GTOG Podcast: Steelers, Redskins, and Hockey Fans in Skinny Jeans

It's another podcast bursting at the seams with hardcore analysis and raw emotion. We touch on the Steelers, the NFL, RG3, the NHL, the Winter Classic, what we'd like 24/7 to be about, the Islanders' move to Brooklyn, hockey fans in skinny jeans, doping in high school girls cross-country races, and Lance Armstrong. It's power-packed. It's the GTOG Podcast.

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Assessing the Pirates and the Rod Barajas Era

By Finesse

We're 26 games in to the Rod Barajas Era, so let's assess how great this signing has been.  For those who don't know, Barajas was the Pirates' big free agent acquisition last November, brought on board for his veteran moxie (he's 36), huge bat (career .236 average), and because someone had to be the catcher.

But if you're going to sit in your ivory tower and judge Barajas's season by his .188 batting average, 3 RBI in 80 at bats (THAT'S RIGHT I SAID 3 RBI IN 80 AT BATS!), 13 RBI pace for the whole season (THAT'S RIGHT I SAID 13 RBI PACE FOR THE WHOLE SEASON!), then I've got news for you.  You don't know jack about Rod Barajas.

No one commands a pitching staff like Rodrigo Richard Barajas.  No one.

Rod F'ing Barajas, bitch.

The Pirates' pitching staff has the 4th best team ERA in the entire league.  That is not a typo.  Many of you still don't think this proves the Barajas-Effect.  You'll point to the fact that last year the Pirates had the 8th best team ERA in the majors heading into the All-Star break, but the 27th best team ERA after the All-Star break (they finished the season 17th overall).  You expect a similar collapse this year.

You Barajas-deniers are forgetting that the Bucs played 8 different catchers last season.  This year, the Pirates have relied on only two catchers -- the rock solid Rod Barajas, and that guy Mike McKenry who hit some unreal game winning home run last June.

But before anyone gets all jazzed up about what McKenry brings to the table offensively, let's put the myth that he's in Barajas's's's league to bed.  The numbers don't lie: McKenry has two-thirds the amount of RBI as Barajas does this season. (2 divided by 3 = 2/3)

So be thankful that Rod Barajas is on the Pirates, but be mindful that Rod Barajas doesn't belong to the Pirates.  Because Rod Barajas belongs to no one.  Rod Barajas belongs to everyone.

Embarajasing

Pirates Opening Day! GTOG's Official 2012 Major League Baseball Preview

By Finesse

We started hearing rumors last night that today was Opening Day in Major League Baseball and these rumors were confirmed this morning.  That means it's time for GTOG's Official 2012 Major League Baseball Preview.

The Pirates are looking to improve on their 72-90 finish last season and they showed that they're serious about turning this thing around with two big offseason acquisitions.  First, they brought in 36-year old catcher Rod Barajas.  You simply can't put a price tag on the impact an aging catcher who hit .230 last season can have on a franchise.  (Oh, it's $4 million?).

Rod Barajas, commanding his Men.

Then in December the Pirates brought back fan favorite Nate McLouth.  McLouth was a Pirate from 2006-2008, and he actually made the All-Star team and won a Gold Glove in 2008.  Naturally, the Pirates traded him to Atlanta for Jeff Locke, Charlie Morton and Gorkys Hernández. With the Pirates, Locke went 0-3 with a 6.48 ERA in 2011 and begins this season in AAA Indianapolis.  Charlie Morton begins the season on the Disabled List.  Gorkys Hernandez is starting the year in the minors and has never had a major league at bat.

The pride of Altoona, Gorkys Hernandez!

Meanwhile, in 250 games over three seasons with Atlanta, McLouth batted .229 with 21 total home runs.  He called his decision this offseason to sign a one-year deal with the Pirates for $1.75 million a "no brainer."

So YES, what I am telling you is that the Pirates now have McLouth AND all the guys he was traded for!

With these moves, Vegas is bullish on the Pirates, setting their over under for wins at 73.  This would just surpass the 1996 Chicago Bulls for best single-season record of all time.

Seven things you didn't know about the Pirates, and our predictions, after the jump...


- Here are 7 things you didn't know about the Pirates:

1. There are no Laroches on the roster this season.
2. Pedro Alvarez struck out just as you started reading this.
3. I have a vague recollection of someone drafting Erik Bedard in a fantasy baseball league 4 years ago.
4. Despite causing mass confusion, Clint Barmes will not be changing the spelling of his last name to Barnes.  "I play for the Pirates for God's sake," Barmes said.  "Who gives a shit?"
5. The letter J is 3.86% of the alphabet, but 32% of the Pirates have names that start with J.
6. The average weight of the Pirates' outfield is 191 pounds.  That seems low.
7. Pedro Alvarez just struck out again.

And again :(

- What does Artistry think of the Buccos this year?

Everyone on Pittsburgh radio is predicting 70-80 wins for the Bucs this year. Ron Cook, daring to be different, predicts 90-95 losses. You can just feel the electricity in the air. At about noon today, I'll walk over the Clemente Bridge to PNC Park. I will think about how long it's been since I watched an entire Pirates game. I will think about how last year at this time, I was so certain Andrew McCutchen would never sign an extension here. I'll think about Erik Bedard and A.J. Burnett and how I considered drafting them in fantasy baseball like 6 years ago. And I'll think about Clint Hurdle, and how he seems like a nice fellow. Then I'll get to the stadium and meet up with some guys who are genuinely excited about all of these things. I'll listen to them, and I'll watch them cheer. I may clap. I'll have a beer. Then I'll hope, for everyone's sake, that Pedro Alvarez at least makes contact. 

Predictions: If Pedro makes contact: 78-84. If Pedro whiffs: 72-90.

- What does the Pirate Prediction Formula say?

Last year we debuted the GTOG Pirate Prediction Formula and it was only 12 games off the Pirates actual win-total of 72. (Hint: we took the under).  I've made some adjustments to the formula this season.  As usual, we start by plugging in the Pirates' goal of 81 wins.  Then, we let math take over.

- The Charlie Morton-effect: Subtract 6. 

- Possibility that McCutchen, Tabata, and Walker are decent this year: Add 5.  

- Legitimate possibility that Alvarez will strike out 300 times: Subtract 4. 

- Clint Hurdle being a nice guy: Add 4.  

- Charlie Morton-effect part 2: Subtract 4.  

- Nate McLouth 2.0: Subtract 5 

- Bob Walk explaining Barajas signing, saying "he calls a great game:" Subtract 1 

- Confidence gained from being .500 in July last year: Add 7 

- Confidence lost from finishing 18 games under .500: Subtract 7 

- Wait? Charlie Morton's ERA was under 4 last year?: Add 4 

- Opening the season with 3 games against the Phillies: Subtract 3

TOTAL: 71-91

Bucco Fever!

Don't worry, you can believe this year! #JerryMealsSaysItsSafe

GTOG's Top 12 Posts of 2011

By GTOG Staff

In the spirit of the end-of-year-tradition of letting our earlier work this year do our work for us now, here are 12 of our top posts/moments, etc. from the past year.  There are a lot more than 12 here.  Basically, they're things we think you may be interested in reading again.

Thank you, everyone, for a great 2011.

12. Summing up Steigerwald-Lambert-gate

Ryan Lambert from Puck Daddy went toe-to-toe with John Steigerwald about Alex Ovechkin, women with mustaches, and some really unfunny reference to Sidney Crosby being a vampire.  We shamelessly injected ourselves as the voice of reason.

11. Steelers Lose the Super Bowl

Aaron Rodgers' epic performance, Rashard Mendenhall's devestating fumble, and why we weren't that upset.

Top 10 after the jump...

10. Sushi with Hilary Duff

The song speaks for itself.

9. The Crosby Concussion

If something about Crosby's concussion is on our Top lists for 2012, then we won't have a blog anymore. We have no desire to re-read any of these posts, and can't imagine why you would want to, but for the historical record, here is:

- Our Winter Classic recap
- Get To Our Postgame from the Hedman hit, where we wrote, "One negative from this game is only one point from Sid."
- Crosby's initial concussion diagnosis
- The Sequelae

8. The Rebecca Black podcast

About as thorough of an analysis of a bad song as you can get.  It's Friday.

7. Pushing the Capitals' buttons 

Tampa sweeps the Caps ... but the Caps win the Cup in Pittsburgh a few months later

6. Ted Leonsis' Wars on Hearing and Counting

Speaking of the Caps, Ted Leonsis took great offense when we criticized his arena scoreboard for being too loud.  What ensued was pettiness of a degree that could only be achieved by Mr. Leonsis.  For the record, it's probably still way too loud.  Unleash the fury.

A few months later, we asked whether he fudged sellout numbers for something called the Baltimore Hockey Classic.

5. Never Say Never movie review

What happens when two grown men sit alone in an abandoned movie theater watching a documentary about Justin Bieber?

4. The Pens are eliminated

After a regular season nightmare, the Pens went out with a whimper against Tampa and we had all angles covered, with instant reaction and a classic GTOPG.  With a few more days to decompress, we graded the forwards and the defense.

3. When the Walls Came Down

Nothing brings out the raw emotion at GTOG quite like the Bachelor and Bachelorette.  We were there for every contrived twist and turn, whether it was Brad declarative sentences or Ashley's insufferable insecurities.

Brad's season

- Previewing the Ladies of Brad Womack
- Artistry spoke for GTOG while Finesse was embedded with real ladies
- Brad wants so badly to be affectionate with you. Ok.
- When the show moves to some exotic location for repelling, we asked, What is the Island?
- The Women Told All, we may have been the only people listening.
- Wall-to-wall coverage of the Finale, with a preview podcast, a reaction podcast filled with some of the rawest emotion you've ever heard, and some final follow up thoughts on Chantal's heartbreak.

Ashley's season

- Recapping the second episode
- We lose our composure after we are overcome with raw emotion on this podcast
- Written reaction and raw emotion that can only be summoned by one of the most shocking episodes ever

- A scrapbook chronicling JP's fairy tale and Ben's devastation
- A raw emotion podcast from the maternity ward

2. Penn State

On Penn State, Joe Paterno, and how we react to scandals

1. GTOG Nation Welcomes Artistrette

Nothing says 2011 like the arrival of the newest member of GTOG's family.

Happy New Year!

Pirates make huge splash; sign 36-year old catcher who hit .230 last year

By Finesse

Nothing gets the juices flowing in mid-November quite like the Pirates' annual foray into the bowels of free-agency.  Yesterday, the Bucs put the league on notice that absolutely nothing has changed by agreeing to a one-year deal with 36-year old catcher Rod Barajas, who is coming off a season in which he hit .230, only slightly below his career average of .238.  He did have 16 home runs in only 98 games, which is really impressive considering that would have tied him for second on the Pirates with Garret Jones, who only needed 148 games to reach the magical 16-homer mark.

We're almost positive this is Rod Barajas

If for some reason this signing does not excite you, maybe you'll feel better knowing just how much the Pirates and Barajas need each other.  As he told the Associated Press,

"They were aggressive.  They gave me the feeling they really wanted me to be a part of their team. They played good baseball for four months last season and showed a lot of improvement. I thought this would be a good situation to be in."

Smart guy.  The Pirates did play well for four months.

Pirates Still Lead the League in Lowering the Bar

By Artistry

Pittsburgh sports fans usually demand excellence.  The Steelers have 6 Super Bowl trophies?  We think they should have 7 or 8.  The Penguins won a Stanley Cup with Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin?  They better win a couple more.  Jamie Dixon's hair is now a fixture in the Sweet 16?  Let's see that body and sheen in the Final Four.  It's this kind of mentality, this competitive pride, that has for many of us made it so difficult for so long to even acknowledge the "efforts" of our Pittsburgh Pirates.  There is nothing lovable about having the longest losing streak by anybody ever. 

With the caveat that we really do admire the diehards who stuck with the team through two decades of near hopelessness - we diehard Penguins fans know suffering, too - the resurgent optimism surrounding the Pirates never entirely made sense to us, and the reaction to news this week that the Bucs just signed the statistical equivalent of a 40-year-old Kenny Lofton to a possible 9-year contract really has us puzzled.

That's a lotta Tabata.

Jose Tabata is a fine player, from what I understand. It's swell that he likes Pittsburgh and signed a very team-friendly deal. And it's nice that we haven't already traded him to the Cubs for a AA league back-up catcher.  But anybody celebrating this news is looking at the wrong headline.  You should be looking at the one that says, "Compromise will be key to McCutchen deal."  Andrew McCutchen is far and away the Pirates' best player, there is no way he is going to "compromise" his ability to command an enormous contract, and - here is the real key - Neil Huntington knows it.

"Andrew McCutchen is certainly a great young player in the making," the PPG quotes Huntington as saying. "We hope to keep him here many, many years into the future. But, if we're not able to find common ground, we've still got many years left with Andrew."

Inspiring stuff. We don't even need to break out the GTOG translator for this, do we?  There is no chance - zero - that McCutchen is a Pirate after his contract expires in 2015.* He'll likely be gone in a trade before then. That's not Huntington's fault, and it's not McCutchen's. That's baseball in the 21st century. Unless and until Bob Nutting sells to Ron Burkle, the best the Pirates can hope for is periodic quasi-contention. There has never been any sign - regardless of how much the team is spending on draft picks - that these Bucs will pay real superstar money to anybody.  So please spare us the pep talk about how great things will be before the next great inevitable disappointment.


Bye.

* I really, really hope I'm wrong. I'm not wrong.

Wake Up With GTOG: The Law of Averages

By Finesse

When the Pirates were in first place just 3 weeks ago, the enthusiasm was through the roof.  Now that the Bucs are 10.5 games out of first place and falling off the face of the Earth, people are scrambling for answers.  Here are three popular reasons people are throwing around for why the Pirates are suddenly playing like ... the Pirates.

1) The Schedule. There's no question that the Pirates have had a brutal schedule during their recent 4-16 stretch (Cardinals, Braves, Phillies, and Giants, with the Brewers and Cardinals coming up next).  But they also got swept by the Cubs (.422 winning %) and were outscored 11,465 to 7 by the Padres (.436 winning %).   No one was blaming the schedule when the Pirates went 6-4 against the Nats, Astros and Cubs at the beginning of July.

2) Clint Hurdle. In the past 20 games, the Pirates have lost 3 in extra innings, and had we stayed up to watch, we may have found reasons to question some of the moves that Clint Hurdle made in those games.  But it isn't Hurdle's fault that the Pirates have virtually no power at the bat or on the mound -- 23rd in homeruns (and falling), and an astounding 28th in strikeouts.  Managing is a lot easier if the Pirates don't go 17 innings in a row without scoring during the infamous 19-inning loss to the Braves.

3) Jerry Meals. Speaking of that game, some have started saying that Jerry Meals' brutal call at home plate has somehow jinxed the Pirates and caused their downward spiral (the Pirates are 2-13 since that game).  If this is the actual reason for the Pirates' downfall, it's also the most disturbing.  When a historically bad call happens, good teams move on.  Bad teams feel sorry for themselves and file a formal complaint with the MLB that serves no purpose other than to provide an outlet to whine.  Selig wasn't reversing the ending of the game so harping on it for several days like the organization did served only to foster a "man, aren't we unlukcy" mentality.  Of course MLB knew the call was bad -- they didn't need the Pirates to remind them.

#jerrymealssaysitssafe

So, why are the Pirates fading?  The law of averages.  The hitter's numbers are settling where they should and, more importantly, so are the pitching numbers.  Over the course of 162 games, things tend to fall where they should.

Though we are optimistic about the future, we have to remember: These are the Pirates.  Our walls will stay up.

Jerry Meals Tapped as New Secretary of Department of Homeland Security

By Artistry

Busy morning. Word is someone may have blown a call last night.

- What a terrible, terrible break for the Pirates. Losing in 19 innings to the Braves on a brutal call the worst call ever and dropping even a half game at the top of the airtight NL Central standings is every bit as frustrating as people are making it out to be.  But take a step back.  The Pirates didn't score for the last 17 of those innings.  They'll pick up a bat at the deadline, but it won't be Barry Bonds circa 2001, and if we're being honest with ourselves, that's about what it would take to make these Bucs even close to a legitimate threat to win a championship.  It also wouldn't make any sense to swing a major deal.  We're building something here.  Piece by piece.  It's like I tell my two-year-old when he tries to stuff an entire slice of pizza that's as big as his head into his tiny mouth:  " Be patient. It's not going anywhere. And there's more coming."

Not my kid. But I would probably cut that up for him.

- No idea how the reported 4-year Ike Taylor deal will look for the Steelers in 2014, and we don't know the dollar figures, but it's hard to imagine how they could have let him walk.  Not with receivers around the NFL lining up to buy a ticket to Gay Island.

- The next order of business for the Steelers is rumored to be offensive lineman Willie Colon.  But rumors are dangerous.  GTOG briefly posted an item on Tuesday based on a Dejan Kovacevic retweet of some other dude at the Trib who speculated that Scott Brown was reporting that Ben Roethlisberger was already lamenting the loss of one of "my guys" or, as it's known at GTOG, the "Colon cleansing."  Then the tweet disappeared.  We have no clue what's going on.  Willie could be at Tessaro's with Dan Rooney and Mike Tomlin celebrating a new contract extension with the Steelers. Or he could be with Ken Wisenhunt in Arizona because that's where ex-Steelers go to be ex-Steelers before they come back to be Steelers again the next season.  Here's what we do know:

1) People that watch offensive linemen say Colon is one of the best there is. We don't watch offensive linemen.  Unless they're Doug Legursky.

2) Willie didn't play last season. He played the season before, and the o-line was terrible. And he was Ben's wing man that one time in Georgia. Band of Brothers, indeed.


"Honestly? You're Not That Great of a Wing man."

- Brett Keisel also appears to be terrified of James Harrison. "I'm sure James would never say what he said.  Sometimes what James says gets misinterpreted as something that was said," said Keisel.

- The Jets reportedly signed former Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes to a 5 year, $50 million contract that gives Holmes the most guaranteed money of any wide receiver.  Ever.  Holmes is really good receiver, and an exceptional player in the biggest moments.  But you're going to guarantee $24 million to a guy that couldn't even stick with a team that tolerates, say it with me, a potentially homophobic rage-a-holic linebacker, a possibly reformed but still largely insufferable alleged sexual predator but now very publicly married QB, an alleged drunk driver, and a Bin Laden apologist?  Hey, it's your money.

An Open Letter to Non-Bandwagon Pirates Fans

By Artistry

Dear Long-Suffering Pittsburgh Pirates Fans:

We notice you are feeling pretty good about yourselves these days, and undertstandably so.  Finally, you are getting your due.  At long last, you are being recognized for your resilience and your unwavering loyalty to the Buccos.  You have endured 18 straight losing seasons, and now when you walk down the street people feel obliged to stop what they're doing and applaud as if you're returning from duty in Afghanistan.  Richly deserved.  You are members of very, very, very exclusive club:  the Non-Bandwagon Pittsburgh Pirates Fans.

Big Hand.

Just to be clear, we at GTOG are not qualified for membership.  It's possible blog co-founder Finesse has never made it through the sixth inning of a baseball game.  I can't say for sure.  The peak of my Pirates fanhood probably came in about 1986, when Johnny Ray was the team's best player, we were awed by the power hitting potential of one Mike Diaz and encouraged by the promise of a fresh-faced Bob Kipper.  Seriously, those were my guys. 

Childhood Hero

The Bucs' string of early 90's success coincided with my college years, there was no baseball package available at that time, and so my fanhood actually diminished a bit during that stretch.  Does this make me a pre-Non-Bandwagon Non-Bandwagon fan?  I don't know.  It doesn't matter.  Because this day is about you. 

Think about what you have accomplished.  Instead of doing something to make yourself happy, learning a new language, or curing cancer, you watched some 26,000 innings of losing baseball.  You refused to acknowledge that the sport was actually better with steroids and cocaine.  You talked yourself into guys like Bobby Hill and Andy LaRoche, even as the Yankees were throwing $20 million at utility players.  And here we thought we were making an entirely rational and completely justifiable position not to pay attention to any of it.* 


WHYGAL?

Now, as we look for a seat on the Bandwagon with the understanding that we are still not obligated to watch an entire game, we ask for your indulgence.  Don't dismiss us out of hand.  We know we need to earn our seat at the table.  Kindly show us the patience you usually reserve for Pedro Alvarez when he is batting .208.  Open your hearts.  Embrace the fact that we're asking you what the score was last night when it's possible the team didn't even play.  Invite us over to watch a game.  We'll bring beer, and we'll almost definitely be late.

Respectfully Submitted,
GTOG

* We were busy watching the Penguins lose like 200 games in four seasons pre-Crosby.

"I will whip this Snuggie off right now and come over there and smack your mahth!"

By Finesse

The Pirates are in first place. It's a good day.

In other news, I've already said "smack your mahth!" 47 times this morning.

Wake Up With GTOG: Shock and Awe

By Finesse

We feel the same way about this as we do after an episode of the Bachelorette: vulnerable, confused, excited, eager yet guarded, naked, reticent but verbose, optimistic, pessimistic and, above all, impassioned.

Huge Bachelorette episode tonight.  Arguably the biggest of the season.  We'll be there for you with a new Raw Emotion Podcast.

OK, We're On Board. Go Pirates.

By Finesse

Call us whatever you want.  Let's Go Bucs.

Happy Anniversary to Us: How Do You Measure, Measure a Year?

By Artistry and Finesse

It's been quite a Journey. On June 14, 2010, two men who were in the habit of starting the work day by sending each other unusually passionate and detailed emails about Pittsburgh Penguins games first decided to publish their thoughts for the world to see. It was a momentous occasion, marked by our parents calling us, ostensibly to "check in," but really to confirm that we were still employed. 365 days and 555 blog posts later, gettoourgame.com* has more than earned its reputation as the most trusted news magazine on the Internet. Is that a bold statement? Of course it is. But look at the facts:

GTOG Facebook followers as of 6/14/2010: 0
GTOG Facebook followers as of 6/14/2011: 94**

Just one year ago, this was only a dream.

Those numbers don't lie. GTOG is gaining followers at a rate of .25 people per day. There's a good chance that, as you read this post, someone's right leg is liking GTOG on Facebook. But the numbers - as powerful as they are - tell only a fraction of the story. How did this website, which grew from deceptively humble beginnings, become the first stop in the morning for scores of people looking for shrewd and original coverage of everything from hockey to reality television?

For a look back at Year 1, read on after the jump...
It was May 2010. In a horrifying upset, the Penguins had just been bounced from the playoffs by Montreal, and we were licking our wounds. Some people in moments of despair turn to comfort food or seek solace in a bottle of whiskey; we tend to read the Pittsburgh Post Gazette sports section on-line as we eat comfort food and drink whiskey. And so it happened that on May 25, 2010 (fitting date), Artistry sent an email to Finesse with the subject "A record that may never be broken," and containing the following message: "11 rhetorical sentences in [Ron] Cook's column today."***

We had too much time on our hands that week, and there was something inside of us that needed to find expression.  So Artistry did what any reasonable and ambitious professional with an advanced degree would do -- he turned every Ron Cook column into a poem. "Could we do this all day?" Artistry wrote in response to a flurry of poems from Finesse and our cohorts Poise and Eloquence. "I'm thinking yes."

Last known picture of Artistry.

On June 8, Finesse took things to another level, writing, "I just had 25 free minutes so I wrote my own Cook article. This is the most fun I've had since I've been a lawyer. 25 minutes, 883 words." Then we all started doing it. There was this explosion of creative energy centered, ironically, around Ron Cook. On June 14, Finesse figured out how to publish the timeless masterpiece entitled, "Writing a Ron Cook Column 101," followed by the first examples of "Ron Cook Poetry," and before he retired to bed on that fateful night, he sent an email that said so little, yet so much: "Two posts are up. Not really sure of next step."

It turned out that the next step involved a lot more of the same, until we realized it's tough to sustain a blog writing 400 word poems based on terrible 800 word columns.  So we did what any reasonable people who have a direct financial incentive to blog less and work more would do.  We started writing fake emails to ourselves and responding to them on the site.  We came up with a cool site design.  We joined Facebook.  We joined Twitter.  We had a "meeting" over beers.  We spent hours studying the pool of 2010 NHL unrestricted free agents.****  We were pot committed.

In the weeks and months that followed, we came to see the site as a metaphor.  A metaphor for life, love, fear, the universe, and the Bachelorette.  GTOG sometimes goes in directions you don't expect, that you couldn't expect, and that you may not want.  Yet wherever you go, there's GTOG.  You get out of GTOG what you put into GTOG.   GTOG takes commitment.  GTOG hurts sometimes.  GTOG can take your breath away.  GTOG may obstruct the rest of your life.  GTOG is vast and unknowable, yet accessible.  GTOG tears down walls, guards and protects hearts, and gives blessings.  But GTOG is not a Destination.  GTOG is a Journey.

"That was beautiful."

That chill that just went down your spine is what happens when someone expresses in words certain emotions that you thought you could only feel.  You're welcome.  Let's take a look back at some of the highlights of Year 1:

- We were all over NHL free agency and the NHL trade deadline, and we'll be your go-to site for the NHL again in 2011-12.

- In July 2010, we let down our walls and started recapping the Bachelorette on ABC.  Listen, we were vulnerable.  What else were we supposed to do?  It's not like we could sit through a whole Pirates game.  Funny thing is, we have no regrets.  By letting down our walls, we learned valuable lessons from Bachelor Pad, got hooked on the Bachelor, and gave you pure, naked emotion in our Raw Emotion podcasts.

- We gave you an epic NHL preview in not one, not two, not three, but four parts.  After the season, we graded the defensemen.  And the forwards.

- We covered every Penguins game.  Every single one.  And of course, every episode of HBO 24/7. 

A privilege, not a right.

- We gave you perspective.  On Marc Andre-Fleury.  On Dan Bylsma.  On the entire Penguins team.  And we didn't shy away from controversy.

- We gave you podcasts on a variety of topics, ranging from the unlistenable to the sublime.

- We made fun of Ted Leonsis, Lebron, Alex Ovechkin, Lebron, Rick Malambri, bad Penguins, Rashard Mendenhall, and LeBron.

Got us more hits from Jakarta than you could imagine.

- We gave you inside Hollywood scoop.  Then we gave you some more.  Then we had sushi with Hilary Duff.

- We covered every Steeler game.  Every single one.

- We became Beliebers, and belieb us when we tell you, we got down on Fridays.

Some nobel laureates haven't accomplished that much.

Doesn't get down on Fridays.

Joking aside*****, we're proud of this site.  Not because we have a spiffy new background, or because we think we're such an authority on sports and pop culture******, or because we made $13.50 in advertising revenue this year.*******  No, we're proud of GTOG because every once in a while, someone will let us know we made them laugh, or email us from Thailand to say, hey, thanks for keeping me up to speed on Pens games, or leave a comment on Facebook that "Yes!" she can't wait to listen to the Bachelorette Raw Emotion podcast.  Those things matter.

We don't know what the next year will bring.  There will be a new baby, and maybe a new job or two.  Finesse may date Shawntel from the Bachelorette, but most things are hard to predict with certainty.  There is really only one thing we can say for sure.  One thing we know.  One thing that's ours.  One thing that's yours.  Please, say it with us.  GTOG.



* We'd like to make this much easier on everyone and change the domain name to GTOG.com; however, some cyber-squatter has thus far foiled our plans.

** Only like 8 of these people are members of our families.

*** If you think we're paying $2.95 to dig this Ron Cook column out of the PPG archives, you're nuts.

**** We would have done this anyway.

***** We're not joking.

****** We totally are.

******* That may be an exaggeration.

Wake Up With GTOG: The Pirates, The Bruins, and The Dormont Pool

By Finesse

For those of you who don't know, and that's everyone except for me and Artistry, today is the one-year anniversary of GTOG.  We will celebrate ourselves fully, completely, and with our whole hearts later today, but until then...

- The Pirates are not bad.  The starting pitching is legitimately good and the closer, Joel Hanrahan, has left the great Dejan Kovacevic speechless. We aren't really sure what to make of this, given that we spent the preseason  holding a daily Twitter contest in which I took one real Pirate name and then made up another name and asked you, the fans, to figure out which was real and which was fake.

More than the courtesy Pirate on your fantasy team.

- The Canucks failed to show up for the third time in Boston, getting blown out of the building in the first period before settling in to a 5-2 loss.  So far, we've learned the following from these playoffs:

1) Vancouver is good, but also kind of a joke.

2) He could have 11 straight shutouts, save a child from a burning building, and spend his offseason adopting three-legged dogs and I still could never like Tim Thomas.

3) The December 2010 Penguins would be on their fourth straight day of swimming with the Cup in Mario's pool if, you know...

4) Pens fans seem to be rooting for Boston which, to me, is confounding.  It would be patriotic to root for the Bruins if their players were all American but the most prominent American on their team is Tim Thomas and that's a non-starter here at GTOG.  As a Penguins' fan, it's difficult to root for anyone from the Eastern Conference, especially an organization that thinks it was one Ulf Samuelsson hit on Cam Neely away from winning the Cup in 1991 and 1992 (nevermind that the Pens went on to absolutely humiliate the Bruins in 8 straight Wales Conference Championship games).

- According to LeBron James, today is the day that people in Cleveland must get back to their personal problems.  Sorry Cleveland.  Hope you enjoyed Monday.

- Why do people hate Roberto Luongo so much?

- Within a 2-week period, people from Mt. Lebanon saw the opening of the Dormont Pool and Mark Cuban win an NBA Championship.  That's living the dream.

Wake Up With GTOG: Some Random Stories

By Finesse

So much going on.

- Tampa forced a Game 7 against Boston with an exciting 5-4 victory last night.  We have found ourselves overwhelmingly rooting for Tampa, and even for Martin St. Louis, who has been a consistent killer of the Pens but has emerged as our tiny little hero.  Usually we hate teams that eliminate the Pens, but Tampa handled it well, was a better team, and was relatively un-annoying, because the only thing they did that bothered us -- Ryan Malone taking penalties -- actually should have been to the Pens' advantage.



- Scott McCreery won American Idol.  That's likely the last time we will be writing about Scott McCreery.  At what point is that show going to realize what is happening and split into Blue State Idol and Red State Idol?  Not saying that one is better than the other, but there are trends developing.

- Sike, we actually have one more thing to say about McCreery.  We love his fashion sense.  A tuxedo jacket, a hemp necklace with a cross on it, a skin-tight undershirt from Express Men, a belt from Cracker Barrel, and the Wranglers from the Brett Favre commercials.  Artistry is wearing the same thing to work today.

- Not that we sit around wondering "what-if" all day, but Artistry and I are currently in a debate about whether to put the asterisk before or after the team name for whichever team wins the Eastern Conference.  What looks better?  *Boston Bruins or Boston Bruins*

- The Dallas Mavericks eliminated the Oklahoma City Thunder last night to win the Western Conference and advance to the NBA Finals.  If they should end up playing Miami, it gives Mark Cuban and Dirk Nowitzki a shot at redemption for blowing a 2-0 lead in the 2006 Finals to the Heat in what many feel was a referee aided comeback for Dwyane Wade and the Heat.  Was the officiating bad?  Probably.  But because of it, the first ticky-tack call in favor of the Heat raises a realistic possibility of the first live head explosion ever aired by ESPN.  We can't say we aren't excited.

- In the least surprising story of the day, another ex-Ohio St. football player said he sold his football rings for cash.  Snore.  Cue the chorus of, "we have to pay these players!" While paying college athletes may make sense on some levels, it could actually cause even more problems.  Are you going to pay the 80th man the same as the star quarterback?  How is that any more fair than paying neither?  And if you are going to pay different players different amounts, then won't players just go to the highest bidding team?  Aren't they already getting paid with a scholarship?  What about Title IX?  How can a school like Indiana - which has laughable attendance at football games - compete against a money-making machine like Ohio St. if, in addition to the on-field advantages OSU has, they can also pay more?  [Oh wait, you don't care?  Ok, nevermind.]

- Pirate fever:

- And finally, follow us on Twitter.

Wake Up With GTOG: Tampa doesn't suck, but the Pirates might

By Finesse

Sometimes we get it wrong here at GTOG, though when we do, we find ways to point out that we were actually right.  For example, we famously pronounced that "Tampa Sucks" but, in the same article, stated emphatically that Tampa was no less than a 50-50 shot to eliminate the Pens.  Well, turns out we were right -- Tampa doesn't suck.

They handled the Bruins on Saturday in the same fashion that they escaped the Pens and manhandled the Caps -- by burying their chances, getting solid goaltending, and playing extremely well with the lead.  The popular talking point about the Lightning is that they play the trap once they get up on you, but it's a far different feeling than it was playing against the trap of the Devils back in the days when Martin Brodeur's sister in-law was only his sister in-law.  Against the Devils, they were happy to get up 1-0, and then win 1-0.  With Tampa, they get up 1-0 (or 3-0 in the case of Saturday), and then make it extremely difficult for you to score, while still possessing the quick strike ability to build on their lead. Needless to say, that's a potent recipe for success in the post-season.

Unlimited pics on the internet of Tampa celebrating

We unfortunately did not use the opportunity of our most recent podcast to go on the record with our predictions for the NHL Conference Finals (which we formulated in our minds before the respective Game 1's, we promise).

Finesse: Tampa in 6; Vancouver in 7.
Artistry (with analysis!!): I'll stick with my San Jose prediction, even though it doesn't look good this morning. The Lightning are the hottest team in the league right now. You're welcome, Tampa Bay. Boston has always been overrated. Would love to see Boston/SJ Jose for the Thornton storyline, but it won't happen.  Tampa in 6, San Jose in 7.

- In these cynical times, what would you think if I told you that a major league baseball player hit 16, 15, 15, and 13 home runs from 2006-2009 respectively, and then hit 54 home runs in 2010 and is on pace to hit 81 home runs in 2011?  Hmmm.  If you were the player involved, you'd attribute this remarkable increase in productivity to the other team throwing you strikes, which is like a marathoner saying he is breaking marathon records because they keep organizing marathons.  Throwing strikes is what the other team is supposed to do, so excuse us, Jose Bautista, if we sense there might be other factors.  We're not sayin', but we're just sayin'.

Got strikes in Pittsburgh, too...

- How 'bout those Buccos?!  They went from 18-17 to 18-22 before you even had time to figure out how to pronounce Kevin Correia's name.

- Everyone wants to know our take on the Derek Boogaard death, which is odd because we wonder how we are supposed to have an opinion on something when absolutely no facts have been released.  There is no need to rush to judgment, opinion, or speculation when a 28-year old passes away.  We'll sit tight on this for now.

Pirates Opening Day!!! GTOG's Official 2011 Major League Baseball Preview

By Finesse and Artistry

Finesse:  It was with a strange mixture of complete shock and overwhelming indifference that you and I found out just this morning that today is the start of another baseball season.  So far in 2011, our baseball coverage has been limited to breaking down the legal philosophies of the phlebotimist on the Barry Bonds jury and playing our daily "Guess The Real Pittsburgh Pirate" competition, in which we Tweet out two names, and leave it to our fans to decide which one is on the Pirates and which one is completely made up.  But now that Opening Day is upon us, don't you think that we owe it to the people to give our perspective on the 2011 season?

Artistry:  Considering that we feel we owe it people to give our perspective on the Real Housewives of New York City, I'm going with "Yes."  Already there is reason for optimism today, as team officials revealed that the Pirates have pulled their 25-man roster's total payroll to within $162,863,389.00 of the New York Yankees.  Pirates president Frank Coonelly says bonuses and "other variables" could shrink that number to as little as $156,738,389.00 by season's end.  Progress.  I think on the field the question on everyone's mind is how will the Philadelphia Phillies match up against our starting rotation of Kevin Correia, Paul Maholm, Ross Ohlendorf, Charlie Morton, and James McDonald.


James McDonald?

Finesse:  Any time the Pirates' opening day starter is coming off a 10-10 season with a 5.40 ERA, you can be sure of one thing: he didn't pitch for the Pirates the previous year.  Because if he had, he'd be coming off a 1-11 season instead.  I don't know about you, but I'm excited that the Pirates were able to sign Kevin Correia, a 31-year old pitcher who has won 34% of his career starts.  I imagine that the Yankees and Red Sox were showing tons of interest.  Huge coup by the Buccos, don't you think?

Artistry:  Kevin Correia sells tickets.  I think it's striking that Correia compiled his 5.40 ERA in San Diego, one of the best pitchers' parks in baseball.  Thank goodness our bullpen is so strong.

More Buccos analysis and predictions, after the jump...

Finesse: Correia is a bonafide top-of-the-rotation guy, but the guy I'm excited about is Charlie Morton.  A 27-year-old prospect coming off a 2-12 season with a 7.57 ERA.  How is he only our 4th starter? 


Charlie Morton?


On the subject of statistics, are you doing fantasy baseball this year?  If you recall, you assisted me with my brief reentry into the fantasy baseball world last season, and I didn't finish in last place.  I finished in second to last.  I think my problem was that I only knew players from the last time I had done fantasy baseball -- in 1999.  Much to my dismay, guys who were good in 1999 weren't necessarily still good in 2010.

Artistry:  Can't do it this year because, despite appearances, I have a job.  But if, as expected, we're pulling in seven figures worth of ad revenue by 2012, sign me up for next spring.  The thing that is legitimately compelling about the Bucs this year is the fact that they do seem to have three potential thoroughbreds in Andrew McCutchen, Pedro Alvarez, and Jose Tabata.  McCutchen is essentially a proven commodity now.  What do you expect from the other guys?  How much mileage do you think we can get out of these kids before we trade them for a relative of Adam LaRoche and three middling prospects?

Finesse: If history has proven anything, it's that while you might finish in last place without a guy named LaRoche on your team, you will definitely finish in last place with a guy named LaRoche on your team.  Unless you're the Braves.  But back to the positives.  Yes, McCutchen, Alvarez, and Tabata seem to be legitimate major league players, and I'll throw Pittsburgh's own Neil Walker in that mix even though I'm too lazy to look  up his stats.  Always nice when your 25-man major league roster has 4 legitimate major leaguers.  As for McCutchen, I'm a big fan, but sometimes I think the hype is a little overboard.  He was .286 with 16 homers, 56 RBI, and 33 SB last year and I'm going to assume that he was batting somewhere around the middle of the order.  Is 56 RBI enough?  Or is it attributable to him being surrounded by garbage in the lineup?  Or is he already counting down his time until he is a free agent?

Artistry:  We really can't go far enough in hyping McCutchen.  I have it on good authority that he will definitely leave Pittsburgh, either as a free agent or through a trade.  Really, I have a source.  In the meantime, I think we're obligated to turn him into the second coming of Barry Bonds, so we can demand at least two LaRoche cousins for him in a trade.  The Bucs will bat him third on opening day, and he will be protected by the fearsome Lyle Overbay in the cleanup spot.  I just looked this up.

Finesse:  Just to be clear, you are talking about Lyle Overbay, not to be confused with longstanding Pittsburgh villain Lyle Odelein.  Does Overbay also think Matthew Barnaby's wife is "god-awful to look at"?

Artistry:  Ah, yes, Cornelius, from Planet of the Apes.  Different guy.  This is Lyle Overbay, who hit .243 last year.  The biggest star on the Pirates may turn out to be new manager Clint Hurdle.  He's showing a lot of enthusiasm.  I look for him to bring it every night.

Finesse: When you are talking about a baseball manager bringing it, you're talking about a 65 year-old man putting on skin tight pants to sit still for 3 hours while eating.  For Clint Hurdle, it's already been broughten.



Does any part of you feel bad for Hurdle?  He's in a no-win situation.  Not because there are two equally bad alternatives but because the only alternative is literally not winning.

Artistry:  Nah.  The only thing the guy needs to do is make periodic trips to the mound.  He'll just have to do it earlier than other managers.  Clint Hurdle is in a great position.  All he can do here is over-achieve.  If he manages to show a little fire and keep his sense of humor while losing less than a hundred games, they'll name a street after him.  Any predictions?

Finesse:  Let's break out my tried and true Pirate Prediction Formula.  The formula starts at the eternal goal for these Buccos:  81 wins.  Then, we apply the "variables."

• The Charlie Morton-effect:  Subtract 10.
• McCutchen, Tabata, Walker, Alvarez being decent:  Add 5.
• Clint Hurdle seeming like a nice guy:  Add 1.
• Charlie Morton-effect part 2:  Subtract 4.
• If Zach Duke is still on the team:  Subtract 5.
• If you just found out Duke was on Arizona from a Google search, Subtract 5 anyway because we must have gotten someone horrible for him.
• Sold out crowd on a few fireworks nights:  Add 2.
• Salary dumps at deadline:  Subtract 5.
• General indifference after finding they are 10-games out on May 1st:  Subtract 4
• Because they are the Pirates:  Subtract 1
• Hope that this will one day go away:  Add 0

Bottom line: 60-102.

And you?

Artistry:  Can't argue with your formula.  Add 2 because Dejan Kovacevic is a reassuring presence in the clubhouse.  62-100.  Let's Go Bucs.