Female bullies and how to deal with them

Athol explains the difference between reasonable anger and relationship bullying:

I'm talking about anger as a routine thing, not an occasional response to an obvious inappropriate event. Her being angry after you attempt to drive into the garage without opening the garage door first, would be a perfectly fine use of anger. Getting yelled at four or more times a week for minor and trivial infractions means she's just being a bully.

Note that you don't have to actually "win the fight" in the moment, to actually pass this sort of testing. You just have to continue doing the behavior you want to do, in the face of her anger and/or fail to perform the task she is demanding of you.

There is nothing wrong with women being angry from time to time. Some situations justify it, even demand it. But women often make use of habitual anger as a relationship management tool, and if permitted to burn uncontrolled, that sort of anger can destroy any relationship, be it marital, romantic, familial, friendly, or even maternal. The combination of the harpy wife whose kids can't stand her and the helpless husband who meekly bears the weight of her scorn and anger is all too common. What Athol recommends is an effective anger management tactic and over time will usually reduce the amount of attempted bullying. However, it doesn't necessarily communicate the unacceptable nature of the behavior to the bully, nor is it necessarily applicable in a social situation.

Compounding the problem is that most women are tone deaf. They will shriek like banshees while denying they have even raised their voices, then accuse a man who slightly raises his tone of yelling at them. This scenario is all too common between the sexes.

Man: Why are you talking like that?
Woman: (in angry, nasty voice) Talking like what?
Man: Like THAT!
Woman: STOP YELLING AT ME! YOU ALWAYS BLAH BLAH BLAH....

But if women are deaf to tone, they are oversensitive to language. Men tend to be the opposite; we are sensitive to tone and indifferent to language. So one thing I find works with almost all women is to respond to unacceptable tone with even less acceptable language. Use vulgarity to control tone. This tends to be most effective if you call them out in a polite and even tone and your customary language is not very salty. In such scenarios, the same conversation usually plays out more like this:

Man: Will you please speak in a civil fucking manner?
Woman: (in high-pitched, slightly alarmed voice) Why are you swearing at me?
Man: Because you sound like a rotting cunt.
Woman: All right, all right. Just stop it!

This serves three purposes. First, it changes the frame and sends a clear message that you're not going to accept being addressed in such a bitchy, disrespectful manner and you don't give a damn who knows it. Second, it rings her social alarm bells; if she's being called out in front of other people, her eyes will widen and she'll instinctively look around to see if anyone is noticing her.* Both men and women who are aware that you don't ordinarily speak in such a manner will immediately understand that you have been provoked into it by her behavior; her panicked response stems primarily from the awareness that your behavior is reflecting poorly on her. Third, it teaches her that escalation will be met by escalation. She can choose war or she can choose peace, but aggression will not be rewarded with submission.

Women are perfectly capable of controlling themselves. There is absolutely nothing that prevents them from simply having a quiet word with you in the corner rather than attempting to communicate her displeasure to you and everyone else in the room with her tone of voice.

Because women are taught that gentlemen will mind their language around them - even if she herself swears like a sailor - they tend to perceive vulgarity directed at them by men as being vaguely menacing. It very clearly communicates that they have crossed a line that is not to be crossed. Remember, even verbal communication sends non-verbal signals and non-verbal communication is often more effective when appealing to the less logical parts of the brain.

Using vulgarity to control tone is particularly useful if children are around. And being exposed to a few old Anglo-Saxon expressions from time to time isn't going to harm them any, certainly not as much as being exposed on a daily basis to the behavior of a female bully who is attempting to use nastiness and volume to get her way. And that doesn't even include the socio-sexual damage it does them to see a man cowering before a woman.

*For some reason, many women seem to believe that no one ever notices when they are being nasty bitches, but that everyone notices when it is pointed out that they are being nasty bitches.