The hair equivalent of obese

Short hair doesn't work on Hollywood actresses. It's not going to work on you:

Take Michelle Williams - one of the prettiest young actresses around - who recently announced that boys hate her hair. She told Elle UK: 'I've really grown into it - I feel like myself with short hair. And it's been a really long time since I had long hair, five years. Of course, the only people who like it are gay men and my girlfriends. Straight men across the board are not into this hair.'

We're pretty sure we could find at least a couple of straight men who still think she looks gorgeous, but the 31-year-old has only found one exception.

One exception... and he killed himself. QED. Short hair on women isn't merely ugly, it's aggressively unsexy. There is a reason strippers and porn stars have extraordinarily long hair, which is that their jobs depend upon being sexually attractive to men. So, unless you're genuinely trying to look less attractive to men, don't even think about chopping off your hair. And if you want to be more attractive, then grow your hair longer.

Of course, your girlfriends will coo over how "cute" a short hairstyle is. Do you know what else is cute? Babies. And puppies. Now ask yourself this question: do most men want to have sex with babies and puppies? Women love to encourage other women to cut their hair off for the very simple reason that it makes them look better by comparison. It's the same reason they're always telling women who are 15 pounds overweight that they are "too skinny" and encouraging them to eat more.

It would be interesting to work out exactly how unattractive short hair is to men on average using the fat metric. I would say that short hair is the rough equivalent of a woman carrying an extra 20 pounds, but then, I tend to prefer very slender women. So, for the average man, I would estimate that short hair reduces a woman's level of attractiveness by around 30 pounds.