Home invasion

A faux tweet noted a casting call for a literally in-house game show titled Wake Up Call.

The premise? "Do you have a roommate or sibling that you live with? Wake them up in the middle of the night to compete in games for cash prizes! If they succeed, they win the money, and if they fail, you get to keep it for yourself."

The call asks for contestants aged 18-25. So it sounds like an MTV-ish effort with twenty-somethings waking up their snoozing housemates for goofball games. To me, it also sounds sort of like GSN's late, unlamented Hidden Agenda.

In that previous home invasion project, spouses would try to get their unsuspecting better halves to perform silly human tricks. For every success, the spouse earned money. At the end of the show, host Debi Gutierrez would let the unsuspecting better half in on the gag.

I really didn't think Hidden Agenda was all that bad, which made me a minority of one. GSN's audience reacted to the show with fear, loathing and near-unanimous revulsion. Hidden Agenda lasted maybe three days on the network (slight exaggeration). You can sample the premiere episode on YouTube and decide on its merits, or lack thereof.

One more note: this post is the blog's 387th and last of 2011. Happy new year, everybody!

Finding Sun

During this time of the year there are few more important questions for sun-starved Northwesteners.  How can one get to sun, either in the car, or in the shortest plane ride possible?  This blog will provide some guidance.

We start with the problem.  The western side of the state is one of the cloudiest places in the country during the winter and the "bowl" of eastern Washington often fills with low clouds.  Plus, we are fairly far north and thus days are short.  Fortunately, a little bit of meteorological knowledge and online access to satellite imagery can help you get to sun on many days with a modest drive even when your home is in the murk.   And sun is nearly always a short (and inexpensive) plane ride away.

Step 1:  Find a good online satellite imagery source

     To find sunshine, you need to view satellite imagery--and particularly visible satellite animations.  There are a number of good sources of such information, but one I recommend is provided by the National Weather Service: http://www.wrh.noaa.gov/satellite/?wfo=sew
There are many others, including my own department web site.  If we are in an unusually sunny situation you will be able to determine that from such imagery.  If sunny, don't proceed any farther and GET OUTSIDE ASAP TO ENJOY IT!

Step 2:  There are clouds in your area and you want to see if there is
some nearby sun.  No problem. 

If there is strong southwesterly flow, then check for a cloud-free zone to the northeast of the Olympics, roughly between Port Angeles to Port Townsend, and yes Sequim.  Sometimes the clearing stretches to Victoria and the southern San Juans.  An example is shown below.  You see this...you know where to go!  In fact, there is an entire web site dedicated to this cloud free zone (http://www.olympicrainshadow.com/)

But there are plenty of times the entire western side of the Cascades is full of clouds.  What do you do?

If the flow is more westerly, then there might be a convergence zone over central Puget Sound.  It is pouring and raining over Seattle--depressing!  But the convergence zone is narrow...a short car drive north and south will get you into sun?  Don't believe me?  Check out the satellite picture from yesterday.  And with westerly flow there is often sinking flow and clearing skies over the eastern slopes of the Cascades--Cle Elum, Wenatchee, Ellensburg, or Yakima could be in bright sun even if the rest of eastern Washington is in the murk (see same image). 

Or during periods when high pressure is overhead and flow is weak, the lowlands of western and eastern Washington are in low clouds, but the mountains are clear (see below).  What do you do?  Head up!  Go for a hike or do some skiing.  Or just drive up there with some suntan lotion.  Here is an example.

Step 3:  The Northwest is completely cloud covered from a major storm.  And you want warm temperatures and sunny skies.  Where do you go if you can't afford to fly to Hawaii or Cancun?  No problem.  Head to the desert southwest of the U.S.  Take a look at the number of hours of sun in December in the graphics below (red is most, dark grey is least).  The U.S. southwest is amazingly sunny mid-winter.  The worst place (us) and best place (SW) are only about 1000 miles apart!  Palm Springs, Tucson, etc. are very safe bets for mid-winter sun...and you can find relatively inexpensive fares (order of $200 RT). 

So the bottom line: using a little meteorological knowledge can go a long away to avoiding Northwest winter blues from lack of sunshine.

Who I Worked with in 2011 (And who you should hire in 2012)

It's been a challenging year for everyone. But you know what they say, a challenge is just an achievement yet to be overcome. Wait, is that a thing people say? Well, they should. In 2011, I've had the great pleasure of working with some of the brightest female talent around.

Tara Street was my chief and mentor for the past seven years.
Kathleen Shannon is my friend and professional inspiration.
(Together, Tara and Kathleen are Braid Creative.)
Liz Radtke's art pretty much defines Do: Pilgrims of the Flying Temple.
Lillian Cohen-Moore edited both Dos.
Tracy Hurley wrote the foreword for Do: The Book of Letters.
Kristin Rakochy generously licensed sketches to Do: Pilgrims of the Flying Temple.
Mori McLamb drew perfect portraits for Belle of the Ball.
Rin Aiello, whose art for Happy Birthday, Robot! got lots of praise this year.
Amy Houser illustrated most of Do: The Book of Letters.
J.R. Blackwell published her first game (and hired me to design the book).
Lyndsay Peters made custom dice bags for Do's Kickstarter.
Kari Fry draws t-shirts I buy. You should buy, too.
Mur Lafferty hired me in 2010, but she should be in all lists anyway. All lists!

Hire them in 2012. A lot.

Good Christian, bad sex

In which I disagree with a godless sex maniac concerning the subject of bad sex. Athol writes:

When you are born and growing up, your sexuality is a blank slate in terms of your beliefs and socialization, but your physical body is designed to enjoy having sex. So your basic default orientation is going to be that sex is a positive and desirable experience. Unless you have some sort of physical fault that makes sex painful or unpleasant, you're going to like having sex. If you're inexperienced at sex, it won't be crazy wonderful good sex, but you will like it and feel good about it.

So if you don't like sex, if you think it's nasty, dirty, disgusting, wrong, bestial, sinful, degrading or frightening, it's because you have be taught to think that way about sex. And to overcome your own body's design to find sex the most enjoyable experience possible for a human, that training either needs to be systematic purposeful education to crush sexuality, or as physical sexual abuse as a child. And with deep regret, I have to say that parts of the church specialize in both.

Speaking as someone who would appear to have a bit more experience in this area than Athol, I can testify that while this makes sense in theory, it simply is not empirically true. There are 30 year-old virgins raised in the Church who turn out to be near nymphomaniacs once they get married and are able to finally unleash a decade of pent-up desire, and there are also atheist women raised entirely without religion in a culture of sex positivity who are more sexually repressed than the average Catholic nun.

In fact, the younger a woman starts having sex, which is negatively correlated with church attendance and the sort of active parental involvement required to have been taught that sex is dirty and degrading, the more likely she is to have some sort of strong sexual inhibitions. Show me a woman who began having sex at twelve or thirteen, and most of the time, I'll show you a woman who has a far more problematic attitude towards sex than most women in cultures that practice female circumcision. The self-loathing slut who derives her sense of self-affirmation through casual sex is fairly likely to turn off on sex altogether once she hops off the carousel into the soft, undemanding security of a marital relationship with a delta or gamma.

No disrespect to Athol here, but if I recall his biography correctly, he genuinely wouldn't have any reason to know what he's talking about here. This is not to say that one can't be taught by others that sex is "nasty, dirty, disgusting, wrong, bestial, sinful, degrading or frightening", only that it is more often the unforgiving school of actual sexual experience that provides such lessons. Also, one's personality plays a significant role in such matters. Those who are self-conscious almost never enjoy sex as much as those who are not, or as those who have the ability to set their self-consciousness aside in intimate situations. Also, as should be readily apparent, instinctively negative people are always worse in bed; "no" is the unsexiest word in the English language, unless one counts "idontlikethat" as a single word.

One reliable indicator of a woman's attitude towards sex is the way she reacts towards having her picture taken. If she hates cameras being aimed at her and can't avoid being uncomfortably self-conscious for thirty seconds with her clothes on, there is a high probability that she will be even more uptight in the bedroom as well. Such women are too self-centered and too self-conscious to understand that sex doesn't entirely revolve around what they happen to like, or as is much more often the case, don't like.

As for the Christian aspect, there is a reason the apostle Paul instructed men and women not to sexually reject their husbands and wives. Such rejection not only poisons the marital relationship, but it also tends to have a negative effect on the person's relationship with God.

"The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

In other words, if you take the Biblical instruction seriously, your attitude towards every aspect of marital sex that your partner desires should be to simply smile, relax, and do it, so long as it does not scare the children and horses or violate the local ordinances. The Devil is a deceiver and if Paul is correct, then you can safely conclude that he wants you to be as uptight, vanilla, and sexually repressed as you can be, as this will have negative marital and spiritual ramifications. And who knows, you might even come to like it in time.

2011 in pictures, thanks, and predictions for 2012

This is a video compilation of 490pictures from the past year, a slice of what's been posted here between January 1st to December 30th 2011, with pictures of all the painted miniatures, commission painting, tutorials, reviews of books/PC games/boardgames, rule guides, games played, conventions, tournaments, terrain building projects and bunch of other stuff.

There is a short story behind the video, as I was putting it together in windows movie maker it refused to "publish" (render) saying I was missing a file. There were 491 pictures in the project, now how was I supposed to find which one was missing - none of the pictures seemed broken either in the timeline or the project folder. I think I sat for 30 minutes, going increasingly nuts over the problem, when I started trying to delete parts of the video and try to render it again. Nothing seemed to work. I did finally for some reason start to suspect either the first picture of my blog banner or the last pictures added - and indeed, for some reason the library had not accepted the blog banner (and yet it was visible and played in testing?). So adding the blog banner to the video library made it all work and rendering was made possible. 
....................

I would also like to thank everyone subscribing to the blog, leaving comments or just checking out the content. It is crazy that it has been 21 months already since I started it. I did not really have any idea one way or the other how the blog would turn out, if I would be able to provide content on a steady basis, if anyone would read it etc. I admit that I do work my ass off to make the blog what it is, and it has become quite an integral part of my life. The work I put into this blog does pay off  - directly through the enthusiasm and interest of anyone who reads and comments either directly on the blog or on any of the forums where I'm registered and post some of my stuff - which in turn encourages me to create new material for the blog. And indirectly, as the size of the blog grows and the amount of readers increase I have been able to catch the interest of some manufacturers and sponsors and get a few things that I myself have been interested in but perhaps did not have the cash for (eternal curse of being a student and having to spend most of your money on ridiculous amounts of school literature here in Sweden).

Stuff that means the most to me however are things that happen on their own, like the email I got earlier this year from a reader who had abandoned wargaming but found inspiration to start anew, Battlefront reading my fan-made FoW campaign and not only posting a link on their site to my blog so that others could find and download the campaign for a good two weeks but also sending me the fantastic Polish train (which in all honesty I would never be able to afford in my current state) - and yesterday while we were playing boardgames down at the club a fellow gamer and blog reader came down and donated two incredibly cool books in Polish on the Polish armored train "Smialy" (Bold) - the exact same train that I have been painting up my Polish armored train from Battlefront as! And also another book with great amount of information on the Warsaw uprising of 1944. You can bet on both books being given a review next week. Thanks again for the books Axel!

................

Some predictions for 2012, which looks like a good year for wargaming. West Wind will release their delayed gothic horror "Empire of the dead" ruleset which should allow anyone with gothic horror miniatures to find yet another purpose for their models, Battlefront releasing version 3.0 of their rules and also giving away a free pocket version of the rules to anyone with an old rulebook (my hope is that the assault rules section have been cleaned up). Warlord Games keeps making new early war stuff for 28mm, I myself really look forward to the release of the Polish 7TP tank in 1:56. The rules for "By fire and sword" will be released in English in May. Forged in Battle have a bunch of early war releases in line for the Polish range which I really look forward to boosting my Polish army with, both cavalry and the 10th motorized cavalry company.

People at the club have (finally) picked up interest for "Strange Aeons" and just recently for "By fire and sword" so I hope to see an increase of Strange Aeons games played and really look forward to starting to play By fire and sword. There also seem to be a few lurking Secrets of the third Reich players in the area, and perhaps a more story oriented take on the game will rejuvenate things at the club.

Also hope to play more FoW: Early war scenarios from my September campaign book with my buddy Thomas and hopefully more Early War tournaments during the year hosted by Patrik who already talked about the next tournament during the previous one.


I have started planning for a smaller sized add-on for the campaign book and writing down ideas for both operations and standalone battles left out in the main campaign book. It is all just a matter of finding a large enough window from my school work to really focus on the project and get it done in one chunk.

There are also some uncertainties this year, I take my bachelors degree in criminology towards the summer, with some luck I will get a real job as well soon after. I'll have to start scouting my options in the local area in the spring. Whatever happens, the blog will still continue to exist, but for natural reasons the rate of posts would have to decrease at that point. I'm being quite realistic about the prospect of not having the seemingly large amount of spare time by then, so I will try to complete as many projects as possible before the summer. So with my Gladiator project almost complete, focus should be on completing my Polish FoW army and start and complete a Polish-Lithuanian army for "By fire and sword".


And Happy New Year!

Ratings 101

I've started a thread on the GSN General board about non-GSN ratings. Some feedback from other posters and a few comments of my own...

Other poster: These [syndicated game show] ratings are steady compared to GSN. Back in the summer, you would have Lingo (8pm) have 450,000 viewers one day and 250K another day. Big difference.

All sorts of things here.

First, the syndie ratings are weekly averages across all showings on the five weekdays. Nielsen's sample is much more consistent when you average together a lot of days instead of looking at day-to-day fluctuations. Lingo does not vary in its weekly average from 450K to 250K. In its current midnight slot, for instance, the show's weekly averages have been consistent in approximately the 200K-250K range.

Second, GSN is out in the long tail of smaller networks, unlike the broadcast outlets that carry the syndies. This is where Nielsen's sample can get skittish from day to day, and where set top box data might be a useful supplement. Nielsen is using some STB data on an experimental basis. And Rentrak has emerged as the first plausible competitor to Nielsen in a long time by using STB data for local market measurement. STB data is no panacea, though. There are serious issues with its reliability, representative quality, and lack of demo information.

Other poster: I'm not Casey, but there has been some TPIR Ratings news...

Hey, you can be grateful you're not me! Anyway, The Price is Right ratings are hard to come by on the free Internet. Once in a while TV by the Numbers will print these ABC press releases that give a few TPiR numbers. And Soap Opera Network sometimes publishes pretty complete information for all daytime shows including TPiR and Let's Make a Deal. Like this.

Thanks for today's TVBTN link. I've now posted it in the sidebar on the blog for broadcast and cable game show ratings.

Rusty chains

Just watched Chain Reaction in one of its last appearances on GSN. I still think it's a good show that deserved a couple more seasons on our little game show network.

The original version of Chain Reaction was a very short-lived NBC run with Bill Cullen in 1980. As is often the case with old game shows, some of that version has made its way to YouTube. I watched this episode to see how much things changed over the years.

The answer? Not...much...really, as the chain might say. I did notice that the chains were a little more loosely connected than on GSN's version, but the basic formats of both the front game and the bonus round were pretty similar. Oh, celebs made up two-thirds of the teams on NBC, thanks to a larger production budget.

Speaking of the production budget, the linked episode features a notable reversal by the judges after one of the bonus rounds. The team got buzzed on the questions leading to "Zsa Zsa" as the answer. But the judges reconsidered afterwards and awarded the civvie the full $10,000 prize. That's twenty-six grand in today's watered-down currency, which is a lot more than poor old GSN could afford. Those were the luxuries of a broadcast network before cable got big.

Another version of Chain Reaction ran from 1986 to 1991 on USA Network, and you can watch some of those eps on YouTube, too. YouTube is Boot Hill for defunct game shows.

Unusually Hot or Not? The Women of GTOG Rank 33 NFL Quartebacks

By Mrs. Artistry and Artistry's mom

"NFL quarterbacks are hot," Mrs. Artistry observed, as her husband flipped between football games on a recent Sunday.  "Unusually hot."

"I don't think so," her husband replied.  "Not a deep field."

And thus another of GTOG's Truly Great Ideas was born. Here, for the first time, Mrs. Artistry and Artistry's Mom join forces to rank 33 NFL quarterbacks based on whom in some alternate universe they'd like to kiss on New Year's Eve.  [Disclaimer: These rankings are the Women of GTOG's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of GTOG or its sponsors.  It is recommended that you seek independent advice before making any QB hotness ranking decisions.]

1.  Tom Brady, New England Patriots

"I own your team, your wife, and your mom."

Mrs. Artistry:  "Looks like he thinks he's hot, but unfortunately, he is hot."

Artistry's Mom:  "Hot."

Artistry:  "Whatever."

Finesse:  "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!"

2.  Mark Sanchez, New York Jets

"Look into my eyes while I throw this interception."

Mrs. Artistry:  "Hot."

Artistry's Mom:  "Oh yeah."

Artistry:  "Excuse me while I pour a bucket of cold water on my whole family."

Finesse:  "Hell of a tan for what looks like a cloudy day."

3.  Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers

Was 4th before Brett Favre retired.

Mrs. Artistry:  "He's kinda cute. Friendly."

Artistry's Mom:  "Nice smile."

Artistry:  "Great bangs."

Finesse:  "He's in an abusive relationship with William Gay."

4.  Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears

Only Jay Cutler smile on record

Mrs. Artistry:  "Nice teeth."

Artistry's Mom:  "Nice smile. Cute."

Artistry:  "Huge advantage to Cutler here because this picture doesn't show his frat boy haircut or his infamous pout/scowl.  In terms of ranking QB hotness, this is what I would refer to as a false positive."

Finesse:  "Looks like he has too many bottom teeth."

5.  Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers

His dad asked for $120K just to let Cam be on this list.

Mrs. Artistry:  "Cute, but big chin."

Artistry's Mom:  "Ooooh."

Artistry:  "From the center of an NCAA scandal to #5 on Women of GTOG's QB hotness list. A meteoric rise."

Finesse:  "Can we get that sound your mom made on tape?"

Numbers 6-33, plus lessons learned on NFL QB attractiveness, or lack thereof, after the jump...

6.  Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos

Tebow, 3 for 16

Mrs. Artistry:  "That's a hot Christian."

Artistry's Mom:  "Is this Mike Tebow? He's cute."

Artistry:  "Drew Brees got beat by a good running back."

Finesse: "Mike Tebow is like the fourth Staal brother everyone keeps talking about."

7.  Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints

 Home Child Advantage

Mrs. Artistry:  "I like that this guy's a family man.  It makes him look cute."

Artistry's Mom:  "He's cute with the baby."

Artistry:  "He just looks so effortless out there."

Finesse:  "Total manipulation by me with the picture choice. Proud of myself."

8.  Michael Vick, Philadelphia Eagles

Must Love Dogs

Mrs. Artistry:  "Handsome."  [Hours pass.]  "You need to move Mike Vick down because of the dog."

Artistry's Mom:  "Is that Michael Vick with his dog? He's a good looking kid."

Artistry:  [Not saying anything.]

Finesse:  "This is what Martin Vangar was doing with Mikael Blomkvist in his basement."

9.  Christian Ponder, Minnesota Vikings

Eh.

Mrs. Artistry:  "Cute."

Artistry's Mom:  "I can't see him. Can you make the screen darker?"

Artistry:  "Taken too high both here and in the draft."

Finesse: "Make the screen darker, Artistry."

10.  Eli Manning, New York Giants

Looks worse in the wind

Mrs. Artistry:  "Oh, I love Eli Manning."

Artistry's Mom:  "He's not really very good looking. Very clean cut, but not hot."

Artistry:  "This is our first big dispute."

Finesse:  "Clip on?"

11.  Matt Moore, Miami Dolphins

"I'm genuinely just happy to be here."

Mrs. Artistry:  "He has potential but needs to take a shower."

Artistry's Mom:  "I don't like him."

Artistry:  "I'm fairly certain he just took a shower."

Finesse:  "Will not be on 2012 list."

12.  Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys

He would be at a Cosmo party.

Mrs. Artistry:  "Marriage material."

Artistry's Mom:  "I don't like Tony Romo. Look at his beady little eyes."

Artistry: "Mrs. Artistry, meet me in counseling."

Finesse:  "Greatest achievement is not getting Jessica Simpson pregnant."

13.  Carson Palmer, Oakland Raiders

Would get down on a knee to propose, but he only has one left.

Mrs. Artistry:  "He kind of looks like Carson Daly.  Not too bad."

Artistry's Mom:  "Nice looking."

Artistry:  "The Women of GTOG join the Raiders as the only entities willing to trade two #1 draft choices for Carson Palmer."

Finesse:  "Old face."


14.  Colt McCoy, Cleveland Browns

Only more fitting name for Texas QB would have been Deputy Gunner.

Mrs. Artistry:  "Average."

Artistry's Mom:  "He looks cute."

Artistry:  "He looks 12."

Finesse:  "Tebow minus 25 pounds minus John 3:16 = Colt McCoy."

[Bonus selection]  Colt McCoy's college girlfriend, University of Texas

Here for the right reasons.

Mrs. Artistry:  "Who is she?"

Artistry's Mom:  "I don't understand."

Artistry:  [Not saying anything.]

Finesse:  "We understand."

15.  Alex Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Mrs. Artistry:  "Kinda cute."

Artistry's Mom:  [Eyes glazing over.]

Artistry:  "Alex Smith is what I like to call a game manager."

Finesse:  "Small hands."

16.  Ryan Fitzpatrick, Buffalo Bills

Growing the non-playoff beard

Mrs. Artistry:  "It looks like something weird happened to his face."

Artistry's Mom:  "No good, although he might be all right without the beard."

Mrs. Artistry:  "It looks like he was in a car accident or something."

Artistry:  "He aced the Wonderlic test."

Finesse:  "Car accident? What kind of car accident?"

17.  Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens

"Thanks for getting my best side."

Mrs. Artistry:  "Below average."

Artistry's Mom:  "He might be all right. He has kind of a Cro Magnon brow."

Artistry:  [Nodding.]

Finesse:  "Troy Polamalu is going to pick that ball up."

18.  Matt Cassel, Kansas City Chiefs

"I have one more season before people realize how bad I am."

Mrs. Artistry:  "Big chin, but OK."

Artistry's Mom:  "I don't like his looks."

Artistry:  "At least with Kyle Orton backing him up, there is no QB hotness controversy in Kansas City."

Finesse:  "Why the long face?"

19.  Matt Hasselback, Tennessee Titans

Eyes still puffy from Super Bowl XL

Mrs. Artistry:  "The forehead hurts him."

Artistry's Mom:  "And I definitely don't like his looks."  [Upon further review:  "He's not that bad."]

Artistry:  "He's bald.  He's got veteran moxie."

Finesse:  "Forehead-Scalp border war reminiscent of the Golan Heights."

20.  Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions

Fantasy QB

Mrs. Artistry:  "I'm not sure it's legal to comment."

Artistry's Mom:  "He looks like he could be OK. I can't see him."

Artistry:  "He's my fantasy quarterback. No, literally, I had him on like every team."

Finesse:  "Maybe your mom should get glasses."

21.  Josh Freeman, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

So nondescript 

Mrs. Artistry:  "He'd be cuter if he lost weight."

Artistry's Mom:  "No."

Artistry:  "Having a down season all the way around."

Finesse:  "Roethlisbergerian dome."

22.  Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons

Mrs. Artistry:  "Thumbs are not up."

Artistry's Mom:  "That's sorta nerdy."

Artistry:  "Matty Ice getting the cold shoulder."

Finesse: "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!?"

23.  Sam Bradford, St. Louis Rams 

 "On my way to Torts."

Mrs. Artistry:  "He looks like someone I knew in law school."

Artistry's Mom:  "No."

Artistry:  "Graduate of the Scott Burnside School of Taking Pictures in Unflattering Places."

Finesse:  "Burnside and Lebrun actually filming in that garage behind the fence."


24.  Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts

Cut that meat!

Mrs. Artistry:  "This just proves Eli is the better Manning."

Artistry's Mom:  "Clean cut, but nerdy."

Artistry:  "I see a big comeback for Peyton next year, as he grows his hair out, takes the field with a slimmed down neck, and leads the Washington Redskins back to glory."

Finesse:  "Just scrolled up to re-look at Colt McCoy's girlfriend.  Feel much better."

25.  Kevin Kolb, Arizona Cardinals

1st team All-Neck-Fat

Mrs. Artistry:  "Not good looking."

Artistry's Mom:  "No."

Artistry:  "He looks like a dickish golf pro."

Finesse:  "Might be a dickish golf pro within 3 years."


26.  Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers

"Sorry, fantasy owners."

Mrs. Artistry:  "Nah."

Artistry's Mom:  "I don't like this guy."

Artistry:  "I don't like this guy either."

Finesse:  "Saw Tony Romo's kissy face, and raised him two puckered lips."

27.  Rex Grossman, Washington Redskins

The Joey Chestnut to Kevin Kolb's Kobayashi

Mrs. Artistry:  "He looks like your friend's nice brother."

Artistry's Mom:  "No."

Artistry:  "Do you get the sense my mom is mailing it in at this point?"

Finesse:  "Yes."

28.  Seneca Wallace, Cleveland Browns

"Am I even in the NFL?"

Mrs. Artistry:  "Looks cuddly. I'd make out with him."

Artistry's Mom:  "No. I don't like that mustache thing he has going on."

Artistry:  "First of all, what is Seneca Wallace doing here?  Second, he does look cuddly."

Finesse:  "If Mrs. Artistry would make out with #28 on this list, what does that mean for #1 thru #27?"


29.  Matt Schaub, Houston Texans

#30 - #33 are going to have a lot to think about.

Mrs. Artistry:  "Close to the bottom for me."

Artistry's Mom:  "I don't like him."

Artistry:  "Looks like he just woke up from an afternoon nap at his desk."

Finesse:  [CENSORED]


30.  Blaine Gabbert, Jacksonville Jaguars

Appropriately named after a woman.

Mrs. Artistry:  [Laughing.]

Artistry's Mom:  "The mullet has to go on the bottom."

Artistry:  "Another QB victimized by a bad picture.  Blaine gets a raw deal here."

Finesse:  "What someone named Colt McCoy should have looked like."

31.  Andy Dalton, Cincinnati Bengals

Rough draw with the black and orange unis.

Mrs. Artistry:  "He's not so cute."

Artistry's Mom:  "Not a fave."

Artistry:  "If Andy Dalton grew a red mustache, his would take its rightful place on the Mt. Rushmore of Bengals QB mustaches, alongside Kenny Anderson's and Boomer Esiason's.  Not sure what he is waiting for."

Finesse:  "Aren't we just piling on Mike McQueary at this point? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IN THE SAME SITUATION! YOU DON'T KNOW!!!"

32.  Curtis Painter, Indianapolis Colts

Hillary Clinton?

Mrs. Artistry:  "Oh God."

Artistry's Mom:  "Oh. What kind of ridiculous haircut is that?"

Artistry:  "Curtis Painter can also be seen starring in Season 2 of Game of Thrones."

Finesse:  "Not having Curtis Painter last destroys the credibility of this list.  I no longer put any stock in these rankings."

33.  Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers

Leader of Men

Mrs. Artistry:  "Gross."

Artistry's Mom:  "Ben needs to be exiled."

Artistry:  "So what are you saying? Don't hold back. What's the word on the street?"

Finesse:  "Band of Brothers."

Mrs. Artistry's Conclusions

I am very lucky to be married to Artistry.  He slots just below Mark Sanchez and above Aaron Rodgers.  That's not bad.  Despite a steep drop in quality after the Top 10, I still maintain that NFL quarterbacks are unusually hot, because Tom Brady is so hot that he single-handedly elevates the quarterback hotness average above the curve set by the rest of mankind.  That is all.  Thank you.

The future will be hot

It is said that the future belongs to those who show up for it. In light of that, I find it interesting to note that it isn't mere financial success that causes women to lose interest in breeding, but some combination of education and office work. And as far as the common "intimidation" theme goes, are we really supposed to believe that the average woman with a degree in communication and a job that involves a good deal of paperwork and Powerpoint is more intimidating than millionaire international supermodels?

But if one looks at the world's most elite young women, it is remarkable how many of them have married and have children at a relatively young age.

Kings of Leon frontman Caleb Followill and his model wife Lily Aldridge are expecting their first child together. 'We are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together,' the pair confirmed in a statement to America's People magazine. 'We can’t wait to meet the new addition to our family.'

Lingerie model Lily, 26, is thought to be three months pregnant.

It's not as if she's the only one. Pretty much all the younger generation of top models are all under thirty and either married or getting married. Marissa Miller, Adriana Lima, Brooklyn Decker, Miranda Kerr, and Alessandra Ambrosio are all demonstrating that there is a more satisfactory path than the conventional college, office, settle-after-thirty, one-child, struggle-with-debt plan that most parents recommend to their children.

And to those who point out that these young women are all very wealthy, I would merely point out that they can do anything they want... and what they want to do is not get a PhD or become an astronaut, but get married and have children. They're clearly not "putting their careers first", in fact, they're quite often putting their careers on hold in order to have their children.

No longer content with just impressing the world with their lithe, post-baby bodies, one Victoria's Secret model has upped the stakes on her fellow Angel mothers Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Adriana Lima; Alessandra Ambrósio was pregnant when she modelled in last month's runway show.

Even if the movie Idiocracy was correct and sub-normal are significantly outbreeding the intelligent and educated, at least we have the comfort of knowing that the supermodel genes will be passed on to future generations. Homo sapiens posterus may not be smart, but he'll be darned good-looking. And that might even be to his benefit, since he won't be able to think up a society anywhere nearly as self-destructive as the one the intellectuals of the West have produced over the last sixty years.

Gladiator: Two-handed axeman

Not a gladiator class, but rather a gladiator armed with a rarely used weapon. I figure I would base this guy’s stats on the Myrmillo since he has a fish on his helmet. The tradeoff from swinging the huge weapon is receiving -1 to all combat resolutions, but once you score a hit the weapon is the gladiator strength +4 which is pretty awesome, Makes short work of even the heaviest armor.

As I was painting this model I also started thinking of "fatigue" which is not represented in the game - but perhaps it could be written in somehow to affect both Disciplina and movement rate.