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I Admit it: I am Stealth-Impaired

When it comes to gaming, well, me and stealth don't get along too well. OK, truth be told, in no area of my life does stealth play a significant role in anything I do. I am a klutz, I move like a pregnant yak and I stick out like a sore thumb wherever I go, so naturally, my gameplay style reflects that. I don't try to stay quiet, I don't hide. Sure, I play a little bit strategically, but quiet and slow progress are not my way.

I remember playing those old Medal of Honor games back on the Playstation which rewarded you for killing 95% of the enemies in a level, even if it one that was predicated on wearing a disguise. Now if that isn't discouraging stealth play, I don't know what would.

When I compare my play style with the kind of experience that is being marketed by the makers and advocates of the tactical shooters, I am discover that in the end, I am quite simply a butcher, as the makers of Hitman were so eager to tell me after a few levels. For example, it is rare for me to leave a field of operation in SOCOM relatively unscathed, though there are a few levels that because of the nature of the mission, and only because it was a requirement of the mission, that I've maintained a zero body count. I started playing a Metal Gear Solid game and as soon as the word sneaking came up, I groaned because I knew I didn't have what it takes(patience) to do that, and the less said about the brutal rampage of Sam Fisher in my hands, the better.

I guess the reason I play like this is mainly because I am so used to the Unreal Tournament way of doing things and first-person shooters in general that it just seems easier to make oneself the last man standing by dictating the terms on which I am going to fight using advantageous terrain rather than getting caught in a situation where I am highly exposed. After all, a dead enemy is far less likely to fire at me than one that is alive and behind me as I am approaching an objective. I mean, it seems like the most logical and sane way to accomplish things to me, but I guess in reality, it isn't the best strategy. If it was, then every operation between small groups of operatives and larger entities would always end up being a massacre, and after watching series like Navy SEALS: The Untold Stories, I know how wrong my approach is for real life.

In short, Stealth is the course of last resort for me, not the first, and I am sure there are a lot of other players out there that have a similar style. Anyone else willing to admit that they are stealth-impaired?

Tags: socom, tactical shooters, unreal tournament, stealth, hitman, medal of honor, sam fisher, navy seals, untold stories, gaming, first person shooters, tom clancy, sneaking, solid snake, metal gear

Odd Stumbleupon finds : January Edition

Once again it is nearing the end of the month and it is time again for another roundup of strange and funny stuff I've found using Stumbleupon. Enjoy.

Images and comics:

The Last Jedi Supper

Tales of the Holistic Fairness of the world

Day of the Living Alive

Articles:

What happens when the worst-rated player in John Madden Football talks back?

Great insults by famous people

What 24's Jack Bauer has learned over the years as presented by Esquire.

France and England almost united in the 1950's? Wow.

Videos:

Rednecks mess with the WRONG GUY

Instant Ice

National Flags of the World meet a focus group.

It truly was a banner month from Stumbleupon.

Tags: stumbleupon, france, england, comics, rednecks, college humor, insults, madden, karma, last supper, star wars, jack bauer, 24, national flags

Armed and Famous: Buh Bye

I for one am not crying that this horrible concept of a reality show got axed.

I expect B-list celebrities and below to be caught by the cops, not trying to be them. I just hope Muncie had a good deal with the producers and get their 30 pieces of silver for selling out their town's integrity. Really, do we need Latoya Jackson having the possibility of wielding a weapon on the streets of an American town. I don't think so.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Tags: armed and famous, estrada, jack osbourne, stratus, latoya, jackson, muncie, cancelled

Ook, Ook, Splat, Splat- A Culture Kills Comic

On my last comic, two of the guys over at StripGenerator said that they wished I would do more comics every week... and maybe I will.

Tags: culture kills, strip generator, comic, monkey, cat, politics, alka seltzer

Week 37: Pageant of the Transmundane

This week was an exciting battle to the finish as there were three contenders for the ever-so-coveted Transmundanity Triple Crown, but alas, like Highlander, there could be only one.

And this week, our winner is Becca from No Smoking in the Skull Cave. Becca discovered a set of dolls designed for girls that are well... dirty, dirty dolls. Seriously, dolls for kids shouldn't be that pliable. Of course, their attire and mere general flexibility wasn't enough to win this award. So Becca decided to "direct" them in a few softcore poses, and they look far more lifelike than a few of the celebutantes working the cameras today. It is creepy and yet somehow tasteful as well, but in the end, it is also a winning entry.

And because dolls were involved, well, I couldn't miss the opportunity to whip out a photo with Malibu Stacy in it to commemorate this milestone. Congratulations on winning the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for the third time, Becca.



And here is your badge for winning it this week(though you don't display them, but it is the tradition now).



And finally, the badge for the Transmundanity Triple Crown.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Tags: pageant of the transmundane, homer simpson, malibu stacy, no smoking in the skull cave, triple crown, boogie nights, roller girl, softcore, pornography, barbie, my scene, photography

Learning poor behaviour from video games

This has been the summer holidays where our household has been overrun by video games. It all happened when my son (the 6 year old) went to play at another boy's house and his mother observed him losing dramatically in a video game we had but never let him play. Suffice it to say, he needed skills and plenty of practice. So the flood gates opened.

Basically, the six year old, the eight year old and the thirty six year old have been absorbed for hours and days on end on the GameCube. That has left me and the two year old to our own devices. Of course, the two year old is often amused by being handed a controller and so becomes part of the whole thing, leaving me just to watch.

One of the popular games is Super Mario Cart: Double Dash. My son played this quite a bit. The major event occurred when he finally won a race against his older sister. This was much to our delight but suffice it to say lead to tears, complaints about the intrinsic speed of the motor vehicle and arguments about the aggregate relative allocation of time spent on these games.

I ended up consoling my daughter that ultimately this was all her fault. You see in this racing game, there is an option that has one person drive while the other throws things. My daughter always took the wheel while my son was stuck on back throwing things. I argued that what this meant is that he had developed those skills while she had not. After he had practiced, finally, driving, he was able to tackle the race with a full arsenal and so won. That was part of the story. The real part that I also explained was that he had caught up and so with a bit of luck he might win from time to time so she would have to deal.

Anyhow, she dealt by switching games. This time to Pikmin. This is a game that obsessed our thirty six year old some years back and that obsession has resurfaced. Basically, this game involves some guy who crashes on a planet and in order to get off needs the help of little creatures called pikmin to gather parts and fight dangerous creatures.

Now there is alot of press about violent video games. You know ones that involve shooting, slicing open, punching and all sorts of other things said to cause children to learn poor behaviour. These games getting rated M or some such and so parents avoid them.

On the other hand, we have Pikmin that involves cute little creatures. However, to my observing eyes, it is truly horrific in its message. Basically, the pikmin are slaves. They are born and bred to serve the invading spaceman and to assist him in vast quantities just to leave the planet. A planet he leaves in ecological ruin by killing off natural predators; usually while they sleep. And this killing off is done by the pikmin who are unceremoniously thrown at the dangerous creatures and who died in vast numbers. Some pikmin also die by 'accident' drowning as they can't swim but blindly follow the spaceman across a pond or what have you.

I have argued that perhaps the pikmin need more respect and should have some rights but to no avail. Instead, the thirty six year old can be heard to say, "don't worry about them, you have plenty more back on the ship." Then fifty odd pikmin get abandoned, unprotected on the planet only to get eaten alive or squashed.

So apparently, rampant genocide and slavery are rated G. I am not the only one to think this. When it comes down to it, if we are looking for games that might lead to brutal dictators being bred, look to Pikmin rather than Grand Theft Auto. The latter at least is localised violence rather than the meaningless, short term exploitation of an entire planet.

Repeated punishment

In Slate, Emily Brazelon discusses proposals to outlaw spanking of children. Ultimately, there are two forces at work here. The first is the fact that violence -- even restrained beating -- is outlawed between adult to adult. The second are concerns about what damage spanking children might do. The former is enough for me not to spank our children but the idea of outlawing it for everyone has to be based, at first instance, on the evidence. If it turned out that the evidence was favourable (that is, it did little harm and helped with discipline), then we would have to move on to morals to deal with the policy issue.

But the Slate article tells us that the evidence is mixed but ultimately stacks up against.

This is the sort of research impasse that leaves advocates free to argue what they will—and parents without much guidance. But one study stands out: An effort by University of California at Berkeley psychologist Diana Baumrind to tease out the effects of occasional spanking compared to frequent spanking and no spanking at all. Baumrind tracked about 100 white, middle-class families in the East Bay area of northern California from 1968 to 1980. The children who were hit frequently were more likely to be maladjusted. The ones who were occasionally spanked had slightly higher misbehavior scores than those who were not spanked at all. But this difference largely disappeared when Baumrind accounted for the children's poor behavior at a younger age. In other words, the kids who acted out as toddlers and preschoolers were more likely to act out later, whether they were spanked occasionally or never. Lots of spanking was bad for kids. A little didn't seem to matter.

This seems broadly sensible and likely. It is the repetition of spanking as a punishment that is a problem. It could suggest that parents are unrestrained and relying on it too easily. Alternatively, it could suggest that as a punishment, for some children it does not work. To repeat it over and over again just doesn't help.

This blog hasn't looked at punishment yet. It is a little surprising because economics and game theory have lots to say about it. The economic theory of punishment is simple: set the punishment at just the level to deter behaviour. If the offender understands this, the possibility of punishment will deter the behaviour and no punishment will actually be given. That is, punishments that work, deter behaviour and are not repeated.

So if spanking is used as a punishment, if it is repeated, that means it isn't working. Stack that up with the evidence that it is the repetition of this type of punishment that causes damage and you have a case for outlawing repeated spanking. As Brazelon argues, if that involves outlawing the whole lot and then only prosecuting the worst offenses, then the case for the policy is made.

Notice that notions that spanking is the "only thing a child will understand" do not change the policy here. Repetition indicates it is not being understood the right way and so if that leaves a parent with nothing in the toolkit, so be it. The point here is spanking is not really in the toolkit. The other point, as I heard somewhere, is that this same argument also applies to tourists who need directions; a mild flogging is the only thing they will understand!

But the same principle -- repetition means failure -- applies to any sort of punishment. When it comes down to it, even those like myself who will not engage in any physical pain as punishment, shouting, incarceration and other forms of punishment, are not guaranteed to be any less emotionally damaging at a first order. And their repetition will likely generate the same ill effects as spanking.

In our house, the main form of punishment is the "dreaded" corner; that is, incarceration. Our house doesn't actually have many corners -- some rabid architect did away with them -- but do the place called the corner is a little dark space just inside the door to the garage. What this means is that being sent to the corner means isolation but also a mild chance of being hit by an inswinging door (so I guess we have a chance of physical punishment!).

Many offenses can entail being sent to the corner. Rudeness, tantrums, violence towards siblings, inability to resolve arguments, refusals to obey 'orders.' So the punishment is dealt out quite often. But it is not repeated often for the same offense.

But we also have orders of magnitude of increasing punishments. Corner first, denial of television, sent to room and sent to bed early all can be employed. Occasionally, things get out of hand. One day my eldest daughter at 3 years old, refused to do pretty much anything. Punishments escalated until she was in her room, naked and screaming with no toys. Not a pretty moment nor a proud one for me and it required a second parent to resolve the whole thing. But that is the exception that proved the rule. In that situation, punishments per se, didn't work. Something else was going on that would require more effort to resolve.

Our second eldest son was another matter. Whereas our daughter would be dutifully distressed being sent to the corner (something that indicated to me the message have been delivered), our son wouldn't react at all. He would go to the corner. Sometimes we would hear him singing, "I'm in the corner, I'm in the corner." It was a merry ditty but it often triggered discussions as to whether it was working. Well, forget immediate distress, the truth is, the behaviour wasn't repeated. That is the measure of success rather than looking at distress.

To my mind, there is a part of me that enjoys being innovative about punishments. I like irony. Failure to share a toy properly can lead to confiscation. Confiscation does not mean the toy is removed from sight. No, instead it is put high on a shelf but on display for all to see and not forget. Of course, real irony would be to take the toy and slice it in half. I have threatened this but not had to carry it out.

But you don't always have the time or energy to be creative. What you need then is credibility. As a game theorist, I worked out how to do this and managed to build a reputation in short order. I also know that their imagination is much more active than my own. So when I am not getting compliance with a request or order -- such as getting ready for bathtime -- I stand there and close my eyes and saw "I am thinking up a suitable punishment and if, when I open my eyes, you haven't done x, I will tell you it." Well, a flurry of activity always ensues. I do not think I have ever had to actually think up a punishment and who knows what they think it might be if I ever did! Technically, this is a situation where there is no punishment, just a credible threat of one. It will be interesting to see if this ever comes up in a future therapy session.

The Return of King of the Hill

I have to admit that Beavis and Butthead was never one of my favorite shows to put it mildly, so when King of the Hill premiered in 1997, I didn't have the highest of expectations. A decade later, this low key comedy has become one of my favorite shows of all time. While I do give out an award based on a fellow Fox cartoon, King of the Hill will always occupy a special place in my heart.

There is a gentleness to the humor that makes it ever so appealing, and the fact that while some of the situations are very strange, they are wholly plausible within the context of that community. It is in essence as close to a live action situation comedy as an animated series could be. And to think, it was almost cancelled after its tenth season, but lucky for us fans of the show, it is returning to the television this Sunday.

If you've never seen the series, it is based around the rather conservative and uptight Hank Hill, a man who fights for his core beliefs, even when they are being challenged by his friends and family. Whether it is trying to keep his son Bobby out of trouble and away from the oddities of the liberalizing world to trying to keep Strickland Propane a tightly run ship, he is always battling for what he thinks is right, and upon that base, our whole conception of Arlen, Texas is developed, and it does seem like a nice little place to live.

In another person's hands, the show could have been pure caricature and devoted to nothing but making fun of the supposed "redneck" mentality, but what emerged from Mike Judge's skillful development after that first season was a deeply thought out and well-developed set of characters with a great deal of subtlety and nuance. The situations seem like things that could actually plausibly happen to anyone and the solutions to the problems they face aren't outlandish.

It is solid writing, low key performances and pure atmosphere that make this show a winner and the second longest running animated series of all time, and one respected by its peers, and it is great to see it returning to the Fox Sunday Night lineup.

Tags: king of the hill, fox, hank hill, bobby hill, arlen, cartoon, south park, mike judge, conservative, liberal, culture clash, redneck, strickland

You know an industry has a powerful lobby when...

...you can't even poke fun at it in an ad.

For the Super Bowl, Nationwide Mutual Insurance commissioned a commercial where Kevin Federline is starring in a music video and living the good life... with the joke being that it is all a daydream and he is in fact making fries at a fictional fast food restaurant.

The National Restaurant Association apparently didn't like that too much, because as the organization's president wrote, it is a "strong and direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry" and the ad "would give the impression that working in a restaurant is demeaning and unpleasant" [The quotes are derived from this Yahoo! News article]

Now I must ask, are they mad that the implication is that working in fast food is not an exciting and wholly fulfilling enterprise for the majority of people, or are they upset that Kevin Federline is the party working at one of these establishments in the ad?

I decided to see if the National Restaurant Association had made similar statements about other major media releases in recent years.

Morgan Spurlock and Super Size Me- The organization named him one of the top five food villains of 2004. (Golly!)

Fast Food Nation and Eric Schlosser- And I quote:

Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser is one individual's biased attempt to convince the American consumer to stop eating food from restaurants they enjoy frequenting. In addition to acting like the "food police," and trying to coerce the American consumer to never eat fast-food again, the author recklessly disparages an industry that has contributed tremendously to our nation by providing millions of consumers the option of choosing a range of high-quality food items that they love, providing tremendous job and career opportunities and boosting the national economy.

Kevin Smith, Clerks II, the movie entitled Waiting, South Park, The Simpsons- Not a peep.

So with those reference points in mind, the idea of Kevin Federline working in fast food in essence brings down the integrity of the entire industry according to the criticism leveled by the National Restaurant Association. Kevin Federline is certainly a more powerful entity than I would have ever given him credit for. Of course, we all know that he is going to be working in one sooner or later, and there is nothing the NRA can do about it.

Tags: kevin federline, nra, national restaurant association, kevin smith, waiting, simpsons, morgan spurlock, fast food nation, super size me, eric schlosser, nationwide mutual insurance, yahoo, south park, super bowl

More of the Street Fighter: The Later Years saga

A few months ago, I posted a link to the first part of Street Fighter: The Later Years, and I found the next two chapters of this epic undertaking. Zangief and Dhalsim seek out new allies and training while making new enemies.

Part 2
Part 3

Enjoy!

Tags: street fighter, later years, dhalsim, vega, sagat, bison, zangief, college humor, ryu, honda, tiger

Betty Suarez, you have enchanted my heart

There is something that I've wanted to say for a long time, and it is only now that I can acknowledge it. With so many women wanting to be or feeling a deep affinity to the title character of Ugly Betty, I must admit that I want to meet a girl just like Betty Suarez. There I've said it.

Betty is smart, talented, sensitive, loyal, down-to-earth and a whole slew of other wonderful qualities that come together to make a killer package. Having the diamond of her character contrasted with others in her workplace accentuates these very same qualities by their notable omission, allowing them to stand out even more.

I am attracted to her because of the woman she is, and the woman she wants to be. She is enchanting, and I can't keep my eyes off of her because as she is presented, she is everything I've ever wanted in a woman on an emotional level, and the fact that she is fictitious makes that much more bittersweet.

And here is where my true freakishness comes out. To me, America Ferrera is more attractive playing that part than she is when she is out of character, though I am sure that as a person, Ferrera has many of the same intellectual and emotional qualities that I find so attractive in that character. Yes, I admit that I do have the geek love in my heart and I always have, whether it was a young Mary Lynn Rajskub as the skittish, geekish Mary Lou(and later on in her role as Chloe on 24) on Larry Sanders to the entire film repertoire of Michelle Meyrink and most of the stuff that Alyson Hannigan has worked on. I mean, how could Jim not fall instantly in love with the geekish glory that was Michelle Flaherty in American Pie is beyond me. And yet, Betty Suarez transcends even that level of casual geekiness and the craziness of the surrounding story week after week to exist as one of the most fleshed-out and deeply moving characters on television today.

I had a meet cute with Betty Suarez... was there any other way it could end?

Note: Now you see why I don't really write those "personal" type posts... be thankful this was a rarity.

Tags: ugly betty, dating, america ferrera, alyson hannigan, meet cute, michelle meyrink, mary lynn rajskub, chloe, 24, larry sanders, television

Barnyard Confessions: A Culture Kills Comic

Made with 100% Strip Generator power

Keeping it creepy as always. ;)

Tags: strip generator, culture kills, comic, animals, babe, hunting, goats, cans, confession, farm

Week 36: Pageant of the Transmundane

We are coming to you live from Pasedena, California. We would have went to Malibu, but the sheriff there told us to keep our gold-bricking ass out of his beach community and after a mug to the head, it seemed like a compelling argument for making our exit.

There were a few good entries this week, and I had to make a tough, tough decision, between two blog entries, each featuring a third party video, but in the end, the unwritten rules of Transmundanity helped me make the decision. So, when I saw a post that Alan at the excellent pop culture blog Burbanked discovered an amazingly fun movie at Ifilm that is speculating about the identity of the next James Bond, and in his own words, it is impossible to be a movie fan and not link to it.

So in honor of this momentous find, I award Alan the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award. Huzzah!



And here is the button that accompanies the award. Congrats Alan!



And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the excellent contribution that Maven made this week with that found video of her own about a crippling disorder called MCT which afflicts 18 million Americans, and the video about it left me in convulsions.

The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Tags: homer simpson, pageant of the transmundane, alan, burbanked, james bond, forrest gump, maven, tom hanks, mashup, maven, parody, commercial

Magazines- Parting is such sweet sorrow

I admit it: I am a packrat when it comes to magazines. I mean, if I buy it, I am keeping it, bucking the trend that the average magazine gets discarded after roughly 29 weeks. Granted, I don't really buy news magazines so they do tend to age a little more gracefully, though my old copies of Wired and those pesky game magazines don't seem so fresh now, though I still wonder what ever happened to the N-Gage.

Looking through old magazines is indeed a window into the past in some odd ways... like when you look at the predictions of how certain things are going to fare. For example, whenever I see one of those articles about an upcoming television series today predicting which shows are going to make it and which ones are doomed, I think back to an October 2000 article in FHM that predicted that Cursed, Hype, The Queen of Swords, Andromeda, Sheena-Queen of the Jungle and Freedom would all have a long and happy life while series like Yes, Dear and C.S.I had questionable prospects for success. The fact that most of the shows I mentioned in the first part of that list would probably draw a 'Huh?' from most people makes my case I think. Or looking through some of my old Alternative Press magazines about the 100 artists you must hear this year and finding that even after years, I still haven't heard of most of the artists they are promoting really shows what a shotgun approach printed prognostication ends up being.

Or in hindsight, you can see all the hype that surrounded a movie that, in the end, is no longer really remembered for anything in particular. I mean, when was the last time you heard anyone talk about the Sweet and Lowdown or The Full Monty. In the end, this kind of backwards perusal of these past phenomenon allows for one to look at things in the long view, though that didn't help me with Snakes on a Plane unfortunately.

Perusing some back issues of some entertainment magazines also lets you see a group of people who will one day become more famous at a moment in time when they are just moving into the spotlight. I recall I have a particular issue of a magazine whose name escapes me that features Jaime Pressley, Kelly Hu, Jon Stewart and I believe Will Ferrell before they all started getting their act together(OK, saying that Hu on In Case of Emergency is getting her act together is stretching it) back in the late 1990's.

But the funniest trip back is still a few issues of "The 'Net" magazine from back in early 1996. This was back in the days when lower speed modems ruled the earth and the costs of net access where prohibitively expensive(if I used the internet then like I do now, my monthly bill would be somewhere in the range of 400 or more dollars.) It was a time when the JPG wasn't king, and when domain names weren't really being used, so almost every page on the internet was exceedingly long and featured at least one or two ~'s. It was a time when the prediction was that Flash/Shockwave would never really become a popular element online because it was so bandwidth intensive. Granted, they did cover Match.com about that time too, so maybe they weren't entirely without merit. I still remember text browsing, so reading about the early versions of this program called Internet Explorer that was about to hit its third version. I wonder whatever happened to it. Hmmm.

It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I finally got around to recycling a box of old video game and computer gaming magazines from the 1980's, and I wonder at what point it is going to feel right to get rid of those 3 boxes of magazines that I keep going to when I want a laugh or a quick vision of the past. Those old Writer's Digests have to be terribly out of date now too.

Tags: alternative press, fhm, the net, csi, andromeda, yes dear, wired, will ferrell, jaime pressley, jon stewart, flash, jpg, writer's digest, match.com, snakes on a plane, full monty

Documentary Changes MPAA procedures

After Super Size Me was released, McDonald's eliminated the Super Size menu items at their restaurants, but claimed that the movie didn't affect their decision.

But yesterday in part because of Kirby Dick's This Film is Not Yet Rated, the Motion Picture Association of America has announced it is changing the way things are done.

The MPAA president Dan Glickman is pushing for changes that will make the system more transparent and ratings easier to challenge by filmmakers.

In the past, filmmakers were not allow to cite other films that featured similar content in defense of their own work, but that will soon be a thing of the past. The make up of the appeals board will also include more members aligned with independent film and not be composed of members of the corporate Hollywood structure.

Additionally, since one of the main arguments of the documentary was the fact that the ratings board was supposed to represent the interests of parents and in more than a few cases, its participants were either not parents or people with grown children, new rules are being put into place to ensure that the panel consists entirely of parents. Demographic information about the panel will also be made available and the identities of the senior members of the board who are the intermediaries between the MPAA and the studios will also be made public.

While this doesn't entirely fix the problems with the MPAA's rating system, it is a great first step, and one I applaud.

Tags: mpaa, this film is not yet rated, appeal, parents, kirby dick, hard-r, glickman, exposure, precedent, challenge, censorship

What if God was one of Us

What if all the problems on earth were not caused by a spiteful deity, or karma, or fate, but just office politics and the Peter Principle?

That is the best introduction I can give for God, Inc., a series of 6 films based on the premise that even in Heaven, you can't escape the Office life. And like every office, well, you have a crazy group of people who at times just don't get along along with a slew of religiously-themed jokes.

It is smart, funny and hip and has a real edge to it, and I can't wait to see where the last two episodes take the series. And just so you don't have to hunt for the show, I've linked to the four already produced episodes.

Episode 1: In the beginning, there was paperwork
Episode 2: The Miracles Department
Episode 3: Who Stole God's Lunch
Episode 4: And Give them an 11AM Deadline on All Species Submissions

Enjoy. :)

Tags: the office, god inc, francis stokes, youtube, joan osbourne, peter principle, comedy, blasphemy

Burning Question: Who would you take on?

I was watching Fight Club last night, and when the scene where Tyler(Pitt) and Jack(Norton) were discussing the famous people they would take in a fight, it got me to thinking about the very same question in a few other variations.

For instance, I had never considered who I would take on in a fight if I had to pick an advertising icon. I mean, there are so many choices, and while someone like the Burger King or Ronald McDonald springs immediately to mind, they just don't seem right for my burning rage. And I admit it would be fun to beat the living crap out of the Pillsbury Dough Boy whilst yelling "Whose laughing now, beeyotch!", but that would still be unfulfilling.

No, the answer came to me in a flash: the owl from those old Tootsie Pop Commercials, that smarmy overly intellectual, conniving ball of feathers. He deserves that beatdown, because I am sure that wasn't the first kid that he conned out of their Tootsie Pop or other valued consumer good. I am sure there are stories about his days teaching at the local school that would also make him a prime candidate for a brutal bird beating. I would wring his scrawny professorial neck, I would, I would and boot that brainiac lollybiter to the curb. That would be some sweet satisfaction.

So, who would you take on and how would that fight turn out?

Tags: tootsie pop, owl, fight club, brad pitt, celebrity, burger king, ronald mcdonald, pillsbury doughboy, burning question

If I was the King of All Media but not Howard Stern

If I could decree a few things across the spectrum of media and have it stick, here's how I would change things:

• If you are a director, you are forbidden from telling your entire narrative in the trailer for your film. Let there be some mystery for the moviegoer when they come to the theatre. An example shall be made of Robert Zemeckis to prove I am serious about this.


• If you are a studio, you must make your film available to critics before unleashing it upon the public. No exceptions.


• You will have to justify your sequels artistically to the general public before you will be allowed to make them. And as the great commenter Diesel pointed out, remakes will definitely have to pass this same sort of test.


• If you run a network and you start making a show that is designed for a short run (13 episodes or less), you will be obligated to finish showing it, even if that means putting it on in a bad time slot. You made the commitment, so you must see it through. If you create a show that is meant to be a full series and it has a continuing serialized format and you want to pull it before the conclusion, you will be obligated to provide the fans with the closure they need. ABC and Fox will be heavily hit by the tribunals for these charges.


• Television shows in production earn clip show and syndication credits for every hour they are shown, and the producers can only make a clip show when they have enough credits, and the stations that buy series for syndication can only show a series a certain number of times a day in a market, because you know what? Everybody doesn't Love Raymond 32 times a day.


• If you are a video game maker, the practice of making certain bonus features available ONLY if you own another earlier or concurrent game will be abolished. If there are other methods of obtaining this material in-game, then having this kind of setup is fine. Expansions and highly-interconnected products(SOCOM on PS2 and PSP for instance) are exempt from this rule. EA will be the game maker who faces the show trial on this.


• If you run a 24-hour news network and you are covering an major event and you aren't getting anything new to report, you will be required to cover other news while you wait for new details. You can use a breaking news crawl to keep people tuning in informed about the story, but until you have something new to add, you just can't dwell on it. Since all stations would be equal under this rule, the requisite loss of ratings that you all fear would likely not occur.


• The Big Radio conglomerates will be forced to allow their disk jockeys to have more choice over what they play and be more accommodating to local artists in their individual markets. They will also not be able to blackmail artists into playing their crappy concerts with the threat that if they don't perform for them, their records will be buried. Clear Channel, you know this is aimed at you.

Of course, these are just a few of the things I would do if I was the absolute monarch of the combined media, and as my loyal readers, I am keen to hear how you would use that same power. If you give me a good suggestion, I will add it to the list with a link to your blog.

Tags: abc, fox, clear channel, radio, robert zemeckis, socom, psp, ps2, electronic arts, howard stern, everybody loves raymond, syndication, clip show, critics, daybreak, serialized drama, expansion, pc gaming

Theatre of the Absurd: A Culture Kills Comic

Special thanks to the good folks at Strip Generator for providing such easy to use tools for a non-artist like me.

I guess I am getting more verbose in my old age.

Tags: culture kills, comic, strip generator, theatre of the absurd, pretentious, iris, francis, critics, copout

Week 35: Pageant of the Transmundane

Welcome to the thirty-fifth weekly awarding of the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award, which means that we are only 17 awards away from the annual awards. Yes, there will be a best-of-the-best ceremony/vote when that time comes for those of you who asked about it.

Now, with that news out of the way, I can continue with this week's award. I found a blog earlier this week called Rodney Anonymous and it was much to my liking. And when I saw his entry that parodied the infamous Dateline NBC To Catch a Predator specials, with a very special perpetrator, well, it had to get the nod this week over some other quality supernatural action.

The whole episode was well done with just a hint of blasphemy, and we all know that a bit of blasphemy tastes better than saffron. I don't know what that means, but it sounded good in my head.

So in honor of this momentous event, a Homer Simpson Transmundanity image of some subtly seemed most appropriate.



Congratulations Rodney for winning this week's award. Here is a button for your site if you want to display this award.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Tags: homer simpson, pageant of the transmundane, to catch a predator, chris hansen, dateline nbc, god, perverted justice, catholicism

My tank is a little empty

I've been dissatisfied with the quality of my posting the past few days, and as such I am going to take a few days off to recharge my creative batteries so to speak.

I am still giving out the Transmundanity award and doing a comic rest assured, but I think taking a break from regular posting until Monday will improve my outlook on this whole thing and perhaps give me some time to do a little research.

As the Bartles and Jaymes spokespeople would say: thank you for your support.

This message will self-destruct... eventually.

Great Final Fantasy Parody: College Saga

If you've ever played a Final Fantasy, then I think you would get a kick out of this little video I stumbled upon today. Put it this way... it is even a little too geeky for me, but it was highly enjoyable nonetheless.

Mark Leung, the director of the College Saga video, has described it as such:

Once upon a time, when Earth was still a beautiful place, an evil force came to turn all living things into Vegetarians.

Three students from suburban Massachusetts would step up against this catastrophe... to end Vegetarian Supremacy.

Mark, Jesús, Maria and their foes would make amazing personal discoveries as the two forces clash.

And so began the ultimate saga about friendship, heritage, sex and explosions.

It has all the elements anyone who has played a Square/Enix role playing game has come to expect from the experience: Overwrought writing, chocobos, at least 2 WTF plot twists, big honking sword, a few pop cultural references and a couple of weird enemies and some epic battles. It is a winner through and through. Leung made a pitch perfect parody... which shows that he is more than a little familiar with the conventions he is mocking.

So if you have 40 minutes and fond memories of Final Fantasy etc, then check out College Saga today.

BTW, I have a feeling that someone from my blogging circle had mentioned this video and I didn't watch it then. I am in no way trying to poach this item from you. If you did mention this within the past week or so, please tell me and I will give you some credit as well.

Tags: college saga, final fantasy, legend of zelda, mark leung, vegetarianism, evil, willy wonka, chocolate, babson college, parody, youtube, square, enix, chocobos, dick cheney, anchorman, video, maria garcia

A Glimpse into Musical Tastes of Days Past

It is funny to get a glimpse of what you were like mentally in the past. Sometimes you get those insights from reading old journal or blog entries, sometimes you get it from looking through papers and tests you wrote in school or flipping through sketchbooks or notepads from your youth, and I've done all those things.

But I never thought an online music service would also provide me with that same kind of image.

You see, I took a break from Launchcast/Yahoo! Music for almost 2 years, and in coming back to the service over the last few weeks, well, I discovered something. I had some weird taste in music back in 2002-5.

For instance, if you would have asked me today about, say, Brazilian music from the 1960's and 1970's, well, I would say it was ok and all, but not something I would actively seek out, nor would I want every fourth song to be that. Yes, I like Astud Gilberto, I admit it, but wow... Tropicalia and Bossa Nova and MPB- Oh my! And of course, that net also pulls in a lot of other fish from the Latin/Spanish-language music community onto the boat with it. It isn't a bad catch mind you, and it is my fault as I had those setting up a little too high back when the algorithm was different.

And do I have to hear a Bread song every time I listen to my station. Yes, I know I can banish the band from my station entirely, but I don't mind hearing them every once in a while, but EVERY TIME I listen to my station. That's too much. And ditto for the Black Eyed Peas. Just because I liked the stuff before Fergie doesn't mean that I've been drinking the koolaid these past few years.

And when did I ever like Prince, Suzanne Vega, Tangerine Dream and Jill Sobule that much? I don't remember rating a lot of his stuff... but apparently I did. In ten thousand ratings, I am sure that a few can get lost, but wow... to lose track of more than a few artists' catalogs that one has evaluated and given preferences to is sort of ridiculous.

I know that if I had continued to listen to my station, ratings would have slowly shifted with the times so I wouldn't be left with something so embarrassing now.

Listening to your old Launchcast station now is sort of like listening to a mix tape you made for yourself many years ago. Yes, you still enjoy most of the songs, but you've moved on and they no longer hold the same magic for you that they once did. It is going to be a long and hard rehabilitation for my station I guess. Then again, if I had left a well-trimmed bush for a couple of years, it would also probably be a little gnarly upon returning to it as well. And like a bush, all it needs to be respectable again is just a few good snips.

Tags: launchcast, psychology, yahoo music, prince, suzanne vega, tangerine dream, jill sobule, bonsai, mix tape, bread, tropicalia, mpb, bossa nova, black eyed peas, fergie

Great concepts: Advertising Icon Museum

I am excited about the opening of a museum in Kansas City devoted Advertising Icons in the Spring of 2008. Not to honor advertising executives like David Ogilvy or Leo Burnett, but rather figures like Mr. Peanut, the Burger King, and Toucan Sam, and if you've been reading my blog for any significant length of time, you know that many of these figures are in a way my nemeses. But even though I am not comfortable with personified food items as advertising spokespeople, I can still appreciate the effort of collecting and categorizing toys and other forms these characters take for future generations to behold.

The whole museum looks rather promising, and just like the sort of place I would like to visit. If it was dedicated merely to kitsch, I could merely appreciate the effort, but it looks like this is going to be a full on celebration of these figures, from the local characters all the way up to the international phenomena, and it looks like great attention is going to be paid to preserving and presenting their context within our society. As a history major and a pop culture enthusiast, I have to appreciate that. The building is also being designed by the esteemed architect Moshe Safdie, which is also a plus.

I have a feeling that when this museum opens, its staff is going to be on a featured on a lot of television news programs through 2008. The expertise they will possess will be very specialized, so they could very well be in demand for many years to come. The museum is a great concept whose time has come, and I for one celebrate its conception and development and I look forward to visiting it at some time in the future.

Tags: advertising icon museum, mr peanut, kansas city, missouri, moshe safdie, kitsch, history, 2008, burger king, toucan sam, david ogilvy, leo burnett

Whence we Came: A Culture Kills Comic

Thrown together with spare parts like a Frankenstein monster with the tools from Strip Generator

Tags: culture kills, comic, strip generator, whence we came, evolution, robots, computer, slacker, resentment

Week 34: Pageant of the Transmundane

Hello from Dog River, Saskatchewan. There is not a lot going on here, so I was in the perfect frame of mind to peruse a lot of blogs this week to find a winner. Well, between filling gas tanks and bussing some tables that is.

This week we were once again graced by another winning entry by Diana Prince over at Bulletproof Bracelets, as she generally finds the best celeb pics around.

What did she discover this week to win this award? Why, it is a picture of Michael Jackson doing yet another inappropriate thing, this time with James Brown. There is a narrow line between being respectful at a funeral and being creepy, and well, Michael Jackson trotted over that 50-yard line and just kept running to the endzone.

It is setting the bar to a nice height for the coming year, and as such, that picture is a winner of the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award.



Congratulations Diana Prince for winning the first award of the new year. Huzzah!



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Tags: homer simpson, pageant of the transmundane, james brown, diana prince, michael jackson, picture, dog river, corner gas, funeral

Projected Story Ideas for Studio 60 in the New Year

If you are planning on watching the show on DVD or if/when it arrives on your nation's airwaves, I would skip this entry as it does contain spoilers regarding things that have already come to pass.

I like the show and all, but I can still admit that yes, it is somewhat silly at times. So in that vein, I thought about some of the possible directions the show could go in. These are meant to be humorous for the fact that they are plausible but unlikely, and in no way do I actually expect these things to happen this season.

• Matt and Danny hire new writers for the room, one of whom is very much the sexual social climber, much to Harriet Hayes' chagrin. The whole arc culminates in a stunt guest appearance by either Steve Martin, Anne Heche or Ellen Degeneres.


• Matt and Danny sit in a darkened bar for an entire episode navel-gazing about the moral implications of pursuing romances where an imbalance of power exists whilst throwing out references to Bismarckian politics, Mark Twain and the Taming of the Shrew.


• A Christian fundamentalist group boycotts the network over a sketch involving a fake commercial for a Jesus bottle opener that turns your bottled water into wine and Harriet Hayes must calm the whole situation down with Biblical materials and a quote from a rather stunning source.


• A guest appearance by Martin Sheen as himself culminates in the line to Danny Tripp (played by Bradford Whitford) that "he looks really familiar, but he can't put his finger on it". This joke could also work with Matthew Perry's Matt Albie with a cast member of Friends, Ricky Gervais and the writer played by Lucy Davis or Nate Corddry and anyone from the Daily Show.


• In the terse control room, the technical staff of Studio 60 battle over whether to launch a tactical strike against 30 Rock.


• Danny, Matt and Jordan discuss the fickleness of the committees that nominate shows for awards.


• Five Words: Jordan McDeere's baby - The anti-Christ


• Simon Stiles is caught in a sex tape scandal. Ratings for the in-series Studio 60 explode. Ratings for the real life Studio 60 do not.


• Ed Asner's Wilson White publicly bickers with Rachael Ray after she claims that he is just a hairy freak with no spunk and darker intentions in mind with that whole Macao deal.

Anyone want to put some odds on variations of any of that stuff happening?

Tags: studio 60, matthew perry, antichrist, bradley whitford, 30 rock, awards, ed asner, rachael ray, bismarck, mark twain, taming of the shrew, sarah paulson, christianity, martin sheen, the office, daily show, anne heche, bowfinger, roman a clef

Culture Kills says Goodbye to The O.C.

I originally watched the pilot of the O.C. for a simple reason: I had seen the previews of the show and they showed the scene of the troubled Ryan Atwood being driven away from the O.C. and passing a girl standing by the side of the road... and I just had to know if that girl happened to be Mischa Barton, who I had enjoyed in the movies Lawn Dogs and Lost and Delirious.

And it was. But once I had confirmed that, well, I got ensnared in the show that was a little too hip for its own good. It was a teen drama that I watched for the mature actors and their story lines... Peter Gallagher, Melinda Clarke, Alan Dale and Kelly Rowan. It was one of those moment that I realized that I had indeed made the transition from being a teenager to an adult. And of course the writers and producers knew what it was, and they played with every convention of the genre. It wasn't groundbreaking stuff to be sure, but it have definitely have style, and for television drama trying to create a buzz, well, that is an ingredient more important than originality or high quality writing. Of course, if you happened to watch first 7 episodes of that first season in quick succession, you can basically see the writers cleaning up the town. The first few episodes it is teenaged Babylon, with nearly every young character drinking to excess, being promiscuous and/or doing drugs... but by episode 8, well, the town is pretty clean. Maybe the writers knew what was coming in the months ahead with Marissa so they wanted to make the contrast between her behavior and that of her peers that much more defined.

Whatever the case may be that first long season was magically both in terms of the storylines and the ratings, and like all television phenomena, it could only go down from there. By that second season, the writers were a little too willing to try to play into their success with a knowing wink to the audience through a Seth Cohen off-the-cuff joke or Sandy Cohen line and because so much had happened in the first 27 episodes, well, there were fewer and fewer places for the show to go and it jumped the shark before that fateful gunshot. But I still wasn't ready to leave the warm embrace of that Newport Beach-Chino corridor just yet.

No, what really did in the O.C. for me was scheduling. Last season I had a choice between watching the quickly declining Fox drama and another failing series, I chose the latter and watched Alias slide down towards an ending, so I am to put it mildly, out of the loop at to the things that are happening in Newport Beach. But from a former fan of the show, I can only imagine how far it has gone down hill from where it once was. So when I heard the series was ending on February 22nd, well, I was not really surprised.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye Cohens, Coopers and the rest of the gang in Orange County. We'll always have "Welcome to the O.C., Bitch!"... though it may be better used now like the ubiquitous "jumped the shark"-- to describe a show that starts off very fast and hot but ends up a shattered wreck in the end. I am sure that we all know of a few shows that are on now that this particular phrase will also apply to.

Tags: the o.c., fox, cancelled, february 22, orange county, newport beach, mischa barton, seth cohen, peter gallagher, melinda clarke, welcome to the o.c. bitch, lost and delirious, lawn dogs, chino, prison break

Remembering "Dog Park"

This is an odd little romantic comedy starring Luke Wilson, Natasha Henstridge, Janeane Garofalo and Kids in the Hall alum Bruce McCulloch. As the title suggests, canines are heavily involved. The story follows Andy (Wilson in one of his first movie roles), a magazine writer who has just been dumped by his girlfriend Cheryl (Kathleen Robertson) and his efforts trying to get over that relationship, and the parallel story of Lorna (Henstridge), who plays a children's show host who has also had bad luck with men. A chance meeting at a bar introduces these two characters and through some clever interconnections involving their friends, their respective chain of doomed relationships and of course, their dogs.

Andy and Cheryl are having a custody issue over his dog Mogli and Lorna's dog Peanut is having a discipline problem, and as such, they both visit Dr. Cavan, a pet psychiatrist, for different reasons. Mark McKinney's performance as Dr. Cavan would have fit quite well in a Christopher Guest movie, and seeing as McCulloch directed this movie, he probably trusted his former castmate to riff in a few of the scenes, and it shows.

Now, this movie was not well received when it was released (Rotten Tomatoes has it at 35% and the IMDB at 4.9/10), but it may be something that you would like. But there is another reason that I am recommending this movie. Ever person I have ever shown this movie can relate to one of the relationship models portrayed in it as something that has happened to them. Plus, there are some really funny KITH references and a nice burn to a relative of one of the major players in the film that can't be missed. It isn't a monument in celluloid I admit, but it is an entertaining way to spend 91 minutes of your life.

Tags: dog park, janeane garofalo, bruce mcculloch, luke wilson, natasha henstridge, mark mckinney, romantic comedy, canadian, kids in the hall, imdb, rotten tomatoes

I have seen the light... wait, I need a light

In accordance with my seventh pop cultural resolution this year, I decided to find a religion that was just tailor-made for me and I think I have found it.



The Church of the Latter Day Dude, a church based on the fundamental principles set forth in the movie The Big Lebowski, and the philosophies, lives and works of other great Dude prophets in the past, like Lao Tzu, Heraclitus and Walt Whitman and present day warriors of the faith like Sarah Silverman, Quincy Jones and Joni Mitchell amongst others.

The Dudeist philosophy is a strange and wonderous thing, and one that is both deep and wide. Allow me to quote from the Duderonomy

As stated in Book 3, Chapter 8

What happens when one fucks a stranger in the ass is not always what one might think will happen, nor what is necessarily fair or just to any of the concerned parties.

And I must always keep Book 1, Ch. 7 in my heart and mind.

Employ comfortable furnishings in your home such as reclining chairs, scented candles, Persian rugs and fanciful mini-bars with ironic posters of former adversaries. Your house is your temple and your temple should be well tied-together.

So, do you think you have what it takes for the life of the bathrobe and flipflops?

Tags: big lebowski, jeff bridges, john goodman, dudeism, the dude, walter sobchak, duderonomy, church of the latter day dude, religion, ordination