Katherine Heigl may be with Spawn

There are rumors that Katherine Heigl may be pregnant. Seth Rogen is unfortunately not involved, so there will be no laughs (or humility, let's be honest), but somehow she will come up with a way to slam someone a few months down the line because of this. I mean, I am just waiting for her to make a sanctimonious statement about her pregnancy in the same way she has made snide remarks about so many other things and people. Part of me thinks this song was prerecorded just for this occasion, because she is just so smug already, and I don't think we are fully ready for the hell on earth a doubly smug, hormonally charged Katherine Heigl is capable of unleashing.

And you know this baby will be smug too... the only way it could be more smug is if somehow it was secretly fathered by Kanye West. And for those of you who are taking offense to me ripping on a celebrity's hypothetical baby, imagine the lessons such a child would learn from its mother... that baby is going to become the next Paris Hilton or her male equivalent... a kid who feels entitled to everything and expects deference when they haven't earned it.

I mean, Katherine Heigl acts like she is as accomplished as Meryl Streep or something. And when you think about it, even Meryl Streep doesn't act like that, and she's earned that. You don't think Katherine Heigl's hypothetical baby would be a diva, and one we will likely have to hear about for decades.

We're doomed... we are all doomed. Maybe by the time this comes to a head, reality tv will finally have the balls to have a celebrity child version of Battle Royale. OK, I admit that one was a little mean.

P.S. Feel lucky I didn't make a Knocked Up pun in this entry.

Tags: katherine heigl, meryl streep, kanye west, paris hilton, smug, seth rogen, knocked up, stuck up, battle royale, reality tv