RHONY Episode 7 Recap: Thug in a Cocktail Dress

By Sheer Elegance, GTOG Special Guest Blogger

Now we know where this wretched season is leading: to “Exotic, sophisticated, Morocco.” Of course it is. LuAnn has been reading tourism brochures again. Whoever came up with this fakakta idea clearly saw the Sex and the City movie and liked it. Somehow. I’m dubious, but we shall see. I’m only excited about the upcoming trip because we get to see Ramona convulsing on the bed crying like a three year old in an upcoming episode, and that looks pretty promising.


Looking Intensely Forward to Morocco

But this ep is mostly about LuAnn. She is everywhere – bossing and darlinging and pushing Morocco. Has lunch with a sweaty Sonja – fresh from the gym. Fresh from a roll in the hay is more like it -- and LuAnn tells her so like your awkward uncle would. Everyone’s in Italy for truffle season, Sonja says. She is so random.
A toaster oven sighting, bullying, and plastic surgery, after the jump...
LuAnn calls Jill to get her on board for the trip. It's exotic, it's sophisticated, it's like Paris but not. We hear Bawby in the background. Jill’s totally in – not wanting to miss the fun and camera time like she did on Scary Island. Alex of course is available. Kelly doesn’t want to go because she’s scared of Ramona.

LuAnn and Ramona are having tea, which is French in LuAnn’s phrasebook for confrontation. At least when Ramona is nasty to her friends she says it to their faces and not behind their backs like LuAnn. A real philosophical question: is it better to trash your friends to their faces or behind their backs? Discuss. Ramona is upset, and it's clear from her hair in the confessional that her stylist is as well. LuAnn is pious and obnoxious.

Sonja is doing a photo shoot for a toaster oven book. Is this still a thing? Another chance to hire a “celebrity” photographer, more hair and makeup, more panties talk. Sonja shows her vagina accidentally (?) and Kelly says something like, “that just screams toaster oven.” Nice one Kelly.

Screams Vagina?

The brunettes are all in a van going to Canyon Ranch! Cindy didn’t want to invite the blondes. Good for her. This crew is a little more believable as actual friends. Kelly recounts the whole Sonja toaster oven sighting. Seriously, this woman was a model (for PLAYBOY!) and she’s this freaked out by this? Cindy is unimpressed because she works with vaginas everyday. I’m not a gynecologist sayeth Kelly. No my dear, you most certainly are not.

LuAnn’s judgy about Sonja – says she’s hanging out too much with Ramona. Ramona of the drinking problem, a story line that is being edited to death by the Bravo producers.

Kelly and LuAnn are bonding about being single moms. Cindy is looking on sadly when they talk about dating. The sharks, the minnows and the bottom feeders – that’s what Kelly has to deal with. People think she’s so pretty (she says), but they don’t know how hard it is to trust. Kelly opens up about being slapped. The music swells, making a moment that might have been genuine kind of hard to take. LuAnn is moved. They hug.

They arrive at the spa. Jill’s boots are very Aspen in the 80’s, but in an actual 80’s way, not in a 2011 way.
Cindy looks pretty, and I want to be her friend because she takes people on spa weekends and buys them robes from Frette.

LuAnn: Really darling. Never open up a gift in a hotel lobby. Really? She and Sonja have such arbitrary rules.

After a good night sleep, the brunettes go to a drumming workshop with a nice hippie guy from the Berkshires. Jill is talking over him and being a hag. LuAnn has a funny line about large jewelry while drumming. Cindy’s teeth come up again. They drum. This is a fun scene.

Back in NYC, Ramona has rounded up the blondes for an afternoon at the plastic surgeon. It should be noted that Dr. Sharon Guise’s own plastic surgery looks quite good. Alex gets her face shaved and says that now that she’s modeling she should take care of her skin and hair. She allows her giant zit to be filmed so I believe she is correct. Ramona finally cops to getting work done. Duh. Thighs are covered with goo and lasers are applied.

Meanwhile, back at the Canyon Ranch, the brunettes are talking theater. Did you see the “Vagina Monocles?” A wonderful play. The brunettes play slumber party games in their robes and bond. Its nice to see everyone playing nice.

Jill is doing an event to raise money for Bullying Awareness. I wonder if Kelly is mad that Jill stole her issue from last season and made it hers. Ally is home from college and looks pretty. Jill asks Alex’s advice about dealing with Ramona over their fight at Ramona’s wine tasting but wont let her get a word in. Bully. Ramona arrives with a case of wine she intended to donate to the silent auction, but F@#* it, she’ll get the caterer, or the designer’s daughter to crack a bottle for her.

Since the blondes and brunettes are together in the same room, there’s bound to be some friction. They tussle about designers – who can wear whose clothes. Apparently Ramona has been telling designers they can’t dress the other ladies and LuAnn is pissed. LuAnn’s signature is Ungaro, why does she need to bite off Ramona’s designer David Meester? Lu is so beyotchy! Brings up the spa and the fact that none of the girls want to come on the trip because of Ramona. They are scrapping! Alex steps in. OOOH LuAnn is the thug in the cocktail dress! Finally we know. I thought for sure it was going to be Sonja.

The brunettes are excited. Kelly is coming on the trip. OMG. Definitely in her contract.

Models, catwalk, charity event.

Everyone is worried about Ramona’s drinking. Lots of shots of white wine in her hand.

Jill’s stepdaughter gets up to speak about being bullied when she was younger and is very cool and steady and articulate. She has a birthmark on her face, which Ramona points out tactfully by calling her deformed. Jill looks like she might take a swing at her.

Oh Bullying. Let’s take it on the road.

Morocco: Bring it.

xo