember that, no matter how hard life is treating you.