Epic Gamma Fail

Communication with women is always a minefield. One of the reasons women like "strong silent men" is because the refusal of such men to provide them with information permits their little rationality hamsters to fill the subsequent void with all sorts of mysterious and fascinating explanations that almost surely have no basis in reality. And this disastrous 1,615-word email to follow-up a first date is the exact opposite of setting the hamster to spinning happily away:

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

Is there anyone cognizant of Game who is the least bit surprised that the object of this email was not at all interested in seeing its author again? Read the pathetic, self-pitying, self-justifying epistle closely, just to understand that it is the exact wrong note to take with a woman. It's so extremely wrong that the woman not only rejected it, she found it so disgusting that she had to share it with the world.

Deluded? Check. "I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that."

Feminine emotional appeal? Check. "I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you."

Futile attempt to convince? Check. "If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life."

Pathetic attempt to display higher value? Check? "Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again."

Concerned about what others think? Check. "You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a 'real' job."

Creepy? Check. "By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email."

So if, in the future, you are not sure if you are contemplating or exhibiting Gamma behavior, ask yourself if Mike the Banker would do it. If the answer is yes, then by all means, do not do it! After a first date, the correct thing follow-up is to call one time. If she's not there, leave a message. Once. If she's sufficiently interested, she'll get back to you. If she isn't, she won't, so move on to your next option.

If you like, you can always go ahead and throw out a one-word text a month or two later. If she responds to that, then she's stable quality, she's not potential relationship material.

One thing that few men understand is women don't actually want them to share their thoughts or their feelings most of the time. They only think they do as long as they don't actually know what you're thinking. It's like the monster in the horror movie that's always much more frightening when one is only permitted brief glimpses of it. It doesn't matter if you're contemplating a solution to the European currency crisis or the recreation of the Kama Sutra utilizing the entire squad of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, nothing you are thinking is going to be as fascinating to her as what she is imagining you might be thinking.