"You don't want to spoil that kid. You hope he never changes." Clock is ticking.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
If I Was Still Doing The Pageant Of The Transmundane Every Week...
...I Am Your Grandma would surely win this week. I really enjoy lovingly bizarre things and Jillian Mayer created just such an artifact.
I especially love the look on her face at the end of it, like she is bewildered by what just happened. It makes the video so much more delightful.
I wish I had a badge to give her for this effort, but I got lazy and didn't make one even though I said I would hand out this award from time to time.
I especially love the look on her face at the end of it, like she is bewildered by what just happened. It makes the video so much more delightful.
I wish I had a badge to give her for this effort, but I got lazy and didn't make one even though I said I would hand out this award from time to time.
Upcoming Interview on With Special Guest
I'll be on With Special Guest on July 3rd at 8p Eastern. We'll talk about the Thousand-Year Game Design Challenge and a bunch of other stuff. Past episodes' guests have included Jonathan Coulton, MC Frontalot, and Wendee Lee. Good company! Check out the show Sunday night.
» With Special Guest
» With Special Guest
High (or medium) finance
Whenever I post a picture of GSN President David Goldhill, I swear he was separated at birth from baseball's Michael Young. Just a frightening likeness. Right down to the, er, sizable ears.Anyway, I'm not running the photo just to make fun of Mr. Goldhill's facial features. As anybody can see from my photo on this blog, I've got plenty of facial issues myself. Instead, I saw this interesting MediaPost story on the ownership machinations about our little game show network.
As I posted a while back, Sony recently bought back 5% of GSN from co-owner DirecTV for $60 million, a transaction which valued the entire network at $1.2 billion. The story says that Sony will now have operational control of the network, despite its smaller ownership stake.
Seems a little unusual, and the story explains:
In March, [Sony] paid $60 million to DirecTV for an additional 5% in GSN, increasing its position to 40%. With that, DirecTV also gained the right to force [Sony] to become the new majority owner. [Sony] would have to up its stake to 58% for between $234 million to $288 million, according to a Sony SEC filing.The story says that neither Sony nor DirecTV would offer any explanation for these wheelings and dealings. Writer David Goetzl speculates that Sony might want a platform for Internet games based on its extensive library of game shows. Goetzl also says that GSN would benefit from advertisers placing a higher value on older viewers. No kidding.
Using those amounts, depending on earnings, that would give GSN an estimated value of between $1.3 billion and $1.6 billion, over the period of 2012 to 2014. Based on the March deal, the current value of GSN would be $1.2 billion.
EVER SO SLIGHTLY RELATED UPDATE: TV.com is running a throwdown between ABC Family and GSN. The description of GSN actually mentions horrible memory Late Night Liars. Passers-by are invited to vote for their favorite of the two networks. I abstained. Gotta be objective in my game show punditry (that's a joke, folks).
Polish Flames of War campaign WIP preview
Thought I could share a very early WIP of my PDF campaign book. This is the PDF where I compile the completed pieces of text etc, I have other word documents where scenarios and campaign ideas take shape.So the idea with this campaign book is to cover around 20 battles. These range from small isolated actions or skirmishes to full blow army vs army battles that last several days.
I've tried to wrap my head around how to present the campaign itself, but the way it will most likely end up is that you'll have both "single battles" that are confined to a single battlefield, such as the defense of Westerplatte and battle of Kepa Oksywska and Modlin fortress.
Linked scenarios revolving around the same battle but where a larger geographical area is involved, such as siege of Warsaw, battle of Wizna and battle of Bzura. These will be pretty much "operations" where the players will play linked scenarios and the outcome of the previous battles will affect the following battle in one way or the other. Be it with additional reinforcements breaking through or the increase of air and armored forces available for the attacker/defenders.
The last type of scenarios will focus on specific army units, such as the 10th motorized cavalry brigade, and follow them through the campaign. Obviously the protagonists are the Polish in this book so the main focus will be on them. However, I will try to include a German point of view when writing this last type of scenarios as well. Especially since I have a pretty sweet file containing the German tactical planning and execution where you get to follow several different armies and units during the invasion.
I'm still considering what to do about the Soviet part of the invasion. Basically the back was turned on the Soviet union completely, even as late as 17th September (date of the Soviet invasion) the Polish were pulling forces from the east to stem the German tide. So the Soviets didn't face much organized resistance, thus no memorable battles of the same style as against the Germans. Add to that the lack of Soviet forces in the Blitzkrieg book I'm thinking about only mentioning their part in the text and most likely not include any Polish-Soviet battles.
This is a pretty big project that can easily get overwhelming unless planned correctly. I also want it to look as good as possible. So I can't say when it will be finished, but I hope sometime next month.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
KUOWGATE, July 4th Weather, and a Radar Animation
There is some serious wind tonight--with gusts to 20-30 mph as an upper trough moves through. Almost blew me over on my bike today.
Tonight, I wanted to talk about the most serious aspect of the KUOW affair: the extraordinary willingness of the station to spread incorrect information to defend itself. But considering that some of you are not interested in this, I decided to put it into a separate blog:
http://kuowgate.blogspot.com/
This week the National Weather Service sent me a marvelous video of the construction of the new Langley Hill radar. Check it out here:
I love the part where they build the dome and put it on top of the tower!
July 4? Looking good! Tomorrow (Thursday) will bring lots of clouds and some showers, particularly in the convergence zone and along the western slopes of the Cascades. Friday and Saturday should be sunny and warm. Sunday--clouds and perhaps some showers...and then major improvement on July 4th... just in time for picnics, parades, and illicit incendiary activities.
But let me give you some good news, particularly since the front page of the Seattle Times on Thursday talks about the dangers of snow on our trails. It really looks that we are going to transition to true summer weather next week. Here is the National Weather Service 6-10 day forecasts for temperature and precipitation--higher probability of warmer than normal and drier than normal weather. More on this on Friday....
Tonight, I wanted to talk about the most serious aspect of the KUOW affair: the extraordinary willingness of the station to spread incorrect information to defend itself. But considering that some of you are not interested in this, I decided to put it into a separate blog:
http://kuowgate.blogspot.com/
This week the National Weather Service sent me a marvelous video of the construction of the new Langley Hill radar. Check it out here:
I love the part where they build the dome and put it on top of the tower!
July 4? Looking good! Tomorrow (Thursday) will bring lots of clouds and some showers, particularly in the convergence zone and along the western slopes of the Cascades. Friday and Saturday should be sunny and warm. Sunday--clouds and perhaps some showers...and then major improvement on July 4th... just in time for picnics, parades, and illicit incendiary activities.
But let me give you some good news, particularly since the front page of the Seattle Times on Thursday talks about the dangers of snow on our trails. It really looks that we are going to transition to true summer weather next week. Here is the National Weather Service 6-10 day forecasts for temperature and precipitation--higher probability of warmer than normal and drier than normal weather. More on this on Friday....
Petr Svoboda Calls it a Night; Ray Shero Never Sleeps
By Artistry
There goes the Penguins artificial Wednesday deadline to fish or cut bait with Jaromir Jagr, who said he'd have a decision like 6 hours ago and has now evidently disappeared, leaving his poor agent to field phone calls from mischievous pensbloggers. Who would pull something like this? Only Jagr. Or LeBron.
Meanwhile, Shero hasn't blinked. Pens resign Arron Asham tonight to a 1 year, $775,000 deal. After leading the team in offense during the 2011 playoffs, we'd say it's fair that he now accounts for about 1% of the team's payroll.
There goes the Penguins artificial Wednesday deadline to fish or cut bait with Jaromir Jagr, who said he'd have a decision like 6 hours ago and has now evidently disappeared, leaving his poor agent to field phone calls from mischievous pensbloggers. Who would pull something like this? Only Jagr. Or LeBron.
Meanwhile, Shero hasn't blinked. Pens resign Arron Asham tonight to a 1 year, $775,000 deal. After leading the team in offense during the 2011 playoffs, we'd say it's fair that he now accounts for about 1% of the team's payroll.
 |
| Bank. |
No brains, no problem?
With 101 Ways keeping almost all of its debut audience, I can't help wondering if the era of brainless game shows is upon us. Not that I necessarily dislike dumb game shows. Brainlessness can be fun, and not every game show should be a Jeopardy-style test of wits.Wipeout led the way recently in the low-I.Q. category, but the sub-genre really dates back at least to the ancient Beat the Clock. Stupid human tricks have always been fun to watch for other humans. This is an entertainment business, after all, and if silly stunts entertain, who am I to complain?
I'll admit to preferring quizzers and word games to physical comedy in game shows. I can watch Lingo and Cash Cab every day, but 101 Ways would get old fast for me on a daily diet. But once a week is okay for silliness, even for my stuffy self. Why not relax now and then and enjoy something that won't overload any brain cells?
Midweek Video: After Hours: Why Batman Is Secretly Terrible for Gotham
After Hours is my favorite thing on the Cracked site.
There was a moment where I predicted the ending... did you have that experience?
There was a moment where I predicted the ending... did you have that experience?
Toontastic Animation Contest
Toontastic is a terrific iPad app that allows kids to make animated stories. It is currently only $0.99 at the iTunes App Store so it is a no brainer if you have an iPad plus a minimum of one child. We bought it when it was $2.99 and haven't regretted it one bit. I reviewed it a few months back here.
Anyhow, Toontastic are having a Summer Animation Contest asking kids to animate a favourite storybook. My 10 year old son immediately took up the challenge and animated The Giving Tree. You can see the result here. The amazing thing is that he did it from heart as we don't have the book itself here in the US.
Malifaux - Freikorps test model
After having played and expanded my Resurrectonists for a good while I looked over the rulebook and expansion to see if I could find some faction and crew limited enough to consist of a few models and with a theme of their own so I wouldn't need to expand them at all.I decided upon the Outcast "Freikorps" which truth to be told look completely out of place, way too steampunk/sci fi to fit in with any other models in the Outcast faction.
The sculpts reminded me of some vague idea of "Sky pirates", I also think the Freikorps would work without problem in a Post Apocalypse game or Secrets of the Third Reich. I'll think about that while I paint the rest.
This is a test model I painted yesterday to get a feel for the minis, and they are as much a pain in the ass to paint as I predicted. Extreme amounts of tiny details that doesn't allow for a structured speedy paintjob. Models themselves are great sculpts and look very nice when painted. I'm just happy I only have 8 more to paint and that it will stop at that.
The base is the usual "bird sand" painted in two shades, "Jungle tufts", "Grass Green flock" and small leaves painted purple for that weirdo Malifaux feeling.
I decided that the Freikorps will be divided with "class" markings in form of a striped sweater. The Freikorpsmen (regular grunts like this guy) will have yellow stripes, the Librarian spell caster will have purple stripes, Snipers/hunters will have blue and the flamethrower specialist will have black. Von Schill, the leader does not have a sweater, as he is sculpted with naked arms. Though I'm thinking of painting his arms covered - not decided how just yet.
These models were also a pain in the ass to clean up, the mould lines were very fine but all over the place. And with that amount of details, cleaning was pretty hard and time consuming. The sniper rifles on the hunter miniatures also proved to be too soft for my liking and the rifles bend easily which made cleanup even harder.
As I'm out of matt varnish this will be the last model up on the blog for a few days, no point in posting glossy models if I have to repost them with matt varnish later. So I just wanted to share my vision for the Freikorps. Should have some matt varnish this weekend though.
On the bright side, this will free up some time for me to write some overdue newbie articles for Flames of War and continue working on my Polish campaign.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
RHONY Episode 12 Recap: Party Like It's Pre-2008
By Sheer Elegance, GTOG Special Guest Blogger
OMG Event planning! Ramona Avery and LuAnn Victoria are both turning sixteen and are planning Super Sweet Sixteen parties. “Man, you definitely look like you’re more than sixteen,” says Anthony, LuAnn’s creepy event planner. Avery is bitchy. “Mom, it’s not your party! I need 10, 000 square feet. You can have, like five guests.” LuAnn just wants her daughter to have a simple little party, you know, like at a nightclub in Manhattan called Arena, because, “It’s like an arena.” Avery does not want a winter wonderland theme. She does not want performers, because it will seem like a Bat Mitzvah. She likes control and she does not like break dancing. She doesn’t, like, want a Hollywood theme. Anthony suggests an ice luge with mocktails sliding down it for Victoria. She seems into it.
Avery is a stone cold killer, while Victoria seems more shy and grateful to her mom. I am having palpitations watching these Housewife mothers with their Housewife daughters. I want my 4 year old to never grow, ever.
Sonja comes to Jill’s dermatologist’s office to meet with Jill’s sister the lawyer about her bankruptcy problems. I too like to conduct all my meetings at my dermatologist. It’s just convenient, and I like the chairs.
Read the full recap here...
Poor Sonja. “I’m a lover, a gardener, a hostess. I’m not Donald Trump filing chapter 11.” Jill’s sister is good on TV and good at explaining money stuff. I suspect she’ll have a show soon on Bravo. Meeting over. Let’s go watch Jill get a “liquid facelift” by getting needles stuck up to her brain by a name brand doctor. “Ok, let’s enjoy ourselves,” Sonja says, ironically. Sister still got her sense of humor. Ouchie! That looks like it fucking kills. The dermatologist loves loves loves loves doing it. It makes her so happy. Sorry, that is just a strange thing to say. Maybe she loves the way her patients look afterwards, but can she really like the process? Can you imagine a pediatrician saying, “I love giving these shots to kids!” Is it really worth getting this for free Jill? Gross.
LuAnn and Cindy are planning a surprise party at Chez Josephine, a restaurant run by Elton John. Bawby is here in one of his new suits Jill picked out for him last week. Bawby!!
Ramona invites LuAnn to Avery's party and seems surprised that Luann is having her daughter’s party on the same night. She is being competitive with her number of guests and undermining LuAnn left and right. Luann tries to pass her off to the magician and Ramona is incredibly rude to him – talking over him as he attempts to his sad little tricks. Here comes Simon wearing a caftan made with Zarin fabrics! Murray Hill the drag king says he’s dressed like a lesbian, which Ramona finds high-larious.
Everyone thinks its Jill coming through the door but false alarm, its only Howie’s girlfriend making a face like she swallowed something in the car on the way over. Oh hi Howie. But now here’s Jill and her hag friend from the Island and their liquid facelifts. She’s surprised! Thought she was going to see a show. “Look what Bawby bought me.” Giant freaking diamonds. She is totally dying right now.
And here is Ramona, undermining in the confessional. The party sucked. The room was narrow, uncomfortable, and she couldn’t talk to people.
Jacques tinkling the keys of the piano. Cindy is funny. Does a nice toast, she’s comfortable in that setting. This is the candle lighting at Bat Mitzvah party Avery did not want. Here’s weirdo Kelly apologizing about the surprise and being late. Look, there’s Michael Musto! Babwy’s toast: “You’re my wife, my lovah, and my best friend. Come mere baby! Kiss and a hug.”
Ramona is typing on her blackberry – “this party needs a jump start.” She puts on a red wig she pulled out of Kelly’s Dora the Explorer Backpack and does a vengeful imitation of Jill. “Bawby, my diamonds aren’t big enough.” While true, it’s not “classy” at all. Pretty mean. Everyone else is being nice. Jill does not like this imitation.
Here comes LuAnn down the stairs in a strapless dress with a giant peacock on her head. She is singing a song she wrote about Jill and channeling Josephine Baker. A huge “woman man” Ramona calls her. “What a bee-yoo-tiful voice” says Jill. Her voice is awful. As far as Housewife parties go, this one looks kind of fun. They seem to be having a good time for once.
LuAnn takes Victoria shopping for a dress, but can’t help picking up something for herself. She’s being ok tonight -- self-aware at least for once. Victoria tries on a lot of slutty dresses and settles on one.
Back in Brooklyn, an awesome schlumpy Brooklyn hypnotist with an unspecified accent comes to see Simon and Alex. Simon has tried a couple of times to quit smoking and this guy is here to help. Alex looks skeptical but is going along with it. Simon has to go have one more cigarette before getting hypnotized, which is strange, but addiction is like that I suppose. Simon is doing it for the boys. Alex knows nagging doesn’t work but that doesn’t mean it stops wives like me from trying.
Hypnotist hypnotizes. I’m surprised he doesn’t dangle a giant pocket watch in front of Simon’s face and say, “you are getting very very sleepy.” Simon slumps over and the hypnotist starts yelling at Simon, “You are a non-smoker!” I love this guy! I want him to come over and yell at me that eating Swedish fish is bad. Simon wakes up and feels like there is a yucky taste in his mouth from the cigs. Alex looks surprised and skeptical. They embrace, to new beginnings. Simon looks not so good so lets hope he is taking care of his weird self and that it isn’t just cigarettes he is abusing.
Next scene is Avery and her friends going to a new restaurant. They walk down the street arm in arm and sit at the table and eat pizza and talk about the party. They seem very glossy and mature and Gossip Girly. Avery basically says that anybody who is anybody from the city is coming to the party. Her BFF saw the guest list and seems to approve, especially since “David” is coming. Ramona tells us in a confessional that Avery has an elite group of friends. And get Justin Beiber to come, one of the Housewives in Training says. Or Katy Perry. Jesus. Elite group indeed.
Cindy and Alex are working out with Cindy’s adorable trainer, which is great, except that Cindy has a stinky hoody. She looks great for having such little kids. She must work out hard and expensively. Cindy doesn’t really seem to get bothered by much. I think I would like to be friends with her and meet her trainer.
Into Avery’s party which is being set up for the night. Avery squeals with her BFF about the furniture and the décor but everyone is afraid of lawsuits so they call off this really exciting fake snow that the party planners were so psyched about. Ramona – who is afraid of no one -- looks totally scared of Avery, and I would be too. She is so happy that Avery is happy, but almost as if she is the personal assistant to Mariah Carey or something, like she can never please her and she finally got her to get excited for five minutes.
Mario is very conservative and doesn’t want there to be beds at the party, which really is a natural fit for sixteen year olds. Ramona has convinced him that these are seating. I’m sure Mario knows his way around a cabana bed. He seems much more wary of the cameras than he used to a few seasons ago – I wonder what’s going on behind the scenes here. Ramona is worried about the wine. Hey, event planner lady who looks constantly exasperated, where is that goddamned wine? Seriously. This is going to cost as much as a wedding! How is Ramona this rich again???? She’s very nervous about the wine. She dials a random number on her blackberry and asks for the Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio and um, some vodka. Too bad its Jill’s dermatologist and not the liquor store on Park and 82nd.
Victoria’s party. I’m so excited that the music producer from LuAnn’s single is DJing! Sweet! I think I spotted him at Jill’s surprise party too. Victoria has no problem with performers – people are hanging from the ceiling and juggling. FYI Avery, it doesn’t feel at all like a Bat Mitzvah. Kelly gives her a box of something and has a great Kellyism in a confessional. “Victoria is a cool girl. If she’s not like a Marc Jacobs muse or working for French Vogue in five years, then I don’t know anything.” OMG.
Avery is on the way to her party in the pre-requisite limo with her friends. Their dresses are crazy short, their hair and make-up professional.
The two parties happen to be on the same night, so the Housewives must choose between them. So contrived. Jill and Kelly go first to Victoria’s and arrive next at Ramona’s. Jill makes a dig right away that she’s never seen an adult section at a party like this and its only for impressing Ramona’s fancy friends. I can see Jill doing the exact same thing. If there hadn’t been a separate section she would have been dissing on her for that. “Its just not done that the adults should mingle with the kids. They should have their own section.” She really is a hater.
Though Avery’s is rather opulent, fancier than most weddings. Lots of lighting design and white leather furniture. Sonja looks glamorous but a bit worn. Came to the party with the adult section. I don’t blame her. Its February in New York and bitch is broke. Jill to the catering guy “no napkins – how could you have no napkins?” Looking for a fight this one is.
Ramona is feeling competitive. Wants to know what the theme was at LuAnn’s from the ladies who went there first. She argues with Jill about whether Ramona created a club from this loft space and if it’s different than just booking the party in an actual club. The editors of this show are so naughty. They show Ramona saying, “Why would I have a party in a club when Avery can’t be in a club for another 5 years.” And right as she says in a voiceover, “it sends a mixed message,” they show her nervously at the party taking a gulp of her wine.
Then Avery tells Kelly that she wants Ramona and her friends out of there. She’s does a verbal eye roll every time she opens her mouth. Kelly steps in to tell Ramona to get the hell out of Avery’s space that Ramona probably paid 500,000 dollars for.
Victoria seems to be having slightly more fun than Avery, but it could just be that she’s hammered. Her party looks more like an actual party than the stage-managed one Ramona Avery is hosting. Part of what’s weird about Avery’s is there’s no music, and there’s too much space. No one is yelling, or dancing. Just posing for professional photographers. Crazy how Avery knows exactly what to do in front of them. The right smile and hip pivot. Scary. She probably already has a line of party planning jewelry or something that she’s working on.
What’s this? Bawby has had a few drinks and is getting up in it with Simon! “Peace and love is my mantra,” he says to Simon. I’ve never heard Babwy talk so much. Look at his Jewish Mafia style, those glasses, that hair. “We had dinner, we love the kids. The girls had a rough patch.” God I love his intonation – it is so familiar. “An internet blog, a hate blog, hate mongers.” One of those Internet bloggity things. He is sort of telling Simon off and Simon is likely lying. Not sure what is going on but here comes Smoove Mario to smoove it over. I’m sure we’ll hear more about the hate mongers and Simon’s general grossness next week. “To peace, love and health,” says Bawby.
For the record, I would have preferred Victoria’s party with the ice luges and the Ecstasy brought in by Lu’s music producer with the mohawk. Having Jill complain about the steak tartar and how the lighting design was over the top/not sophisticated enough would have been a huge drag. Though I would have attended either affair if only to give Bawby a hug and smell his Drakkar Noir aftershave.
Peace, love, health.
xo
OMG Event planning! Ramona Avery and LuAnn Victoria are both turning sixteen and are planning Super Sweet Sixteen parties. “Man, you definitely look like you’re more than sixteen,” says Anthony, LuAnn’s creepy event planner. Avery is bitchy. “Mom, it’s not your party! I need 10, 000 square feet. You can have, like five guests.” LuAnn just wants her daughter to have a simple little party, you know, like at a nightclub in Manhattan called Arena, because, “It’s like an arena.” Avery does not want a winter wonderland theme. She does not want performers, because it will seem like a Bat Mitzvah. She likes control and she does not like break dancing. She doesn’t, like, want a Hollywood theme. Anthony suggests an ice luge with mocktails sliding down it for Victoria. She seems into it.
 |
| There will be none of this nonsense. |
Sonja comes to Jill’s dermatologist’s office to meet with Jill’s sister the lawyer about her bankruptcy problems. I too like to conduct all my meetings at my dermatologist. It’s just convenient, and I like the chairs.
Read the full recap here...
Poor Sonja. “I’m a lover, a gardener, a hostess. I’m not Donald Trump filing chapter 11.” Jill’s sister is good on TV and good at explaining money stuff. I suspect she’ll have a show soon on Bravo. Meeting over. Let’s go watch Jill get a “liquid facelift” by getting needles stuck up to her brain by a name brand doctor. “Ok, let’s enjoy ourselves,” Sonja says, ironically. Sister still got her sense of humor. Ouchie! That looks like it fucking kills. The dermatologist loves loves loves loves doing it. It makes her so happy. Sorry, that is just a strange thing to say. Maybe she loves the way her patients look afterwards, but can she really like the process? Can you imagine a pediatrician saying, “I love giving these shots to kids!” Is it really worth getting this for free Jill? Gross.
LuAnn and Cindy are planning a surprise party at Chez Josephine, a restaurant run by Elton John. Bawby is here in one of his new suits Jill picked out for him last week. Bawby!!
 |
| Really couldn't be more pleased to have them. |
Everyone thinks its Jill coming through the door but false alarm, its only Howie’s girlfriend making a face like she swallowed something in the car on the way over. Oh hi Howie. But now here’s Jill and her hag friend from the Island and their liquid facelifts. She’s surprised! Thought she was going to see a show. “Look what Bawby bought me.” Giant freaking diamonds. She is totally dying right now.
And here is Ramona, undermining in the confessional. The party sucked. The room was narrow, uncomfortable, and she couldn’t talk to people.
Jacques tinkling the keys of the piano. Cindy is funny. Does a nice toast, she’s comfortable in that setting. This is the candle lighting at Bat Mitzvah party Avery did not want. Here’s weirdo Kelly apologizing about the surprise and being late. Look, there’s Michael Musto! Babwy’s toast: “You’re my wife, my lovah, and my best friend. Come mere baby! Kiss and a hug.”
Ramona is typing on her blackberry – “this party needs a jump start.” She puts on a red wig she pulled out of Kelly’s Dora the Explorer Backpack and does a vengeful imitation of Jill. “Bawby, my diamonds aren’t big enough.” While true, it’s not “classy” at all. Pretty mean. Everyone else is being nice. Jill does not like this imitation.
Here comes LuAnn down the stairs in a strapless dress with a giant peacock on her head. She is singing a song she wrote about Jill and channeling Josephine Baker. A huge “woman man” Ramona calls her. “What a bee-yoo-tiful voice” says Jill. Her voice is awful. As far as Housewife parties go, this one looks kind of fun. They seem to be having a good time for once.
LuAnn takes Victoria shopping for a dress, but can’t help picking up something for herself. She’s being ok tonight -- self-aware at least for once. Victoria tries on a lot of slutty dresses and settles on one.
Back in Brooklyn, an awesome schlumpy Brooklyn hypnotist with an unspecified accent comes to see Simon and Alex. Simon has tried a couple of times to quit smoking and this guy is here to help. Alex looks skeptical but is going along with it. Simon has to go have one more cigarette before getting hypnotized, which is strange, but addiction is like that I suppose. Simon is doing it for the boys. Alex knows nagging doesn’t work but that doesn’t mean it stops wives like me from trying.
 |
| Doing it for the Boys |
Next scene is Avery and her friends going to a new restaurant. They walk down the street arm in arm and sit at the table and eat pizza and talk about the party. They seem very glossy and mature and Gossip Girly. Avery basically says that anybody who is anybody from the city is coming to the party. Her BFF saw the guest list and seems to approve, especially since “David” is coming. Ramona tells us in a confessional that Avery has an elite group of friends. And get Justin Beiber to come, one of the Housewives in Training says. Or Katy Perry. Jesus. Elite group indeed.
Cindy and Alex are working out with Cindy’s adorable trainer, which is great, except that Cindy has a stinky hoody. She looks great for having such little kids. She must work out hard and expensively. Cindy doesn’t really seem to get bothered by much. I think I would like to be friends with her and meet her trainer.
Into Avery’s party which is being set up for the night. Avery squeals with her BFF about the furniture and the décor but everyone is afraid of lawsuits so they call off this really exciting fake snow that the party planners were so psyched about. Ramona – who is afraid of no one -- looks totally scared of Avery, and I would be too. She is so happy that Avery is happy, but almost as if she is the personal assistant to Mariah Carey or something, like she can never please her and she finally got her to get excited for five minutes.
Mario is very conservative and doesn’t want there to be beds at the party, which really is a natural fit for sixteen year olds. Ramona has convinced him that these are seating. I’m sure Mario knows his way around a cabana bed. He seems much more wary of the cameras than he used to a few seasons ago – I wonder what’s going on behind the scenes here. Ramona is worried about the wine. Hey, event planner lady who looks constantly exasperated, where is that goddamned wine? Seriously. This is going to cost as much as a wedding! How is Ramona this rich again???? She’s very nervous about the wine. She dials a random number on her blackberry and asks for the Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio and um, some vodka. Too bad its Jill’s dermatologist and not the liquor store on Park and 82nd.
Victoria’s party. I’m so excited that the music producer from LuAnn’s single is DJing! Sweet! I think I spotted him at Jill’s surprise party too. Victoria has no problem with performers – people are hanging from the ceiling and juggling. FYI Avery, it doesn’t feel at all like a Bat Mitzvah. Kelly gives her a box of something and has a great Kellyism in a confessional. “Victoria is a cool girl. If she’s not like a Marc Jacobs muse or working for French Vogue in five years, then I don’t know anything.” OMG.
Avery is on the way to her party in the pre-requisite limo with her friends. Their dresses are crazy short, their hair and make-up professional.
The two parties happen to be on the same night, so the Housewives must choose between them. So contrived. Jill and Kelly go first to Victoria’s and arrive next at Ramona’s. Jill makes a dig right away that she’s never seen an adult section at a party like this and its only for impressing Ramona’s fancy friends. I can see Jill doing the exact same thing. If there hadn’t been a separate section she would have been dissing on her for that. “Its just not done that the adults should mingle with the kids. They should have their own section.” She really is a hater.
Though Avery’s is rather opulent, fancier than most weddings. Lots of lighting design and white leather furniture. Sonja looks glamorous but a bit worn. Came to the party with the adult section. I don’t blame her. Its February in New York and bitch is broke. Jill to the catering guy “no napkins – how could you have no napkins?” Looking for a fight this one is.
Ramona is feeling competitive. Wants to know what the theme was at LuAnn’s from the ladies who went there first. She argues with Jill about whether Ramona created a club from this loft space and if it’s different than just booking the party in an actual club. The editors of this show are so naughty. They show Ramona saying, “Why would I have a party in a club when Avery can’t be in a club for another 5 years.” And right as she says in a voiceover, “it sends a mixed message,” they show her nervously at the party taking a gulp of her wine.
 |
| Meeting this week's Ramona Picture Quota |
Victoria seems to be having slightly more fun than Avery, but it could just be that she’s hammered. Her party looks more like an actual party than the stage-managed one Ramona Avery is hosting. Part of what’s weird about Avery’s is there’s no music, and there’s too much space. No one is yelling, or dancing. Just posing for professional photographers. Crazy how Avery knows exactly what to do in front of them. The right smile and hip pivot. Scary. She probably already has a line of party planning jewelry or something that she’s working on.
What’s this? Bawby has had a few drinks and is getting up in it with Simon! “Peace and love is my mantra,” he says to Simon. I’ve never heard Babwy talk so much. Look at his Jewish Mafia style, those glasses, that hair. “We had dinner, we love the kids. The girls had a rough patch.” God I love his intonation – it is so familiar. “An internet blog, a hate blog, hate mongers.” One of those Internet bloggity things. He is sort of telling Simon off and Simon is likely lying. Not sure what is going on but here comes Smoove Mario to smoove it over. I’m sure we’ll hear more about the hate mongers and Simon’s general grossness next week. “To peace, love and health,” says Bawby.
For the record, I would have preferred Victoria’s party with the ice luges and the Ecstasy brought in by Lu’s music producer with the mohawk. Having Jill complain about the steak tartar and how the lighting design was over the top/not sophisticated enough would have been a huge drag. Though I would have attended either affair if only to give Bawby a hug and smell his Drakkar Noir aftershave.
Peace, love, health.
xo
The SCOTUS Decision On California's Gaming Law
With the recent Supreme Court decision striking down California's controversial video game sales ban to minors, there has been a lot of griping from certain vocal groups about how damaging games are to kids.
Now, I am in no way advocating that children have access to every game, rather I am in favor of parents/guardians making informed decisions about games based on ratings like another form of media which also has a voluntary industry-derived ratings board. I am of course talking about the film industry. Its ratings are also voluntarily enforced by its member theatres and retailers.
This ruling not only protects gaming, it protects film as well, since a ruling in favor of the law would have created precedence for a future challenge of the film industry. Since a lot of major retailers said they would no longer carry M-rated titles if the law stood, the financial incentive for developers to create games for players over 18, who make up 82% of all gamers, would have been greatly diminished.
But when I think about my lifetime of playing video games and I weigh it against the other media I was exposed to around the same time, I can honestly say that movies, books and the like did far more psychological scarring to me than video games have.
Off the top of my head, here are just a few of the things from my childhood (and a couple from my adulthood) which have messed me up more than any video game.
The Burning Bed: There is a particular shot from this TV movie that came up every time they discussed the film on TV, and in every trailer for it. The scene I am talking about is a close up of Farrah Fawcett's face and you can see her husband's hand with a beer in it beside her head. And when he opens it, she flinches and he just backhands her. Granted, the whole movie is upsetting, and the fact that it was a tv movie meant that at random times, as a kid, I would just run into it as part of an afternoon matinee on a network television station or on a nightly movie in syndication.
Death Wish II: I happened to see this movie on tv when I was a kid, and even though it was edited for that medium, it still featured the rape and accidental suicide of Paul Kersey's daughter. And even though I watched a lot of horror movies with my sister, that particular set of incidents really affected me.
Gravity's Rainbow: The only thing I can really remember about this mammoth book now is the thing that made me have to put it down for a few minutes. What was that thing? A woman took a dump in a high ranking member of the American military's mouth (who was receptive to that). As far as I know, I don't think any mainstream game out there has that. I could be wrong, but I so hope I am not about that.
History: I have a history degree, so I had always had a healthy interest in the subject. But with that interest, you also find out about the more sinister elements of the subject. You know, details about the Spanish Inquisition, the Mayans, the Nazis, the Japanese Army during the Second World War, the witch trials etc which will mess with your mind. To quote an very accurate internet saying, what has been seen cannot be unseen.
24-hour News: Think about how many times you've seen the video of 9/11, or school shootings, bombings etc in days that followed each of those events, or on their anniversaries. Part of me thinks it is sort of sick that every September 11th, the media decide to show the video of people leaping to their deaths from windows and the roof. I remember... I think most people who were alive and cognizant of the world during that day remember it. But I think the fact that stuff like this messes people up should go without saying.
And then as I was writing this, it also occurred to me that the generations of children the initial law was passed to protect are the same generations of kids that have cell phones and laptops with internet access and outside of real life things I've seen/experienced, the internet has been the thing that I would say has exposed me to the most disturbing things I've ever seen or read.
I have a niece. I am not really afraid of the mainstream or even indie games she is going to play. I'm a lot more afraid of the movies she is going to see and especially the sites she is going to visit before she is 18, because the worst things in those two areas would instantly make a game Adults Only and thus, unavailable to the general shopping public. I don't foresee a game where 3 people become one huge digestive system, or a game with a brutal, 9 minute rape scene filmed in one long take, let alone anything resembling one of those shock videos online.
Now, I am in no way advocating that children have access to every game, rather I am in favor of parents/guardians making informed decisions about games based on ratings like another form of media which also has a voluntary industry-derived ratings board. I am of course talking about the film industry. Its ratings are also voluntarily enforced by its member theatres and retailers.
This ruling not only protects gaming, it protects film as well, since a ruling in favor of the law would have created precedence for a future challenge of the film industry. Since a lot of major retailers said they would no longer carry M-rated titles if the law stood, the financial incentive for developers to create games for players over 18, who make up 82% of all gamers, would have been greatly diminished.
But when I think about my lifetime of playing video games and I weigh it against the other media I was exposed to around the same time, I can honestly say that movies, books and the like did far more psychological scarring to me than video games have.
Off the top of my head, here are just a few of the things from my childhood (and a couple from my adulthood) which have messed me up more than any video game.
The Burning Bed: There is a particular shot from this TV movie that came up every time they discussed the film on TV, and in every trailer for it. The scene I am talking about is a close up of Farrah Fawcett's face and you can see her husband's hand with a beer in it beside her head. And when he opens it, she flinches and he just backhands her. Granted, the whole movie is upsetting, and the fact that it was a tv movie meant that at random times, as a kid, I would just run into it as part of an afternoon matinee on a network television station or on a nightly movie in syndication.
Death Wish II: I happened to see this movie on tv when I was a kid, and even though it was edited for that medium, it still featured the rape and accidental suicide of Paul Kersey's daughter. And even though I watched a lot of horror movies with my sister, that particular set of incidents really affected me.
Gravity's Rainbow: The only thing I can really remember about this mammoth book now is the thing that made me have to put it down for a few minutes. What was that thing? A woman took a dump in a high ranking member of the American military's mouth (who was receptive to that). As far as I know, I don't think any mainstream game out there has that. I could be wrong, but I so hope I am not about that.
History: I have a history degree, so I had always had a healthy interest in the subject. But with that interest, you also find out about the more sinister elements of the subject. You know, details about the Spanish Inquisition, the Mayans, the Nazis, the Japanese Army during the Second World War, the witch trials etc which will mess with your mind. To quote an very accurate internet saying, what has been seen cannot be unseen.
24-hour News: Think about how many times you've seen the video of 9/11, or school shootings, bombings etc in days that followed each of those events, or on their anniversaries. Part of me thinks it is sort of sick that every September 11th, the media decide to show the video of people leaping to their deaths from windows and the roof. I remember... I think most people who were alive and cognizant of the world during that day remember it. But I think the fact that stuff like this messes people up should go without saying.
And then as I was writing this, it also occurred to me that the generations of children the initial law was passed to protect are the same generations of kids that have cell phones and laptops with internet access and outside of real life things I've seen/experienced, the internet has been the thing that I would say has exposed me to the most disturbing things I've ever seen or read.
I have a niece. I am not really afraid of the mainstream or even indie games she is going to play. I'm a lot more afraid of the movies she is going to see and especially the sites she is going to visit before she is 18, because the worst things in those two areas would instantly make a game Adults Only and thus, unavailable to the general shopping public. I don't foresee a game where 3 people become one huge digestive system, or a game with a brutal, 9 minute rape scene filmed in one long take, let alone anything resembling one of those shock videos online.
Happy Birthday, Robot! at the Tower's All-Weekend Gaming Event
Alexander Williams shares his experience running several sessions of Happy Birthday, Robot!
"I ended up running three games of HBR in a day, twice with an eleven year old and a fourteen year old and once with an all adult group. The big take-away from that? I should never play with children because they're too violent and nasty. Also, they never needed an explanation of what a complete sentence was; adults? It took them a while to figure out that complete sentences were."
» Read the stories on his blog
» Photo: CC BY Alexander Williams
Syndies do this and that
It was an up-and-down week for syndicated game shows, though nothing changed all that drastically. Broadcasting & Cable recounts the seesaw news for the week ending June 19...Wheel of Fortune 5.9 - flat, didn't get on the seesaw
Jeopardy 5.1 - up a tick, which is better than down a tick
Family Feud 2.5 - up a couple ticks into undisputed third place
Millionaire 2.2 - down a tick but at least it's still around
5th Grader 1.1 - flat and not around for much longer
Lyrics 0.8 - down a tick and fading to black
You know the drill. When TV by the Numbers posts the viewership averages, I post them here. It's (very) slight fun to predict when the site will post the syndie numbers. I bet on Wednesday. But I could be wrong, as several have noted on other topics.
I missed my bet (duh). Robert Seidman didn't post the averages until Friday. He apologized, though, which really wasn't necessary but was still a nice touch. The numbers: Wheel of Fortune 9.2 million, Jeopardy 7.8 million, Family Feud 3.7 million. Nice showing for Steve Harvey and friends.
GSN didn't crack TV Newser's top 40 cable network list in prime time or total day for the April-June quarter. Improv-a-Ganza and Love Triangle helped make the three months very forgettable for the network.
Bachelorette Episode 6 Recap: We Would All Prefer Our Fairy Tales to be Simple
By Finesse and Artistry
The Mother of All Bachelorettes, Ali Fedotowsky, tweeted on Monday that this episode is "VERY hard to watch and not because of Bentley." We agree. But it's possible we agree for the wrong reasons. Ali was probably not referring to the fact that watching this show makes you feel like a lonely dragon boat racer, recently concussed during a bout of Muay Thai boxing, trying to keep your eye on the patch of water in front of you, because if you allow yourself to look out at the horizon you'd realize, f---, I still have an hour and forty-two minutes to go. No, she was likely referring to the reaction of several of the Gentlemen to Ashley's revelation about her true feelings for Bentley. The palpable anger. The raging passive aggressiveness. The fiery indignation. It was all clearly justified. Because if there is one thing we've learned about relationships, it's that it is OK if a woman has feelings for six other Gentlemen. But seven? Have you no decency, Ashley? Look, this episode was excruciating for everyone. We're all emotional right now. Fortunately, we can offer the always cathartic experience of the GTOG recap.
- Ah, Hong Kong. Ashley loves "the buildings, the shapes, the hustle and bustle. The traffic." The only other person we know who would actually like traffic is Ryan. Unfortunately, it seems clear that, much like Rose carried a torch for Jack in the movie "Titanic," Ashley will still be pining for Bentley when she is 113 years old. When you go through something traumatic with another person - such as the sinking of the Titanic or three conversations on an episode of the Bachelorette - your bond is sealed. Forever. Or so we thought. When Chris Harrison shows up in her hotel room, Ashley's fight or flight instinct kicks in. "You're scaring me right now," she says.
Harrison knows just how to play this. "Don't be scared," he says. "Bentley is here, in Hong Kong..."
Ashley: "SHUT UP!"
Harrison is unfazed by the assault on all of our senses. He continues, "...in this hotel, right now." This sets up a scene with more punctuation metaphors than we've ever seen on the Bachelorette.
Read on for the FULL recap...
- Unlike the last time that Bentley broke up with show, Harrison is determined not to let Ashley walk away with the "dot dot dot." "Push him for details," he urges. Nodding, Ashley says, "I need more than vagueness." It turns out that Bentley did give her more than vagueness, using a tried and true method that men use all the time to avoid conversations they don't want to have: narrating the present. It's a tactic that, when executed properly, can turn the literal into the romantic. Consider Bentley saying, "I flew all the way around the world to see you." Ashley eats this up, not realizing that it is simply a literal description of the activities of the last 24 hours. Were Bentley physically capable of articulating his true thoughts, he could have continued, "...because I don't like you and you need to get over this." Bentley also seeks to infuse awkward silences with confusion, stammering something to the effect of "you know, who knows, you know, come to Salt Lake, you know, who knows." Ashley, of course, is getting choked up.
- But this is a new and more determined Ashley who is not willing to settle for vagueness. She finally coaxes the breakup line of all breakup lines out of him:
- In her post-period voicing-over, Ashley says, "He knows exactly how to talk to a girl to make them believe what he wants them to believe." Does he really? And here we've spent our lives trying to think of things to say, when in reality, all we have to do is state facts? "Honey, I need you to leave the room, I'm about to do a podcast." She breaks out the sexy lingerie. "I can't meet you for drinks this Saturday, I'm going to the Justin Bieber movie with a 39-year-old man." Should be a Valentine's day card. "I really can't stand Jaden Smith." Ticket to second base.
- Lucas gets the first 1-on-1, also known as the perfect time to get up and go to the bathroom. Because nothing is happening, and because even Ashley is bored, she is forced to reach deep into the Bachelorette bag of tricks to pull out.......wait for it........"What's the hardest thing you've ever been through?" BAM! We're sucked back in. It turns out that it was Lucas's divorce, and we actually felt bad for him until we realized later in the episode that he may have a psychotically violent temper (more on that later). Not to be outdone, Lucas initiates a game of Bachelorette Cliche Hold 'Em:
- If there's one thing every woman needs before going on a dinner date in Hong Kong, it's a thorough spray tan.
- During Lucas's date, the Gentlemen back at the hotel receive the next date card. Both Ryan and Blake desperately want the 1-on-1 date because you can only convince yourself that you're in love with someone you don't know for so long. At some point, you really need to introduce yourself. After the group date participants are announced, we learn that J.P. gets the following, which only a real Bachelorette fan can understand: "1st 2nd 1-1." Ames, still concussed, appeared to react to the bright lights and motion, but was otherwise unresponsive.
- Sometimes all you need to show someone's true colors is a good dragon boat race, and what an inspired choice for tonight's group date. Dragon boat winner: Ben. If you can't tell Ben and Constantine apart, you aren't paying close enough attention. Ben is best described as "better looking than Constantine but worse looking than Rafael Nadal." Also, Ben is the one with the sense of humor. Dragon boat loser even though he won: the guy that's screaming "PUSH!" at the poor native volunteers. You don't want to be an assistant in Chef Mickey's kitchen. More on him later. How did Ashley feel about the date? "Every time I spend time with them, I get to know them a little bit better."
- At the cocktail-party, Ames executes a flawless TriAmesFecta: two collars, two pockets, and two shoulder flaps. No one has ever gone from "irrelevant at best" to "absolutely our favorite" in a shorter span of time. Kudos to you, Ames.
- Ashley follows up her elevator make-out with Ames by immediately making out with Ben, before pulling back upon realizing that maybe she is making out with too many dudes in rapid succession. But Ben smartly holds the kiss, voicing over "The walls are down." We've said it before, and we'll say it again:
- Next up for some alone time on the couch? Ryan, whose light shines so bright that it's best not to look directly at him. All of the other gentlemen are harboring animosity-bordering-on-rage for Ryan, so please allow GTOG to explain why. The man has a Hero Complex. He's the guy your sister brings home for Thanksgiving, who immediately remembers everyone's name, calls your mom "Mrs. [first letter of last name]," cooks three desserts, takes out the trash, makes everyone's drink, plays video games with the kids, tells the origins of his solar energy company, can't stop smiling, tells a story about helping people, helps your cousin with his homework, asks to see your baby pictures, does the dishes, fixes the broken chair-leg, recommends a really great doctor for your grandmother to go see, and volunteers to take your aunt to the airport at midnight when her flight is delayed. We all know this person. He's probably been to your house before and if not, he's coming this year. None of these things, on its own, is bad. But when put all together, you're left with a a toxic blend of Goobery Do-Goodery.
- But even Apollo's light cannot illuminate the dim bulb that is Constantine. After Ryan gets the group date rose, Con is flummoxed. "Some people like cheesy," he says in disbelief. Yes, "some people" like cheesy. It must be especially mystifying for you, Constantine, because you have made the classy decision to find love on the Bachelorette. Blake is also indignant that Ashley finds Ryan's exuberance to be attractive, believing instead that Ashley should prefer Blake's passive aggressiveness and constant need for reaffirmation. To each their own.
- JP gets the coveted 1-on-1 and is probed by Ashley to find out if his feelings are real. One thing about JP that we know is real is that he looks like a guy who organizes a Run Club every Saturday morning at the local Starbucks. Beyond that, we think JP's feelings are sincere, but we can't know for sure. JP, however, earns Ashley's trust. "I want you to know about the whole journey," she coos, before revealing that she had a hard time with Bentley leaving not because Bentley left but because Bentley left. Likewise, we have been having a hard time not because Ashley is the Bachelorette but because Ashley is the Bachelorette. JP handles the Big Reveal with all the dignity you'd expect from a guy who brings extra odometers to the Run Club in case someone forgets. He gets the rose, makes out with a sizable portion of Ashley's right cheek, and earns coveted status as "The Favorite."
- At the cocktail party, Ashley reveals, again, that she was upset about Bentley leaving. To the "2019 Book of Baby Names" Gang (Constantine, Mickey, Blake, and Lucas), this is simply unacceptable. Constantine begins to sweat, if it's possible to "begin" something you've been doing non-stop for a month and a half. Lucas's eyes bulge from his head as he begins to shout indiscriminately, while somewhere in Texas, his ex-wife lets out a big "I TOLD YOU SO!" He wants to know why it's fair that all these gentlemen have been sitting here putting themselves on the line, while Bentley controls Ashley's heart from afar. (Ames chimes in, "and sitting in hospitals." It's unclear if that was in response to anything or just because.) Blake seeks reassurance, which is perplexing given that Blake never got assurance in the first place. Mickey pleads to be sent home before realizing that he can just leave. Ames, confused, wonders, "who is Bentley?"
- A situation like this calls for a Hero, and after the 2019BoBN Gang reveals their true colors, it's down to JP, Ryan, Ben, and Ames to step up. We forget if Ben said anything. JP seeks to defend Ashley in front of everyone, but in return receives only resentment over the fact that he knew the situation the previous night. Ryan, of course, is happy about all of this, if for no other reason than this is a "this," and, therefore, he is happy about it. But the true hero of the night is Ames. While staring 30-degrees to Ashley's right, he smiles and gets out the words, "I suppose ... that we would all prefer our fairy tales to be simple." Yes, Ames. We definitely would.
- With only one Gentleman to be sent home at the Rose Ceremony, and all signs pointing to Blake, it's up to Chris Harrison's pre-Rose-ceremony interview to build the tension. But Chris Harrison doesn't ask you questions in exchange for answers. No, he gives you answers, and damnit, you better agree. The transcript of Chris from the "interview:"
The Mother of All Bachelorettes, Ali Fedotowsky, tweeted on Monday that this episode is "VERY hard to watch and not because of Bentley." We agree. But it's possible we agree for the wrong reasons. Ali was probably not referring to the fact that watching this show makes you feel like a lonely dragon boat racer, recently concussed during a bout of Muay Thai boxing, trying to keep your eye on the patch of water in front of you, because if you allow yourself to look out at the horizon you'd realize, f---, I still have an hour and forty-two minutes to go. No, she was likely referring to the reaction of several of the Gentlemen to Ashley's revelation about her true feelings for Bentley. The palpable anger. The raging passive aggressiveness. The fiery indignation. It was all clearly justified. Because if there is one thing we've learned about relationships, it's that it is OK if a woman has feelings for six other Gentlemen. But seven? Have you no decency, Ashley? Look, this episode was excruciating for everyone. We're all emotional right now. Fortunately, we can offer the always cathartic experience of the GTOG recap.
 |
| Honestly, another guy would just be too much. |
Harrison knows just how to play this. "Don't be scared," he says. "Bentley is here, in Hong Kong..."
Ashley: "SHUT UP!"
Harrison is unfazed by the assault on all of our senses. He continues, "...in this hotel, right now." This sets up a scene with more punctuation metaphors than we've ever seen on the Bachelorette.
Read on for the FULL recap...
- Unlike the last time that Bentley broke up with show, Harrison is determined not to let Ashley walk away with the "dot dot dot." "Push him for details," he urges. Nodding, Ashley says, "I need more than vagueness." It turns out that Bentley did give her more than vagueness, using a tried and true method that men use all the time to avoid conversations they don't want to have: narrating the present. It's a tactic that, when executed properly, can turn the literal into the romantic. Consider Bentley saying, "I flew all the way around the world to see you." Ashley eats this up, not realizing that it is simply a literal description of the activities of the last 24 hours. Were Bentley physically capable of articulating his true thoughts, he could have continued, "...because I don't like you and you need to get over this." Bentley also seeks to infuse awkward silences with confusion, stammering something to the effect of "you know, who knows, you know, come to Salt Lake, you know, who knows." Ashley, of course, is getting choked up.
 |
| "You're crying right now. I'm looking down. Your shirt is pink." |
I think you know where I'm at. And I think you know where I'm coming from. A little bit. I think. You're here for a reason and I think you're here for a purpose and I think. Knowing that I'm home, it's it doesn't look good for me and you. And I would ... implore you to ... do all that you can to see what you have here, I guess.And then, to rip off the band-aid, he finishes, "I feel like where you're at with this whole journey and process, maybe we should call it a period." Does this mean that Ashley's turmoil the past few weeks was just PMS?
- In her post-period voicing-over, Ashley says, "He knows exactly how to talk to a girl to make them believe what he wants them to believe." Does he really? And here we've spent our lives trying to think of things to say, when in reality, all we have to do is state facts? "Honey, I need you to leave the room, I'm about to do a podcast." She breaks out the sexy lingerie. "I can't meet you for drinks this Saturday, I'm going to the Justin Bieber movie with a 39-year-old man." Should be a Valentine's day card. "I really can't stand Jaden Smith." Ticket to second base.
- Lucas gets the first 1-on-1, also known as the perfect time to get up and go to the bathroom. Because nothing is happening, and because even Ashley is bored, she is forced to reach deep into the Bachelorette bag of tricks to pull out.......wait for it........"What's the hardest thing you've ever been through?" BAM! We're sucked back in. It turns out that it was Lucas's divorce, and we actually felt bad for him until we realized later in the episode that he may have a psychotically violent temper (more on that later). Not to be outdone, Lucas initiates a game of Bachelorette Cliche Hold 'Em:
- Lucas: I see your 'what's the hardest thing you've ever been through?' and raise you a 'everything happens for a reason.'
- Ashley: I see your "everything happens for a reason" and raise you a voiceover "There's something about his manlihood that makes me feel protected."
 |
| Snake in the grass. Beware. |
- During Lucas's date, the Gentlemen back at the hotel receive the next date card. Both Ryan and Blake desperately want the 1-on-1 date because you can only convince yourself that you're in love with someone you don't know for so long. At some point, you really need to introduce yourself. After the group date participants are announced, we learn that J.P. gets the following, which only a real Bachelorette fan can understand: "1st 2nd 1-1." Ames, still concussed, appeared to react to the bright lights and motion, but was otherwise unresponsive.
- Sometimes all you need to show someone's true colors is a good dragon boat race, and what an inspired choice for tonight's group date. Dragon boat winner: Ben. If you can't tell Ben and Constantine apart, you aren't paying close enough attention. Ben is best described as "better looking than Constantine but worse looking than Rafael Nadal." Also, Ben is the one with the sense of humor. Dragon boat loser even though he won: the guy that's screaming "PUSH!" at the poor native volunteers. You don't want to be an assistant in Chef Mickey's kitchen. More on him later. How did Ashley feel about the date? "Every time I spend time with them, I get to know them a little bit better."
- At the cocktail-party, Ames executes a flawless TriAmesFecta: two collars, two pockets, and two shoulder flaps. No one has ever gone from "irrelevant at best" to "absolutely our favorite" in a shorter span of time. Kudos to you, Ames.
 |
| Sort of remembers some of his own name. |
 |
| Walls Down. Stock Up. |
 |
| "I believe deeply in harnessing the power of the sun to do good." |
 |
| "It's a privilege to meet your grandparents. Such a wealth of knowledge." |
 |
| "Sure, I'll take you! Delta or Continental?" |
- JP gets the coveted 1-on-1 and is probed by Ashley to find out if his feelings are real. One thing about JP that we know is real is that he looks like a guy who organizes a Run Club every Saturday morning at the local Starbucks. Beyond that, we think JP's feelings are sincere, but we can't know for sure. JP, however, earns Ashley's trust. "I want you to know about the whole journey," she coos, before revealing that she had a hard time with Bentley leaving not because Bentley left but because Bentley left. Likewise, we have been having a hard time not because Ashley is the Bachelorette but because Ashley is the Bachelorette. JP handles the Big Reveal with all the dignity you'd expect from a guy who brings extra odometers to the Run Club in case someone forgets. He gets the rose, makes out with a sizable portion of Ashley's right cheek, and earns coveted status as "The Favorite."
 |
| "6:30 at the Starbucks everyone! Forty percent chance of rain!" |
- A situation like this calls for a Hero, and after the 2019BoBN Gang reveals their true colors, it's down to JP, Ryan, Ben, and Ames to step up. We forget if Ben said anything. JP seeks to defend Ashley in front of everyone, but in return receives only resentment over the fact that he knew the situation the previous night. Ryan, of course, is happy about all of this, if for no other reason than this is a "this," and, therefore, he is happy about it. But the true hero of the night is Ames. While staring 30-degrees to Ashley's right, he smiles and gets out the words, "I suppose ... that we would all prefer our fairy tales to be simple." Yes, Ames. We definitely would.
 |
| One more time, just for kicks. |
- "It's rough out there tonight."
- "It's amazing how quickly things can change."
- [Nodding]
- "You know, it's different for every person. The path is diffrent for every person. For you, there's going to be parts of this that aren't easy."
- "Essentially, from their perspective was I fell in love with Bentley and ... I think they just felt second best tonight."
- "The good news is you've been on the other side. You do fully appreciate what they're going through."
- "You're in a tough spot tonight."
- "Just be Ashley."
Ben and Con get the first two roses, leaving all the drama for the final rose. It's between Ames and Blake. Hey Ames?! Buddy! Over here, look this direction. Ashley is over here! Ashley holds the tension as long as she can, but ultimately caves to the will of GTOG and gives the final rose to Ames. Maybe, hopefully, our fairy tales really can be that simple.
Google Developer Day coming to a city near you in 2011
By Monica Tran, Developer Marketing Team
As Vic Gundotra announced previously, Google Developer Day (GDD) will be coming to eight cities in 2011. Please save the date, as we prepare to bring our world tour of GDDs to a city near you.
- September 16: Sao Paulo, Brazil
- September 19-20: Buenos Aires, Argentina
- October 10: Moscow, Russia
- October 18: Prague, Czech Republic
- November 1: Tokyo, Japan
- November 8: Sydney, Australia
- November 13: Tel-Aviv, Israel
- November 19: Berlin, Germany
In the meantime, get the conversation started with our official Google Developer Day 2011 hashtag, #gdd11.
In the past four years, Monica Tran has been around the world, working as a Product Marketing Manager in Mountain View, London, and Tokyo. After a good run on Google I/O, Monica is back to lead the charge on Google Developer Day, happening in 8 cities worldwide in 2011.
Posted by Scott Knaster, Editor
Swiffy: convert SWF files to HTML5
By Marcel Gordon, Product Manager, Swiffy
Some Google projects really do start from one person hacking around. Last summer, an engineering intern named Pieter Senster joined the mobile advertising team to explore how we could display Flash animations on devices that don’t support Adobe Flash player. Pieter made such great progress that Google hired him full time and formed a team to work on the project. Swiffy was born!
Today we’re making the first version of Swiffy available on Google Labs. You can upload a SWF file, and Swiffy will produce an HTML5 version which will run in modern browsers with a high level of SVG support such as Chrome and Safari. It’s still an early version, so it won’t convert all Flash content, but it already works well on ads and animations. We have some examples of converted SWF files if you want to see it in action.
Swiffy uses a compact JSON representation of the animation, which is rendered using SVG and a bit of HTML5 and CSS3. ActionScript 2.0 is also present in the JSON object, and is interpreted in JavaScript in the browser. This representation makes the Swiffy animations almost as compact as the original SWF files.
Swiffy is a great example of how far the web platform has come. Swiffy animations benefit from the recent advancements in JavaScript execution speed and hardware accelerated 2D graphics in the browser. Viva la Web!
Update Sep. 8, 2011: links updated to reflect Swiffy's move out of Labs.
Marcel Gordon is the Product Manager for Swiffy, doing the make-up and carrying the drinks. On the weekends he dresses up as a pirate and takes his hamster for short walks.
Posted by Scott Knaster, Editor
Incursion - Bazooka APE and Blitzhund II
Last two Incursion SNAFU models for now, (saving the 5 new Sturmzombies for later). Ran out of matt varnish, Zip Kelly was the last models covered from that can, so the Blitzhund in particular is shiny as hell. I also had to paint the Bazooka APE so that it would fit in with the rest of the squad. Having painted the APE's a good while ago the painting style and quality left much to be desired but there had to be continuity because I don't have the energy to repaint all the APE's.
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