By Artistry
As we waited last summer for our prodigal son to announce his return to the scene of his greatest glory, we
wrote a song about Jaromir Jagr. While this summer we contemplated a new NHL dream team, we refreshed our Twitter feed once every 45 seconds for news about Zach Parise and Ryan Suter. Now we're tired. So very tired. And we have a message for a couple of guys still ruminating about whether to show up in Pittsburgh.
WE DON'T CARE.
This is probably just "Will he or won't he" fatigue, but I think my pulse actually slows when I hear Shane Doan is "intrigued" by the Penguins, or that they are "on his list." Don't do us any f***ing favors, OK buddy? You're 35-years-old, slow, and expensive. Thanks for letting us know the Pens are still "in the mix," and that maybe, if fortune smiles upon us, you will visit. You have been "in the mix" of things I don't care about for the last 15 years, you are still very much "in the mix" now.
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| Boy, doesn't this look exciting?!?!?! |
Oh, what's that, contract talks have broken down with Mike Wallace? Oh no! Who is going to drop passes for the Steelers in December? How are we going to survive without signing a guy with 500 fewer catches than Larry Fitzgerald to a Larry Fitzgerald contract? It's OK, Mike Wallace. I'm sure the Steelers, who have never let a holdout dictate contract terms to them in the whole history of time, will make an exception for you. Your agent is giving you terrific advice. Tell him to keep up the good work.
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| Limas: "Did someone say dropped passes?" |
That's enough for today. I could go on, but really, who has the energy?
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