It got me to thinking about what it would take for me to see another midden pile of a movie, Disaster Movie (a title that tells you exactly what to expect) at either the theater or on DVD.
At the theater:
- The movie features an airtight explanation for how the Kennedy Assassination went down.
- Going to see the movie at a theater results in rapid and painless weight loss to their ideal weight within minutes of leaving the theater
- Watching the movie on the big screen imbues you with some form of psychic powers beyond knowing that Disaster Movie is going to suck before you see it.
- Every Person who sees the movie gets a secret part for their car which will allow it to run on anything you put in the tank... ANYTHING.
- If I see the movie, the Church of Scientology admits it is a cult and shuts down immediately.
To Purchase it on DVD:
- A Carmen Electra/Kim Kardasian sex tape
- A credit card that will comp all my future meals to Lionsgate
- A set of pills which will prevent me from getting cancer or heart disease for the rest of my life
- A gift certificate for a free Disaster Movies of the 1970's boxset.
- The explicit promise in writing that if I buy the DVD, they will stop making these movies.
* In order not to offend the people who are boycotting Tropic Thunder, Culture Kills has instituted a policy of referring to people who have diminished capacity as having a beautiful mind, especially when referring to a particular German filmmaker, because the word retarded just isn't enough really.
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