Pick of the litter

Sometimes you discuss something as parents for years and years but never act on it. Well, today, that's all changing for us. We woke up this morning and said "why not?" The answer is likely to be "the price" but here goes.

We made a mistake and have one too many children. It seemed like a good idea at the time but after the fact, the marginal cost exceeded the marginal benefit. There just isn't the room. 

Now, of course, that does not mean we have to get rid of the marginal child -- all three are surely in the mix for a decision reversal. And, of course, it does not mean we will engage in free disposal. What we are thinking is not that way out of societal norms. No, we just want to transact with a new family for whom the marginal benefit of one other child currently exceeds marginal cost. Straight up, gains from trade.

So what have we got on offer for you today:

• One 11 year old girl, extremely tall, and with a good set of adult teeth. This week in poor condition due to a virus but we are happy to provide a warranty on a full recovery upon delivery. Does her homework, can cook and can, if given mild rewards, take care of younger children. Is also independent and cares not for expensive clothes. Really, a low maintenance option. Will suit those wanting great 'on paper' achievements but otherwise not wanting to show off the child too often in public as she can be a little surly.

• One 9 year old boy with a disarming smile. Big advantage: can take care of your household's IT support needs. This is an opportunity not to be missed. Comes with his own mess but with an infinite capacity to cover your fridge with art-work. Will suit those parents wanting tangible displays of achievements. Avoid if like to cheer winners at sporting events.

• One 5 year old girl with dimples fully installed. A renovators delight in a package with potential. Fully trained and naturally neat. Enjoys tormenting older children and has a clear sense of property rights. Requires some work if your desire is perfect compliance. But for the parents who want to display a cute and feisty child, this one's for you.

We are accepting offers on all three and will make our choice by 12 noon today (April 1). Reservation prices undisclosed.