Charlie Sheen Must Be Planning Something

OK, Charlie Sheen has to be trying to get fired or end Two and a Half Men at this point. That is the only thing that I can think of that will explain his continued outbursts and rants.

I know celebrities get weird ideas in their head, but you know, if someone was paying me almost 2 million dollars an episode (not to mention a huge chunk of residual money), I think I would keep my mouth shut until after that was over.

Maybe I am weird like that... you know, enjoying getting paid. Because they can do the show without him. They did Valerie after Valerie Harper left, so for a little more money, they will find a way to do 20 more episodes next year without Sheen (and given the ratings, maybe more).

And Charlie Sheen has the balls, the huge swinging brass balls to ask for even more money after he was slinging insults at Lorre and the rest of the crew? Yeah, that's not happening.

If it was any other job and you did what Charlie Sheen has done, you'd be fired. Pro athletes are looking at what Sheen has done and wincing. Think about what would happen if you called your employer a "contaminated little maggot". You'd be out on your ass.

The hint any celebrity should take that they really are going too far is when your publicist wants to distance themselves from you.

I mean, in a fight between himself and Chuck Lorre, Sheen is going to lose. Lorre has made the studios a lot of money working with troubled talent, and after those series were done, the troubled person ended up being much less prominent than they were when they were working with him.

Think about it. He created Grace Under Fire with Brett Butler when she was going through her difficulties (which included reportedly flashing her 12-year old son on the show)... and aside from a few guest spots on My Name Is Earl, she largely fell off the map. Admittedly, due to clashes with Butler, Lorre did lose some of his power early on in the life of the series, but he was still making cash as the creator of the show.

Then there was Cybill, with the titular Cybill Shepherd. On Moonlighting, a producer made an ultimatum that it was him or her, and he ended up leaving the show, and that show was infamous for having a lot of back stage drama. Chuck Lorre survived that.

He created Dharma and Greg, which featured Jenna Elfman, noted and vocal Scientologist. He emerged from that unscathed.

But I think what says it all is he worked on Roseanne, and much like New York, if you can make it there, even for a short period of time, you can make it anywhere.

Charlie may still have supporters, but you know what, OJ Simpson does too... it doesn't make either of them right.

Seriously, I am actually starting to side with Denise Richards here and I hate her... I mean, just hate her.

Ray Shero Speaks

Mentoring organization applications now being accepted for Google Summer of Code!

(Cross-posted from the Google Open Source Blog.)

Interested in finding bright, enthusiastic new contributors to your open source project? Apply to be a mentoring organization in our Google Summer of Code program. We are now accepting applications from open source projects interested in acting as mentoring organizations.

Now in its 7th year, Google Summer of Code is a program designed to pair university students from around the world with mentors at open source projects in such varied fields as academia, language translations, content management systems, games, and operating systems. Since 2005, over 4,500 students from 85 countries have completed the Google Summer of Code program with the support of over 300 mentoring organizations. Students earn a stipend for their work during the program, allowing students to gain exposure to real-world software development and an opportunity for employment in areas related to their academic pursuits, thus “flipping bits, not burgers” during their school break. In return, mentoring organizations have the opportunity to identify and attract new developers to their projects and these students often continue their work with the organizations after Google Summer of Code concludes.

This year we’re excited to expand the scope of the program by encouraging experienced Google Summer of Code mentoring organizations to refer newer, smaller organizations they think could benefit from the program to apply to be mentoring organizations.

The deadline for applying to be a mentoring organization for Google Summer of Code is Friday, March 11th at 23:00 UTC (3pm PST). The list of accepted organizations will be posted on the Google Summer of Code site on Friday, March 18th. Students will then have 10 days to reach out to the accepted organizations and discuss their ideas before we begin accepting student applications on March 28th.

Please visit our Frequently Asked Questions page for more details. You can also check out the Mentor Manual and timeline for additional information. Good luck to all of our mentoring organization applicants!

By Stephanie Taylor, Open Source Team

Monday AM

The most extensive precip is south of the city, but some strong bands to the north. Light snow last hour at Sea Tac in the southern band, and Port Angeles and Friday Harbor in the northern features. Too warm for snow at sea level--Sea Tac is at 452 feet. In heavy precip, the snow level can descend to the surface. Hard to get snow to the surface in strong onshore flow...even cold flow like this..unless you have sufficiently intense precipitation.

The mountains are just getting pummeled.

GTOG NHL Trade Deadline Liveblog

By GTOG Staff

With the trade deadline looming, the Twitter-verse tells us this morning that prices are sky-high even for depth players. Ray Shero clearly had an accurate read of the situation when he pulled the trigger early, sending Alex Goligoski and a 7th round draft choice out the door in exchange for James Neal, Alexei Kovalev, and Matt Niskanen. That's some deal-making right there. Expect Shero to sit back and watch prices drop as 3 p.m. approaches. If nothing happens, so be it. GTOG will be updating this post all day long.

Job: Wishes He Had Ray Shero's Patience

Artistry, 3:50 PM - Shero just spoke. Three notable comments: 1) He sees Dustin Jeffrey sticking with the team the rest of the year. Cue the "Sid is done" speculation; 2) He was asked if Washington being active made him waver after he decided to sit tight. His answer: "No."; 3) He volunteered that Eric Tangradi was never offered in a trade, going out of his way to stamp out speculation making the rounds earlier in the day.

Artistry, 3:38 PM - Now the reports are Arnott for Steckel and a 2nd rounder. Makes a lot more sense. I'm not sure I would have given up a 2nd rounder alone for Arnott.

Artistry, 3:23 PM - Higgins to Vancouver. What a house cleaning by Florida. Too bad they won't get any free agents to sign there. Looks like Caps may have paid nothing more for Arnott. Get ready for everybody to crown GMGM as the deadline winner. But he is who we think he is. If you want to crown his ass, crown it.

Artistry, 3:17 PM - Continuing to scratch our heads over Arnott reports; figure there has to be something more than Steckel involved. Word of other deals trickling in: Lapierre from Ducks to Canucks; 47-year-old Fred Modin from Atlanta to Calgary.

Artistry, 3:09 PM - Early word is Caps acquire Arnott for David Steckel. Finesse now starting the process of convincing himself Arnott sucks. We know David Steckel sucks.

Artistry, 3:00 PM - Crickets.

Artistry, 2:47 PM - Bryan Allen for Sergei Samsanov, confirmed. Rossi reports that Shero is holding a presser at 3:30 PM, indicating Pens may be done. Two possibilities here: 1) deal he was working fell through; 2) he wants the GM he's dealing with to think he's walking away from the deal. We'll see.

Artistry, 2:29 PM - TSN reporting Penner to the Kings for some prospect and a pick. Rossi continues to pound the drum about the Pens trying to make a move. Possibly for Arnott. GTOG has mixed feelings about this. Maybe a 3rd and Dustin Jeffrey gets it done. Finesse speculates that Shero is looking to acquire someone no other GM even realizes is available.

Artistry, 2:13 PM - Rob Rossi reporting Penguins may be on the verge of something big. Where did that come from? GTOG refuses to get too high or too low. Brad Winchester from St. Louis to Anaheim for 3rd rounder.

Artistry, 2:02 PM - Things finally starting to pick up again. Chris Campoli dealt by Ottawa to Chicago. Stan Bowman already negotiating a 7 yr., $82 million deal with Campoli. Marty Reasoner to Vancouver. Florida clearly angling for the top pick in the draft.

Finesse, 1:46 PM - Don't fret if Shero gives up a prospect for Arnott.  Ray knows when to sell high.  See: Esposito, Angelo; Welch, Noah

Artistry, 1:03 PM - Klesla was taken 4th overall in 2000. Rob Rossi just tweeted that Pens may be up to something. Dave Molinari just heard there is a thing called Twitter.

Artistry, 12:59 PM - Columbus sends Rotislav Klesla to Phoenix for Upshall and Sami Lepisto. Remember Klesla was a very high draft pick some years ago and got buried in Columbus.

Artistry, 12:30 PM - Caps GM George McPhee seen leaning against wall of elevator, on cell phone, sweating. Ray Shero seen meditating, getting pedicure.

Finesse, 12:16 PM - Caps get Wideman so they can move Mike Green?  I'm telling you, this is happening!!!

Artistry, 11:49 AM - Caps acquire Dennis Wideman from Florida for a #3 pick and a prospect. Wouldn't have pegged them for needing an offensive defenseman, but OK. Way to go.

Finesse, 11:30 AM - David Pagnotta on Twitter reports that Habs aren't trading Gomez.  In related news, U.S. is reporting that there is minimal interest from other countries in our spent nuclear fuel.

Artistry, 11:18 AM - Islanders trade that maniac Zenopka to the Ducks for a 2nd round pick. Isles decided they didn't need 7 criminals on the roster and can make do with 6. Good riddance. Now hearing this isn't final.

Artistry, 10:40 AM - Atlanta trades Bergfors and Rissmiller to Florida for Dvorak. I don't know Rissmiller, but sounds like vast overpayment by Atlanta. Dvorak was a decent player like 10 years ago.

Artistry, 10:38 AM - Atlanta just extended Mark Stuart for 3 yrs, $5.1 million. The fact that I felt obligated to provide that update proves I have a disease.

Artistry, 10:27 AM - Have to love how all of the hockey insiders are hedging this morning. You see a lot of "Don't be surprised if..." and "The Rangers may make a move, but I wouldn't put money on it" tweets. Here at GTOG, we make definitive statements, but don't be shocked if that doesn't happen.

Finesse, 10:23 AM - If the Pens have extra cap space, Mario will sign Marc Bergevin just because. He's also looking for way to give J.J. Daigneault money.

Finesse, 10:10 AM - I'm going to make a wild prediction based on no facts.  Caps are willing to move Mike Green.

Artistry, 10:07 AM - Rumor: Is Anisimov, a #1 pick, and a prospect the right price for Richards? Anisimov always scores against the Pens. I say they should make that deal. Richards to Gaborik will be a great combination for the 32 games they play together every year.

Artistry, 10:05 AM - LA Kings sign forward Justin Williams to a new 4 yr., $14.6 million deal. Good player. Seems like the right price.

Monday memos

Internet rumor says that Jim Thornton has won the announcer's job on Wheel of Fortune. I couldn't find any real confirmation, and I have to agree with the poster on the Wheel board who commented: "...a lot of 'rumors' like this are started on purpose just to get people's reactions as if it was factual. It's a strategy to engage people in debate and their reaction."

I don't have much reaction myself, I'm afraid. I'm sure Thornton would be competent in the job, but the announcer's role just isn't that crucial on Wheel.

Stories have popped up that Regis Philbin is regretting his decision to retire from that little daytime show. Gee, I don't think he should ever have left Millionaire. I also hear that Chuck Woolery is having second thoughts about leaving Wheel of Fortune.

GSN is running plenty of promos for Wendy Williams' new talk/relationship/game/whatever show debuting on April 11. The promos are getting on my nerves a little. Will the talkative and emphatic Wendy hit it off with GSN's grandmotherly audience? But I was doubtful about Sherri Shepherd, too, and she's done just fine. If Wendy dials it back a little and doesn't try to dominate everything, she'll probably be okay with the viewers.

Interesting stuff from our Gameday 26/2 2011

We had another gameday this Saturday down at the club in Lund - we also had a meeting about potential conventions this year like SydCon, RydCon and GothCon.

There is a high chance that there will be a small gang of us, me included, going to GothhCon at the end of April to run Secrets of the Third Reich demos and maybe something else as well. We also started talking about this year’s Secrets of the Third Reich tournament, logistically it worked well last year. But if we end up with more participants we will need to look around for a bigger place to house the event in. It would be cool to have it at SydCon - but that would also depend on whether or not we find the location where that convention will be held this year attractive or not. Last year SydCon was a fractured mess divided between two buildings and several floors taking away that convention feeling and you had to run around quite a bit to check out the events and field stores.

So if you're reading this and are going to attend at GothCon or SydCon this year and have any special wishes regarding demo of miniature wargames beyond Secrets of the Third Reich it would be great to know. Would not be too much trouble bringing with us Strange Aeons for instance.

........................................
I picked up a few things at the gameday as well, my Feldherr mini "army" case and some transfers for my Polish 15mm armor. The Feldherr bag I ordered mainly because I needed something small enough to transport my Malifaux stuff and things like my BloodBowl team without having to carry around the large army cases I usually use. The Feldherr bag has 2 sheets and a total of 32 slots. Should be enought for most small scale skirmish games like Malifaux, Legends of the Old West, Strange Aeons and Blood Bowl.

I also had the chance to compare my OldGlory/TrueNorth Polish 15mm infantry to Widgrens Forged In Battle 15mm Poles - and I can safely say that you can mix manufacturers within units if you like. They are pretty much identical. FiB being slightly bulkier but I think it has to do with them having helmets while the infantry I had ordered by accident from OG/TN has field caps.

There were also various "Plastic Soldier Company" boxes down at the club so I took the time to check out the 28, 20 and 15mm versions of the Soviet sprue. Fellow gamer Widgren had also bought some T-34's. The tanks looked very nice. Out of the PSC infantry I would say that the 15mm looked very sharp. The 20 and 28mm didn't look too good though. The details were not that well defined as you would expect from plastics. I think that the Warlord Games plastic WW2 miniatures are slightly better.  The first picture is showing the 15mm Soviet sheet and the other two are showing 28mm.

Our Secrets of the Third Reich demo table, early WIP. Fredrik who's building this table is going to build us a trainyard/industrial complex. So there will be train track - perhaps a wrecked train as well, industrial buildings, Silo's and other cool stuff.. The table is built in such a way that you can use 2 or 3 pieces and it still connects in a symetrical fashion.






One of the members at the club had purchased some kind of fantasy adventure rules called "Ruination" in PDF and had printed me a copy. I have not really had the time to look through the rules yet but there will be a blog entry about these rules in the near future. Now I'm not playing any fantasy adventures  or plan to do so but there were a few interesting things about these rules like various dice depending on what weapon was used and you could always choose between two types of dice (like pick D4 or D6) to hit and to wound. Making hitting an opponent easier with "lower" dice but making the damage roll with the same dice less effective.

Also got to play 2 games of Malifaux against my buddy Calle, I had brought with me my French and Indian stuff but in the end we decided to play Malifaux since he hasn’t had the chance of playing that game more than once before. Calle plays Neverborn but like me uses stand in models. I think his stuff are from Fenryll and Reaper. I know the large monsters are made out of resin. He also have a West Wind killer clown posing as a a “Waldgeist” and GW Nuglings used as “terror tots”. He played with Zoraida as master and it was a very different experience for me, never met that master before but she has some pretty cool and very useful spells. Like one that allows her to look at the top 3 cards of her own or the opponent’s fate deck,  flight 10” as a 0 action and a spell that can take control over enemy models.

Sunday Night Update

Tonight's run has pulled back on the lowland snow (see graphic for 24-h snow ending 4 PM). I wanted all of you to see how even this close in forecasts can vary when the atmosphere is on the edge (in this case rain versus snow). One thing that hasn't changed is the snow in the mountains...they are going to get hit very, very hard, with 2-3 feet in places. Note that the snow level is very low....some wet snow on the higher hills and if you are above 700-1000 ft be prepared for lots of white stuff. Bigger threat south of the city as this band of very heavy precipitation gets established after 1 AM.


Interestingly, the NWS's high-tech, high-resolution forecasting system..the HRRR (High Resolution Rapid Refresh) is going for lowland snow from Seattle southward (accumulated from 8 PM to 10 AM Monday):
Temperatures are cooling aloft and at the surface...the snow level is now around 1000 ft....

Regarding the wind event, the forecast low is still there and still very strong (972 mb)...but now is making landfall on northern Vancouver Island...which is less of a threat for Puget Sound...but still very strong winds along the coast (see forecast pressure map):See how fun forecasting is...it combines science and gambling. Probabilities and big pay offs...

GTOG Podcast: Grading the Pens at the Deadline, Sushi with Hilary Duff, and Ways to Honor Ourselves

On the eve of the trade deadline, we assess how Ray Shero has done so far and what other moves are out there for the Pens to make.  We also survey some of the other big moves around the Eastern Conference and, in honor of the Oscars, discuss ways in which we can congratulate each other and celebrate ourselves.   Also at the end, you can hear the new smash hit, Sushi With Hilary Duff, inspired by this post.

[UPDATE: We talked about Chris Phillips, but he has since re-signed with Ottawa]

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Sunday Video: Hipster Superheroes

Based on the College Humor comic of the same name.

If I Ran The Oscars Telecast...

...I'd show clips from the less than stellar movies, commercials and such that those involved did before getting the nomination.

Like tonight, I would totally show a clip from Annapolis when James Franco's name was called as a Best Actor nominee.

Natalie Portman would have to cringe as Mars Attacks plays.

And every time Meryl Streep gets nominated, it is She Devil time.

I think this vision of mine would be the reason I would never get that chance.

Sushi with Hilary Duff ... GTOG's Debut Smash Hit Single

By Artistry

[Download the hit single (explained below) here]

Listen to the single here:

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My brother, Bro-tistry, loves to hang out with my dad's friend, Richard. They golf together, play cards together, eat sushi together, and my brother basically acts like a 60-year-old semi-retired person. Whatever, Richard is more fun than most 25-year-olds you know. If you doubt this, check out what happened when his daughter surreptitiously taped him watching the Steelers-Jets playoff game. Wait until the 1:57 mark for the payoff. [Rated R for language and partial nudity.]



So Bro-tristry and Richard are at Umi in Shadyside last Friday night, sitting at the bar and having dinner, and Bro-tistry checks the score of the Pens-Canes game on his phone, then mentions it aloud. The bartender says, "Aron Asham is sitting right over there. He's with Mike Comrie." My brother turns around and spots Asham, Comrie, and Hilary Duff, eating dinner and betraying no concern for the Penguin game.

After dinner, my brother gets up to use the restroom, and when he's finished, he notices Asham is wearing a goofy hat, Comrie is overweight, and Hilary Duff is no longer at the table. As he and Richard move toward the stairs to head home, Bro-tistry pauses. "I have to text my brother," he says.

"Why, to tell him this is the best sushi ever?" Richard asks, because that makes sense.

"No," Bro-tistry replies, walking down the steps toward the exit. "To tell him Aron Asham and Mike Comrie could give a s--- about the Penguin game."

When they reached the bottom of the staircase, there was Hilary Duff. "I do think this sushi is the best ever," she says. "And I'm from LA."

From LA

Mike Comrie's wife had clearly heard the entire exchange, yet Bro-tistry reports that she was as sweet and gracious as could be. The same cannot be said for Mike Comrie. As my brother and Richard stood in the restaurant lobby chatting away with Duff, the recreational hockey player waddled down the steps. "Looking grumpy and fat," Bro-tistry reports. It seems he was not amused that his wife was talking to people. GTOG was plenty amused by the whole thing. Richard may or may not have gotten Hilary Duff's number.

So moved was Bro-tistry by this experience, he wrote a song about it...

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[Download the hit single here]

Snow Tomorrow Morning? Windstorm on Wednesday?

Folks...I don't want to cry wolf about this...but if you take the current model output literally, we will have a significant lowland snow event after midnight tonight. What gets me nervous is that my colleagues in the National Weather Service are not mentioning the possibility at all in their forecast or discussion.

Here is the 24-h snowfall map for the period ending 4PM Monday.

Wow. The mountains get 2-3 feet of snow and the Puget Sound and SW WA lowlands get several inches. There would be precipitation shadowing west and north of Seattle. I should also note that the Weather Channel automated system is also going for early morning snow.

The previous run has only scattered, light snow showers. Here it is. So we don't have run to run consistently...which tells us that there is real uncertainty here.


The temperatures are marginal for snow later this evening, but the last model run suggests that a heavy precipitation rate will drive the snow level down to sea level in many locations. This kind of situation is called a diabatic snow event...since the melting of snow is an important source of the cool (diabatic is term for such an effect). A tricky forecast since it depends on getting the intensity of the precipitation correct...something we are not that good at.

YES, there is uncertainty with this event. If the last run is wrong and the precipitation is lighter all the lowlands will get is rain. Anyway, just be aware of the possibility. If this happens the commute tomorrow will be a zoo. If tonight's run has it, I would be prepared.

Want more weather fun? The models have a major windstorm coming in on Wednesday. And there was snow today in Los Angeles and several inches around Tucson.

GTOPG: What An Effing Shot; Pens Win 6-5

By Finesse

When the Pens were borderline melting down at various points in the third period last night, you may have found yourself saying, "here we go again."  But looking back on the game with the fresh perspective of the next day, no one should be surprised that the Pens kept coming back - that's what this team does.  And that's why this team can do some damage no matter who is in the lineup.  The Pens never get too high, and they never get too low.  Instead, they get angry...and get even.  Credit Dan Bylsma, Ray Shero, and Mario Lemieux - they know that not every game is the Stanley Cup and that you don't get anywhere by feeling sorry for yourself.  The Pens don't feel sorry for themselves, but I feel sorry for Leafs' goalie James Reimer.  What a trainwreck.

While Reimer was inspiring confidence in the Pens' snakebitten forwards -- after all, Max Talbot scored on a shorthanded breakaway on which he didn't make a move but rather skated toward the post and just pushed a backhander in because Reimer wasn't doing anything to stop it -- Marc Andre-Fleury was having his own struggles in the Pens' end.  But the thing with Fleury is that even when he is having a bad game - and last night was one of them - he still makes huge saves late just to keep the Pens in the hunt.  Fleury may have scored a shootout shutout because the Leafs are horrible, but that's what Stanley Cup Champion goalies do.

Ok, enough about everything else.  Let's talk about the Elephant in the Room.



We said it yesterday - one of the main reasons we love the Kovalev trade is that he becomes the only Penguin who not only can do something that makes you say, "$@^$%@", but who you expect to do that.  It's a great feeling to see that back on the ice.  His regulation goal was also underrated.  It wasn't his best shot, but he didn't need it to be because he had the patience to wait until James Reimer took himself completely out of position.  That's hockey sense.

Last night also reminded us that of all the Pens' rookies this season, Mark Letestu stands head and shoulders above the rest.  The guy knows what he is doing.  And so does Jeffrey.  Slowly but surely, the Pens lineup is rounding back into shape.  Oh, I forgot.  TK was scratched last night with a lower-body injury, which caused immediate speculation that he was being held out to be traded.  Rossi on Twitter put that notion quickly to rest.

Pens have three days off and then head back to Toronto.  Here's hoping we see James Reimer again.

Long overdue podcast coming soon.

LGP.

Norm debuts

Norm Macdonald started his stint as host of High Stakes Poker by denigrating his own poker abilities. That was probably a good idea, given the annoyance over Gabe Kaplan's firing from the show.

As it turned out, Macdonald's commentary on the play in his debut last night was competent and sometimes humorous. But he was occasionally surprised by a frankly surprising move. Like when the pictured Doyle Brunson folded a very serviceable pair of queens.

The play itself got interesting in a hurry with two huge 400K+ hands. Poker pro Vanessa Selbst crashed and burned when she ran her pair of queens into a set of threes held by amateur Phil Ruffin. Fellow amateur Bill Klein wasn't so lucky when eccentric pro David "Viffer" Peat hit a flush on the river.

The play then simmered down as people got a bit more cautious. Still, Barry Greenstein won a gutsy bluff against Klein, who definitely took his lumps in the episode. A lot of new faces showed up at the table. Top players like Tom Dwan and Phil Ivey were MIA due to some asinine dispute between a couple of online poker sites.

All in all, I enjoyed the new season, though the show is still using Kara Scott as just routine eye candy. Not that I have anything against eye candy, but she should be doing some genuine commentary on the poker.

Das Boot vs U-571 [War movies part 2]

My knowledge about Submarine movies does not stretch beyond a handful of films - though I find most movies I've seen in this genre to be quite OK. I don't know if it has to do with the cramped locations forcing the cast to overperform or if the situations the submarine crews usually find themselves in are so thrilling that you look beyond the minor flaws.

Out of the movies I've seen and can remember, if you can look beyond the ridiculous fake Russian accents "The Hunt for Red October" was OK (I think Sean Connery was great and Sam Neil likeable as always). And I really liked "K-19: the widowmaker", I thought it was quite suspenseful on a different level - with the crew being in mortal danger from the broken down nuclear reactor more than enemy ships. "Crimsom tide" was half decent. But, the only WW2 themed Submarine movies I've seen are "Das Boot" and "U-571".

I remember going to the cinema with a friend to watch U-571 when it premiered - I was fortunate enough to have seen Das Boot before doing so - but it also made my expectations quite steep.

The German movie Das Boot is truly an epic. It chronicles the submarine warfare of a German crew through the eyes of an attached reporter who is to write about the submarine crews for propaganda purposes. Opening scenes have show the crew as a bunch of shitfaced drunks enjoying their R&R in France – there are a few very fun scenes at this very beginning of the movie. Of course, just a few minutes into the movie they are called back and assigned a new mission. The attached reporter knowing very little about submarine warfare is very enthusiastic and he really serves as the character that guides the audience into this world. As the submarine leaves the docks, band playing and all, he starts taking pictures of the sailors – whereupon the captain tells him to wait until after the mission, as most men will have grown a beard by that time and not look so young.

The initial excitement of the reporter turns into the dull monotonous routine of submarine patrol, with long periods of nothing, storms, low morale and shitty food.  Far from the glamour he was intended to report.  Finally the crew get a message about enemy trade ships and race towards the destination to intercept. Morale gets a boost, and as the submarine sneaks up on the enemy merchant ship the tension aboard the submarine is thick. They manage to sink the merchant ship but get attacked by an enemy destroyer almost immediately which gives us a long submarine hunt with depthcharges scaring the shit out of the crew as they explode all around the ship – causing minor damage, water leaks and makes one of the officers go hysterical. These scenes are just fantastic as everything is shown from the perspective of the crewmen and you rely on sounds from the sonar, and motor sounds from the surface. The scenes showing the depth charges exploding all around the submarine are also very well done.

Not to go into too much spoilers about this movie, sufficient to say the life of the submarine crew is not really what the reporter thought it would be. Life on a sub is miserable, dull, dangerous as hell and conditions are terrible – in other words not much to write home about.

As the movie ends you can see it in the face of the reporter after what he has been through, that he might as well wipe his ass with that propaganda article that was intended to draft more men into the “Kriegsmarine”.  And honestly, there was no branch of the German warmachine that suffered heavier losses. This movie portrays why it was so perfectly, not only is it a very exciting movie, the acting from the German cast is superb. Once again the movie score is a chilling piece of music that really fits the atmosphere perfectly – and just as with Stalingrad you really feel that it was “all for nothing” at the end of the movie. I highly recommend watching the director’s cut version of this one which is 3 hours and 36 minutes long. That is pretty much the length of the special edition of “LoTR:Return of the King” – and if you could sit through that (and all the 15 endings) you will have no problem watching this movie. It’s a masterpiece and one of the best “war movies” out there.

U-571 is Hollywoods take on the WW2 submarine warfare, released 20 years after Das Boot. I’ll start of saying that it is an OK movie with decent entertainment value. But it has a few things that will piss people off – and rightly so. The movie is about capturing the German coding device “Enigma”, a glorified typewriter used to send coded messages to/from the  German submarines which made life hell for the allies during the early stages of the war since the codes could not be cracked the Germans had a serious upper hand. The allies focused their efforts on trying to decipher the codes, this was done in England by mathematicians, and capturing a working Enigma machine and code books out in the “field”. The hard part was to capture the machine without the Germans knowing about it or else they would just change their codes or tweak the Enigma.  Long story short, the Enigma machine was captured by the British – and the codes were finally cracked at Bletchley Park in England. This is what the main point of the entire movie is about, but it tampers with history, to make it look like the US navy were the ones capturing the enigma and thus helped solving this coded message problem of the Allies.

This history falsification is totally pointless and just makes the entire movie seem stupid. Sure, at the end credits you have a brief text telling you that the British were the ones capturing the Enigma and code book, and giving the one account where the US navy did so as well – the thing is the US navy captured the Enigma towards the end of the war when it was no longer of any importance. This fact just keeps nagging me as I watch the movie, and people who may not be well versed in WW2 history will get these fucked up ideas of actual historical events. Even the writer of this movie later admitted it was a stupid thing to do.

The other thing that bothers me is not that it’s about the US navy, I actually welcome that – but I think it would have been a greater service to the men who actually fought as submariners if the movie took place in the Pacific against the Imperial Japan where the majority of the US subs were operating.
U-571 starts of really damn good actually – depicting a German submarine sinking a merchant ship and getting depth charged in a brutal fashion, killing the engineers and destroying their diesel engines – virtually making the sub useless. The German captain is played by the same actor who played the Lieutenant in Stalingrad (Thomas Kretschmann, gotta love this guy), and he is great as the main villain of the movie if you like to call him that. The German crew also speak German which is quite welcome. This German sub is now a sitting duck in the middle of the Atlantic ocean while waiting for replacement parts. In the meantime, in a  similar fashion to Das Boot the protagonist crew are on shore leave back in the US. Similar kind of leave with drinking and enjoying  themselves, they are soon called back into service for a special and very secrets mission . Their US sub have been remodeled to look like a German submarine and their mission is to intercept the damaged German sub before it receives the replacement parts, take over it and capture the Enigma machine without the German command knowing about it.

The premise, might sound silly but is actually quite OK. As opposed to German submarines the US ones are inferior and very old. This is shown by the many leaks and rusty pipes pretty much as soon as the sub submerges. The cast has it’s high and lows, and a few odd choices. Bill Paxton plays the US submarine captain, he does good except for one cliché scene in the middle of the movie. Mathew  McConaughey plays the second in command – never really cared for him as an actor as he always seem to have that surprised/amazed and mouth wide open unintelligent facial expression. Harvey Keitel does a good job as being the crews old fart chief who is a WW1 veteran submariner. For some reason Jon Bon Jovi is in this movie as one of the officers, can’t really understand why he is in this at all since he has very few lines, does nothing important and just disappears halfway into the movie.

There is also the cliché black guy, who in true Cuba Gooding Jr / Pearl Harbor fashion helps out through political correctness. I can’t blame the actor who I think does a good job, but I kept wondering “how accurate is this?”.

The US submarine finds the German one, and again without spoiling too much of the movie, the US crew manages to take over it. This leads to a submarine hunt, almost identical to the one in Das Boot (though really how much can be done with depth charges and submarines in terms of variety?). These scenes are quite OK, but I still find the ones in Das Boot more chilling and suspenseful. The crew also show the superiority of the Germans subs by diving beyond what the US subs would be able to.

This movie is filled with weird shit though, that keeps distracting someone who has any knowledge of WW2 history. What it does is basically take Das Boot, and inverts the action scenes. Instead of a German sub being hunted by an allied destroyer – we have an allied sub hunted by a German destroyer. No German ships actually travelled that far out into the Atlantic as it would have been suicide passing through the English channel and dangerous to go around the British isles. The Germans mainly kept submarines in the Atlantic. There is also one scene with a German fighter attacking the captured submarine – again, there was no way in hell a German fighter would be able to fly that far into the Atlantic (during the Battle of Britain the fuel of the German planes was barely enough to cross the channel shoot some and turn back). And the Germans did not have any carriers to bring fighters far out to sea.

There is another scene that is “cool” but silly at the same time. Where two subs are firing torpedoes at each other. While submerged. That might work on modern subs, but back in those days – it just wasn’t really possible or intended to fight subs with subs. There is one exception, this being once again a British submarine who was shadowing a German submarine which had become damaged. The German submarine was making a zigzag maneuver and was unaware of the British following her. The British captain made some calculation and was able to predict the speed and direction of the German sub , and with huge amount of luck they actually managed to sink the German submarine. Though inU-571 we have two subs firing at each other from the front and not really being able to know depth or direction of their opponents. That just makes for silly popcorn action I guess.

So, I would give Das Boot 9/10 and U-571 about 6/10. Again the German movie has a more mature and authentic feel to it that does not include “glory” music or high praise for heroics. Instead it shows, just like Stalingrad – the danger and tension of being a submariner during WW2. I would still advice on watching U-571, at least for the scenes with Thomas Kretschmann, the German submarine captain, as he is quite good in this one.


As a side note, there is one fantastic PC game – it has a few years on its back, but it is still the best Submarine simulator out there imo. Check out “Silent hunter III”. It has a campaign mode stretching from 1939-45, with you taking part as a German submarine commander. It can be played with various options turned on/off, making it more realistic or more arcade style depending on your preference and willingness to learn the controls. It has great management aspects where you have to rotate the crew, assign medals and promotions after successful missions and as the campaign progresses you can upgrade your submarine or change model/area of operation from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean.  This game is as close as you will ever get to relive the tense scenes of Das Boot. Especially as the campaign is historically correct and ups the difficulty as the years go by and the allies start to form convoys with escorting destroyers and having planes and torpedo boats guarding the coats of the British islands. It’s a fantastic game. So check it out!

Next week, Der Untergang vs Inglorious Basterds. Der untergang actually  includes Thomas Kretschmann in one of the supporting roles.