Penguins vs. Bruins: Tale of the Tape

By GTOG Staff

[You can find the preview podcast here]

It's Eastern Conference Finals Eve, Boston vs. Pittsburgh, when thoughts of Mario Lemieux torturing Ray Bourque swirl in our heads, somewhere Andy Moog is waking up in a cold sweat, and the Tale of the Tape between these two titans becomes urgent and required reading. Our thoughts and prayers are with Ulf Samuelsson's right thigh, which is to this day still traumatized by Cam Neely's carelessness. And we wish Vladimir Ruzicka the best in his quest to forget everything that happened after his 5-point performance in Game 2 in 1991. Let's break this down.

Obstacle Overcomability

This is always our most important category, because it defines the NHL playoffs. If you can play, you can play, but if you can't overcome adversity, you can't win. The Bruins had that historic comeback against the Leafs when they were down three goals in the third period of Game 7, and down two goals with 1:22 left in regulation. Amazing, unprecedented stuff from the Bruins. But you know what else is amazing? The fact that the Toronto Maple Leafs took a 4-1 lead in Game 7 against Boston in Boston. You don't give Bill Clinton credit for still being married to Hillary because no one gets obstacle overcomeability points for overcoming themselves.

The Penguins saw Marc-Andre Fleury - arguably their most important piece of the playoff puzzle heading into round 1 - melt down against the Islanders. They're still meshing as team and figuring out who belongs in the lineup. Their captain and best player is only now setting aside a face shield that - believe it or not - limited his effectiveness. They face enormous external pressure to win and win going away. And all the Penguins are doing is getting better.

EDGE: Pens.

Read on for the rest of the categories ...

Emergeability

The bad news for the Pens is that this is one Tale of the Tape category that they can never win, at least as currently constituted.  Unless like 8 guys get hurt, we're not seeing anyone play whose ceiling we don't already know, or at least have a pretty good idea.

"Brian Dumoulin is not walking through that door!"

Torey Krug redefined emergeability in the Bruins' series, scoring 4 goals in 5 games.  But it may not even be the right kind of emergeability.  Claude Giroux showed great emergeability in 2008-09 against the Pens, then blew the doors off emergeability in '09-'10 when the Flyers went to the Cup.  That was the right kind of emergeability -- he emerged into a much better player than anyone thought he was.  What Krug did was so unexpected that it raises the question: was this emergeability or flashinthepanability?  Regardless, the Bruins may use three rookie defensemen at any point in this series.  Pretty sure everyone on the Pens has been in the league for a dozen years.

EDGE: Bruins.

Coiffability

Hair is about appearance, but it's also about trust. And if you can't trust your captain's hair, how can you trust your captain?

Here's Bruins' captain Zdeno Chara winning the Stanley Cup.

He looks like any other 6'9" man struggling with hair loss, probably figuring that no one will see the top of his head.  But here he is at the parade a few days later.

Are we really supposed to believe that it's natural for a 30+ year-old-man to magically patch-up his male pattern baldness in a few days?  Get real.

Zdeno made a deal with the devil to win that Cup. Now the debt has come due.

EDGE: Pens. 

Sex Appealability

Time to check in with the Women of GTOG for their thoughts on this always crucial factor.

Mrs. Artistry: Edge, Penguins.

Artistry's Mom: Edge, Penguins.

EDGE: Pens.

Legacyability 

This is a forward looking category -- think 10 or 15 years in the future and ask yourself whose legacy is more positively or negatively impacted by winning or losing this series.

In the upside department, the Pens have more to gain, if only because they have two players who will be far more memorable than anyone on the Bruins.  If the Pens go on to win the Cup, Crosby and Malkin each get a second Cup and become, without any further question, the two defining players of the salary cap era, which would instantly come to be known as the Sid and Geno Era.  And because of their popularity and excellence, the Penguins become the defining post-lockout team.  Fair or not, that's how life works.  If Boston wins, then they can make a better argument for having the best team post-lockout, though there will still be plenty of other teams making a case in what would be an ongoing debate.  From an individual perspective, outside of Chara, the Bruins aren't really defined as individuals -- if  they win the Cup, they'll basically have 6 or 7 guys who will be remembered like Patrick Elias is remembered.  (I mean that as a compliment).

Such a memorable face.

If the Pens lose, it won't put any sort of choker label on them, but it will be devastating.  A total wasted opportunity.  And if the Bruins lose, does their 2011 Stanley Cup deserve an asterisk because they didn't have to go through Crosby and Malkin to get there?

All of this is a long way of saying that it will be awesome if the Pens win so that we can make fun of the Bruins' Cup in 2011.

EDGE: Pens.

Spurnability 

We've made our thoughts on Jaromir Jagr clear this week, but to summarize: we're basically out of thoughts on Jagr.  It is the classic it-is-what-it-is situation.  He didn't want to play for the Pens last year.  We're over it.

"I ain't over it."

Iginla's spurning of Boston is much fresher, though unlike Jagr and unlike Marian Hossa in 2008, the Bruins never really had Iginla.  They wanted him; he wanted someone else.  There's a big difference between your rival stealing away a girl you just met at the bar and stealing away your girlfriend.

Nevertheless, this will be made into a story all while being downplayed by the Bruins' players.  If Boston loses the series, they will continue to downplay it.  But if they win?  Boy, did we show him!

EDGE: Bruins.

Annoyability

The Islanders were annoying in the way that it's annoying to play pickup basketball against a guy who hustles and sets a lot of screens.  He's not doing anything wrong, but who wants the hassle?  The only annoying thing the Senators did was make you feel guilty for beating them so badly.

The Bruins are a whole different animal in this department. Brad Marchand and Milan Lucic are this year's Wayne Simmonds and Scott Hartnell -- you want to laugh at them like you do to a Chris Neil, but they're actually good players.  Nathan Horton's face when he scores is Cammalleri-esque.  Gregory Campbell's dad works for the NHL -- not his fault, but also not our fault for hating him.  Pierre McGuire will verbally fellate Patricie Bergeron the first time he makes a good defensive play on Crosby.  Tyler Seguin has 1 goal in 12 games, so he will probably score a hat trick Game 1, and then you'll read stories about him being part of  the Phil Kessel trade and then you'll be like, "I'm already disgusted and now I'm being forced to read about Phil Kessel?"  David Krejci is going to make some sick pass that embarrasses Matt Niskanen, and then McGuire will scream, "KREJCI'S IN HIS HEAD, DOC! DAVY KREJCI IS IN MATTY NISKANEN'S HEAD, DOC!"  Jaromir Jagr will make a diving motion at Crosby while we furiously Google "Paul Pierce wheelchair."  And you know at least one of their rookie defensemen is going to goad Evgeni Malkin into a bad penalty.

You will see this face. Just be ready for it.

The Pens have their share of annoying tendencies, but there's a huge difference between the two teams.  The Bruins can win by getting under your skin.  The Pens can get under your skin by winning.

EDGE: Bruins.

Stalwartability 

Dejan Kovacevic wrote about the Letang-Chara "match-up" the other day and figured that whoever outplayed the other one would win the series.  But in reality, it's not quite that simple.  Letang doesn't need to outperform Chara -- he needs to prove that he can do for the Pens what Chara can do for Boston.  As great of a player as Letang is and can be, he hasn't anchored a defense to a Stanley Cup the way Chara did for Boston in 2011.  When the Pens won the Cup in 2009, Letang averaged 19:18 of ice time per game in the playoffs, the fifth most among Pens' defensemen, and finished with a +1 rating. When the Bruins won the Cup in 2011, Chara averaged 27:39 per game and was a +16.

This isn't to say that Letang can't do it, just that he hasn't.  Yet.  So far this post-season, Letang is averaing 27 minutes per game and could realistically end up leading the playoffs in scoring by the time it's over.  He's been that good.  But it also isn't getting any easier.

Chara isn't a target for Letang to beat. He's a measuring stick.

EDGE: Bruins.

Leadability

"I'll take this one, guys."

I like to look at life as a fraternity. Right now the fraternity is me, Tom, Drew, Aar, Joe, Eli, and Pey. I see a lot of that fraternity within these teams. You got Sid, who I'm close with, I feel comfortable just saying to him, 'hey, you know, Sid, if you ever need to shoot some ideas around or pick my brain, me and Ash will have you over any time.' Geno, too. Now they bring in Brend' and 'Rome. Boston is full of great leaders, too. It started with John. Then you had John Quincy. Bill. Larry. Now Tom. I look at their team and I see Looch and March and Kre and 'Deno and it looks a lot like a brotherhood to me. So I just keep doing what I'm doing, controlling what I'm controlling, whether it's going 8-8 with the dink-n-dunk or winning 2 Super Bowls with me throwing deep to 'Twan, 'Tone, and 'Tonio. You know, whatever the team needs. And I see a lot of myself in Sid. This one's for 'Rome.

EDGE: Pens.

Intangibility

This category is less about the more commonly discussed intangibles like leadership, toughness, want-to, really-want-do, sorta-want-to, and definitely-want-to than it is about the ultimate intangible -- whether the invisible hand of destiny will decide to intervene.  The Pens don't really have anything in this department; for Boston, the question is whether the whole Boston Strong movement in the wake of the marathon bombings is going to be an emotional factor in this series.  It's hard to imagine that it's still going to be, given the amount of tributes, anthems, Sweet Carolines, and all of the other sports-related ceremonies and memorials that have been done already and, of course, the fact that the Pens have already played there in the immediate aftermath (and won).  If anything, the emotional toll and the toll on convenience from the manhunt was a negative for Boston: they closed the regular season by going 2-5 and then nearly (and probably should have) lost to Toronto.  Now things have returned to normal and the Bruins are rested.  That's a scarier thought than destiny intervening.

EDGE: Bruins

FINAL SCORE: 5-5

Predictions

Boston can and might win this series.  They are a really good team without a lot of weaknesses the Pens can exploit. But if the Pens are who we all think they are, the Pens will win this series.  An eight day break leaves a lot of time for breaking down specific match-ups, but it all comes back to the most basic match-up: who has better players?  Unless something weird starts happening, the Pens don't have any glaring weaknesses that Boston can exploit to overcome the simple fact that the Pens have more better players.  Not much better. But better.

Pens in 6.

Big Ben's Barracks: Ben will not leave Emanuel Sanders behind

By Artistry

[Int. Kevin Colbert's office]

Steelers General Manager Colbert sits in his chair, staring at framed picture of Ray Shero.

Colbert: "I know you can't hear me, but Jesus do I need you right now."

The phone rings.

Colbert: "Kevin Colbert."

Big Ben: "KC baby, it's Ben. How you doing? Listen, I want to get out in front of this Emanuel Sanders situation."

Colbert: "I'm not sure what you mean by getting out in front of it."

Big Ben: "There's an offer on the table for Manny to go join Tom, and we have until Monday to match. I want us to go ahead and match that today, not Monday. Get out in front of the situation."

Colbert: "I see. Look, Ben, first of all, I don't know if we'll match. It's a difficult decision. Sanders is a free agent after next season, and this puts us in a position where we have to pay $2.5 million to keep him for the year. Then he likely walks away and we get no compensation. If we let him go now, we get that 3rd round draft choice. In any event, if we match it, then it doesn't matter if we do it today or Monday."

Big Ben: "While I respect you, KC and the Sunshine Band, I could not disagree more. If a soldier is on a boat that gets taken out by a torpedo, and he's still alive and clinging to a mini-glacier like in Titanic, holding on for dear life, do you tell him, oh, just wait until Monday? No. You move heaven and earth to get him out of there.

Colbert: "Ben, I....That's just not a useful analogy at all. We need to look at the big picture here."

Big Ben: "Don't tell me about the big picture. I'm 31 years old. My window isn't staying open forever. If you leave Manny stranded on that little iceberg, who do we even have left at wide receiver besides AB and Cotch?"

Colbert: "Oh, you'll have targets. We've got Kashif Moore on the roster, Derek Moye, Bert Reed....Oh dear God forgive me (starts sobbing).

Big Ben: KC? KC, you all right? The Lord forgives, the Lord forgives. Hey man, go easy. You know what? WE FORGOT PLAX. We forgot Plax.

Don't forget Plax.

Big Ben (con'd): I don't know why that didn't occur to me. It's on me for even raising this issue and making you cry, KC. You know I approve of all the eight-figure contracts you gave to James, Troy, Lamarr, Lawrence, etc. If it means we're a little tight against the cap, that's the cost of doing business with great men.

Colbert: I guess so (sobbing). Thanks for being so generous about it.

Big Ben: Listen, I've got a big heart.

Ben Roethlisberger has advice for Sid, and other news on Crosby's broken jaw

By Finesse

In the Post-Gazette this morning, Sean Hamill gives all Penguins fans at least a little reason to exhale.  He interviewed David Dattilo, the director of oral and maxillofacial surgery for West Penn Allegheny Health System, about the healing process for broken jaws held together by titanium plates.  With the obvious caveat that Dattilo is not Crosby's doctor (Sid is being treated at UPMC), the high-level overview is still (relatively) good news: Assuming no setbacks, and assuming that Sid keeps up his diet (which he surely will), he's looking at a return to action in 3-4 weeks, possibly even without special protective head gear.  The Pens' first playoff game should be May 1st, which would be 32 days (4.5 weeks) after the injury.

Crosby released an email that is notable only for the fact that it confirms that Sid's personality is unchanged by this latest injury: he remains one of the most boring quotes in professional sports.

What makes this all so wonderful is that Dattilo's Patient X for being so confident that Crosby will be back in 3-4 weeks is none other than Ben Roethlisberger.

Get ready for some leadership. 

When a Chrysler New Yorker had the unfortunate luck to crash into Roethlisberger's head in June 2006, Ben suffered a broken jaw that was reportedly treated using the same titanium plate procedure that was used on Crosby.  Big Ben, not known for missing an opportunity to be dramatic, showed up at training camp a month after the accident, none the worse for wear.

Ben at training camp in 2006 telling fans he's starting to feel a little tightness in his appendix.

It's not a coincidence that Big Ben's own plight has now been interwoven with the Penguins during the latter's potentially historic run of excellence.  We've been speculating on Twitter for the past week that Ben WILL insert himself into the Penguins' Cup push in some fashion.  That's how Ben is Ben. We assumed it just be Ben yukking it up with Mario in the owner's box, something that everyone who loves Mario simply chooses to pretend never happens.

Our reflex is to believe this is photoshopped. 

But now that his involvement is injury-related, Ben gets to be more Ben-like than even Ben thought Ben would get to be.  We reached out to Ben via email to see if he had any advice to offer Sid on recovering from a broken jaw.  Here's his reply.

I had a jaw in 2006. Having a jaw is not the same as a shoulder or a knee or a rib.  The thing is, when I had my jaw I also had a shoulder, a knee, a few ribs, and a head.  Then I got the appendix so that makes it a little different.  Anyway, the hardest part about having a jaw is that it makes it harder to communicate with my guys. Sometimes you just want to grab your men and say 'Great job, Tone,' but you can't. But one time before training camp I actually reached into my mouth, unscrewed the titanium plates, pulled Jeff Hartings aside and said, 'Great job, JH.'  We're just one big family here in Pittsburgh and I know that Sid's brothers will look out for him and I consider all those guys my brothers so I'll be looking out for them, too.  Family first.

Ben Roethlisberger: Hurt but no excuses; on track to weigh 350lbs

GTOG Staff

The NFL offseason is usually a smorgasbord of Mel Kiper trying to hold off Todd McShay's ascendance, an aging Steeler talking about brotherhood in the hopes that his emotional appeal will keep him from getting cut for another year, and Herm Edwards on the radio indiscriminately shouting, "IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE YOU HAVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT RUNNING THE FOOTBALL AND GET A HAT ON A HAT IF YOU WANNA BE A BALL CARRIER IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS TRYING TO DO WHAT YOU DO AND GET WHAT YOU GOT."  We don't pay a lot of attention to it.

But every once in a while you get a gem.  And it's almost always when Ben speaks.

Ed Bouchette scored an interview with the Leader of Men, who last week restructured his contract to clear cap space and make it clear to everyone that he was willing to carry the contracts of all his Men on his back.  Ed and Ben spent some time reflecting on last season's disappointment and how Ben is feeling this offseason.  As always, no excuses (but Ben was hurt):

"Sometimes, certain passes just weren't right. I didn't trust myself to get enough zip on it to throw it out there. I tried to guide it too much instead of just throw it. ... But that's making excuses ... I'll be better, health-wise. ... I feel great. I think I ended the season healthier than I have in a long time. I know that sounds crazy because of my ribs and chest, but I played three or four games at the end of the season and I was actually getting healthy as the season was ending. ... Not one person in this locker room ends the season 100 percent. I didn't end the season 100 percent but I felt healthier and better than I have in a long time. I'm working out earlier this year. I took one week off, one week. I have no issues."

Ben is so Ben. No word on whether he used his week off to take "mental reps" at St. Andrews Golf Club.

By the looks of his picture, there's no ceiling to how much Ben we might see when he retires. Maybe up to 350lbs worth.

More Ben, please.

GTOG Christmas Podcast: On the Steelers, Roethlisberger, and Why Everything Has Been Terrible Since We Started This Site

On this special Christmas Podtacular, we talk about the Steelers' loss to the Bengals and how we evaluate Ben Roethlisberger. We also look back on how horrible things have been since we started the blog and ask for reader/listener advice going forward. Plus a special appearance from Mrs. Artistry.

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Steelers' Playoff Hopes Dead After Loss to Bengals; Trade Roethlisberger for Kirk Cousins?

By Finesse

The Steelers' season came to a fitting end yesterday after a game full of sustained incompetence, inexplicable coaching, and a legacy-impacting stink bomb from Big Ben.  We will have full analysis on our podcast tonight, but here are a few quick thoughts.

- Roethlisberger emptied his entire arsenal of "This one's on me" after the game yesterday, and that's how it should be.  Not only was he mediocre during his best moments yesterday, but looming over him the entire game was the one question that, when lingering, is often the kiss of death for quarterbacks: when is the backbreaking interception coming?

First quarter:

@gtogartistry Might as well. I'll text you when we have our game losing fourth quarter turnover.
— GTOG Finesse (@GTOGFinesse) December 23, 2012

And moments before the interception on the game-losing 4th quarter drive:

Really nervous about pick 6 here
— GTOG Finesse (@GTOGFinesse) December 23, 2012

Zero confidence in Ben
— GTOG Finesse (@GTOGFinesse) December 23, 2012

Gone are the days when you could arguably include Roethlisberger in the discussion of "which QB do I want down a score in the 4th quarter?"  It's not like he's bad now -- I'm still glad he's the Steelers' quarterback -- but his resume is increasingly filled with "what ifs?" and "this one's on me."  What's most frustrating about all of this is that despite the two Super Bowls he already has, he is the only reason that he doesn't have more.

Remember the three picks in the 2004 AFC title game? Remember these stats from 2006: 75.4 QB rating, 18 TDs, 23 interceptions, 8-8 record?  Remember the three picks in the wild card loss to the Jaguars?  Remember the five game losing streak and no playoffs in 2009? (Yes, Dennis Dixon lost one of those games).  Remember that the six games Roethlisberger lost in 2009 were decided by 3, 3, 6, 3, 3, and 7 points? Remember the heinous pick-6 against the Packers in a Super Bowl the Steelers lost by 6 points?  Remember the horribly discombobulated 2-minute drill the Steelers butchered at the end of that game?  Remember the three sacks he took on the final 4th-quarter drive against Denver in last year's playoff game that kept the Steelers from getting in field goal range?  And remember the game-losing plays this year to Denver, Dallas, and now Cincinnati?

And remember this?

And remember this press conference?

And remember this press conference?

There's arguably an excuse for every one of these games -- injuries, bad offensive line, "he put them in a position to be there in the first place" -- but the fact remains that the negatives are adding up.  Two Super Bowls is potentially a hall-of-fame career, and even the best QBs don't win the Super Bowl every year.  But the "he left plays on the field" cliche is ever more applicable to Roethsliberger.  The Steelers will only go as far as he takes them.  Unfortunately, he limits himself.

None of this is meant to denigrate what he has accomplished, which is incredibly impressive.  It's just to say that no longer does the conversation about his legacy begin and end with "That guy's a winner."  It may still begin that way, but there's a "but."

- Obviously, the Steelers shouldn't trade Roethlisberger for Kirk Cousins, or anyone for that matter.  That's something we call the "Recoil Test" -- the best measure of a player's worth is your gut reaction to suggestions for trading him.  And I threw up on myself typing that headline.  So, yes, let's keep Ben.

- The Steelers' defense was very good yesterday.  We thought all along that the defense would be the downfall of this team.  What a shame that it now seems like another year of a good defense wasted.

- Having said that, like the playoff loss to Jacksonville 5 years ago, maybe this loss is a blessing in disguise.  Going 7-9 is a lot less damaging to the team's legacy than losing 45-14 in New England in the first round of the playoffs would have been.

- We will break down all the implications of the Steelers loss on tonight's podcast.  Make sure to watch for it.

GTOG Podcast: Steelers lose to Cowboys; will they make the playoffs?

Podcast on the Steelers, Ben vs. his coaches, Antonio Brown, other football stuff, and brief discussion of the Bachelorette wedding between JP and Ashley.

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The Truth About the Steelers

By Artistry

A couple of games into this virtually unwatchable NFL season, we noted that the Steelers were one Ben Roethlisberger injury away from being Cleveland. Little did we know that we were a subsequent Byron Leftwich self-inflicted rib trauma away from agreeing with Cleveland.

But that shouldn't obscure a larger truth about this team: it's about as durable as the love of a Bachelorette.

Clean-up of JEF's heart on aisle 5.

The Steelers have averaged almost 10 players a week on the injury report. Mike Tomlin press conferences have turned into lengthy recitations of names and corresponding battered body parts.

"Antonio has an ankle. 'Shard has a heel. Ben has an aorta. Troy has a calf."

Lots of teams have long injury reports, you say. True, but usually they don't mean anything. Take the Baltimore Ravens in Week 12. They had 16 names on the injury report, and 13 of those players were listed as "probable."

Contrast that with Pittsburgh, where Ryan Clark, David Decastro, James Harrison, Rashard Mendenhall, Jonathan Dwyer, Troy Polamalu, Marcus Gilbert, Lamarr Wooley, Maurkice Pouncey, Isaac Redman, Stevenson Sylvester, Jason Worrlds, Antonio Brown, Byron Leftwich, Jericho Cotchery, Willie Colon, Mike Adams, and Ben Roethlisberger have all missed time. Most of the starting lineup has been out for multiple games.

Does any of this mean we won't make the playoffs? No. Even if we concede this week, Ben can come back reasonably healthy in week 14, we can win 3 of the last 4 against the Chargers, Cowboys, Bengals, and Browns, and the bet here is we get in. But will it be painful to watch? I'm afraid that as far as that question goes, the standard is the standard.

Big Ben's Barracks: Plax is Back!

By Artistry

Plaxico Burress is coming home to Pittsburgh.  For Ben Roethlisberger, the memories came flooding back on Tuesday when he heard the news.

"Remember that time Plax caught the ball over the middle, jumped up, and spiked the ball, not realizing the play was still live?"  Big Ben's eyes lit up as he reminisced about his old friend.  "And then, remember that time he shot himself in the leg?"

Yes!

With Jericho Cotchery and Antonio Brown banged up heading into the Week 12 matchup in Cleveland, the Steelers are turning for help to their now 35-year-old former first-round draft pick.  Can Burress recapture his past glory?

"Plaxico is in very good physical condition, from what I saw today," Coach Mike Tomlin said after watching game tape of Plaxico Burress from 2004.

"It doesn't really matter," Roethlisberger observed.  "It's always better to have more of your Men than fewer of your Men. The more Men the better, I always say."

The Steelers also signed former Tom Brady back-up quarterback Brian Hoyer as insurance for when Charlie Batch breaks his hip this Sunday. Said Roethlisberger, "Hm? OK."

GTOG RECAP: Brett Keisel and James Harrison are already trying to get a running start at Brandon Weeden; Steelers lose to Ravens 13-10

By GTOG Staff

Subject to the possible premise-killing caveat that last night was the best game the Steelers' defense has played in over a year, let's explore the following premise: the Steelers' defense could have and should have won the game.  Joe Flacco was ripe for a strip-sack all night.  He was just a tall, over-confident, unibrowed statue standing in the pocket, unable to complete a pass downfield, just begging to have the ball swiped from him.  Unfortunately, it's not 2009.

The Good Ol' Days

The most glaringly obvious area of decline for the Steelers this year is wearing number 92.  Until his late "sack" of Joe Flacco (the result of great coverage and a good decision by Flacco to not risk an incomplete pass to stop the clock), the only indication that James Harrison was even playing was because Chris Collinsworth wouldn't stop talking about him.  Collinsworth was either watching a game tape from 2009 or hasn't watched a Steeler game since 2009, but what we saw from Harrison was an enormous amount of nothing.  Ditto for Brett "Key" Keisel, who committed yet another terrible late game offsides penalty (he did the same against Oakland).  If he doesn't go offsides, Baltimore punts coming out of the 2-minute warning.  But he did go offsides, Baltimore ran another play, Harrison got a sack that he's still over-celebrating, and the Steelers got the ball back with no timeouts, 65 seconds on the clock, and a quarterback throwing like the 40mph machine at the batting cages.  Players tend to try to cheat the snap count when they know they can't get to the QB otherwise.

Actual game photo of James Harrison from last night

While we're nitpicking the end of the 4th quarter, let's not let Tomlin's clock management off the hook. With the Ravens facing 3rd-and-7 with 2:09 left and the clock running, Tomlin decided to use his final timeout at 2:04.  Had he not called timeout, the clock hits the 2-minute warning and the Ravens have a tough decision: 1) run the ball and force the Steelers to use their final timeout, or 2) throw for the first down but risk an incomplete pass that would stop the clock and leave the Steelers with a timeout remaining.  By calling the timeout at 2:04, Tomlin allowed the Ravens to run a pass play without the downside of stopping the clock on an incomplete pass -- the clock had to stop anyway at the 2-minute warning, so of course they were going to throw for the first down.  It turned out to be somewhat moot because the Ravens chose Option 3: wait for Key to jump offsides to burn even more time.

The standard is the standard.

Of course, the Steelers' defense didn't cost the Steelers the game.  In fact, it's the only reason this was a game in the first place, yielding only 3 points (the other 10 were special teams and a gift from Mike Wallace).  It was the unit's best performance in a very long time, and maybe the best game Swaggin' U has played in ... ever?  We leave this game with unexpected confidence in the defense, and feeling thoroughly unimpressed with Baltimore.

So let's talk about Byron Leftwich after the jump...

Pro Bowl grimace.

Where was Charlie Batch last night? We understand that Byron Leftwich is a warrior who graduated from the Ben Roethlisberger School of Histrionic Leadership, but he's also a man who fell untouched onto the grass, injured his ribs, and threw fielding practice for the rest of the game. And he hasn't won a start since 2006.  Charlie Batch is fragile, but he wins games. With word coming out this afternoon that Leftwich has broken ribs and is out for the game against Cleveland, it's time to invest in Charlie Batch.  Because if history has proven anything, it's that investing with Charlie Batch is a great decision.

- During halftime the Steelers celebrated their 80 year anniversary by honoring team alumni.  They should have kept Troy Polamalu out there just in case.

- There were a few moments in the 4th quarter of the game that really crystallized what needs to happen this offseason: 1) Rashard Mendenhall failing to realize he needed to get out of bounds with less than two minutes to go in the game and no timeouts; 2) James Harrison celebrating his first sack - nay, his first discernible play - of the game, apparently not realizing an incomplete pass would have actually been far better under the circumstances; and 3) Mike Wallace making no effort to help his QB by coming back to the ball to scoop up that short-armed 2nd and 11 pass.

All of these guys should be gone this spring.

• Mendenhall because Dwyer is a better runner, plain and simple (we would have run him twice when the Steelers had 3rd and short from the 5, down 6 in the 4th quarter).
• Harrison because he makes a fortune, isn't good anymore, and scares women and children. He's entered the 2011-Alexi-Kovalev phase of his career where he gets tired in the middle of the play, sits down, and hopes for the best.
• Mike Wallace because it would be really exhausting having to talk after every game about all the plays our $10 million man left on the field. 

On the positive side of things...

- Keenan Lewis is a Pro Bowl player. Maybe not this year, but it's coming.

 - We've called out the front 7 all season for what we diagnosed as Perpetual Inability To Stop Anyone Disorder (PITSAD). Last night, save for the inability to get sacks when the secondary was covering better than ever, they looked like the old Steelers, holding Baltimore to 47 yards on 23 carries.

- The Ravens are 8-2, but they aren't scaring anyone and probably won't maintain their current spot as the #2 seed.  The Patriots are in their typical November run-up-the-score mode, so 13-3 is hardly out of the question for them.  Peyton Manning is doing the same thing that Phil Rivers is doing every week except the exact opposite: he's getting better.  The Ravens, on the other hand, have at least 4 lose-able games (PIT, DEN, NYG, CIN), and Joe Flacco is worse on the road than Amanda Bynes.

- From the Steelers' perspective, this loss is devastating in the division race but likely won't have much impact on the wild-card race.  As we discussed on our podcast live from Ben's hospital room, 9-7 should be good enough to get at least the final wild-card spot, and maybe even the #5 seed.  Right now, the Steelers and Colts are both 6-4 and the Bengals are hanging around at 5-5.  Everyone else is horrible.  If all the Steelers do over the last 6 games is beat the Browns twice and win at home against Cincy, 9-7 with the tiebreaker over the Bengals should suffice.

And assuming 9-7 would suffice, and assuming Big Ben comes back, there's no question which division leader we'd like to see in Round 1.

GTOG Podcast Live from Mercy Hospital: Ben Roethlisberger's Life Threatening Injury

We report live from Mercy hospital on the status of Ben Roethlisberger's life-threatening injury. This is an exclusive scoop that no one else has.*

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*We also discuss whether Game 4 in 1992 against the Blackhawks was Mario's most dominant performance, aesthetically.  The pass we discuss is around the 5:35 mark.

Big Ben Roethlisberger Makes Sure the World is Watching; Steelers Win 16-13

By Finesse

Ben Roethlisberger sustained what might be a very significant shoulder injury in last night's 13-10* overtime "win" over the Chiefs, a game so boring and so tedious that Artistry, for the first time in his life, fell asleep during the game.  He awoke with no regrets.

The highlight of the game, if not the highlight of the entire season, occurred after Ben went into the locker room to have his shoulder examined.  He stepped gingerly from the examination room into the bowels of Heinz Field.  He puffed out his chest.  He put on his serious face.  And then he did what only Seven can do: he turned and made sure the ESPN cameras were watching.

Seven being Seven.

If Ben misses any extended period of time, the Steelers are in big trouble.  And if our best defensive players are launching themselves at receivers with a technique more likely to cause concussions than if they had just smashed each other over the head with sledge-hammers, we may want to temporarily hold off on booking hotels for wild card weekend.

* I'm being told that the final score of the game was actually 16-13, but that would imply a scenario far too predictable to have actually happened: the Steelers' "Number One Against the Pass" defense gives up a 4th and 15 to Matt Cassel that leads to the tying field goal, but then capitalizes on an abominable interception from Cassel that essentially hands the Steelers the win.  That would be exactly how we would have predicted the final 2 minutes of this game to play out, but life never goes according to script.**

** Unless the Steelers' pass defense and Matt Cassel are prominently involved.

GTOG Podcast: We talk the Steelers' big win, plus election analysis and NHL Lockout watch

It's a power-packed podcast on Election Eve.  Find out our state-by-state prediction, plus Steelers and NHL talk.  It's the GTOG Podcast.

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GTOG Podcast: The Election, Halloween, Big Ben, the NHL Lockout, and more

With Hurricane Sandy behind us, we assess the election; government postponement of Halloween; Steelers-Giants; Ben's command of Eli, Phil and Matt; the NHL Lockout; and much more. It's the GTOG Podcast.

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Young cadets.

GTOPG: This one's for the kid with hypothermia sitting next to me at the game; Steelers Win, 27-12

By Artistry

Do you know why the NFL is the most popular sports league in America?  It's not because it's not baseball, though that helps.  It's not because it's not the NHL, which is more dysfunctional than the Lohan family.  It's not because when we write about the NBA, we're totally joking.  Here's why the NFL is the most popular league in America: you can stay home and watch it on TV and you're not missing anything.  In fact, it's better!  You can see more stuff, you feel comfortable having your kids with you, you don't have to pee in a trough while touching elbows with men wearing helmets and war paint, you're probably the only angry drunk person in the room.  I could keep going.  And if you, like me, went to Heinz Field for the game against the Redskins on Sunday, I'm betting you found yourself thinking some of the same thoughts when you finally got to your cold, wet seat like 10 minutes into the first quarter. Don't even get me started about how these days it takes an hour just to get into the stadium because a bunch of teenagers with electric wands are taking their sweet time scanning your innocent, poncho-wearing ass.  DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED.  I sat down, looked to my left, and saw a young kid wrapped in a raincoat in what looked to be a catatonic state.  He wasn't having any fun.  He wasn't even moving.  Conditions were not perfect.

I think I peed next to him.

Still, it's not every hurricane-warning Sunday that you get to see Robert Griffin III Jonathan Dwyer play live. Some thoughts on the Steelers, after the jump... 


- We'll give the Steelers credit for bottling up RGIII, but let's not get carried away. His receivers dropped no fewer that 10 passes, at least two in the end zone. Then Griffin overthrew his tight end who is not Chris Cooley when the guy was sprinting wide open down the sideline. The Steelers are who we thought they were:  they have a defense that's managed 12 sacks and 3 interceptions in 7 games.  If you have them on your fantasy team, it's really time to consider why you still have them on your fantasy team.  

- This was fun though (via SteelersDepot.com):

- There are also a couple of things about Monday's Ron Cook column that we particularly enjoyed. Ron Cook is really setting the agenda this week. First, this notion that Ben has a few people that tell him things when he needs to know them. Ben believes he is in this way very much like the president - he lives in a bubble, so he must rely on a cadre of close advisors who are not so intimidated that they won't tell it like it is.  Second, the part where Ben says he really wants to get 1,000 yards rushing for his career, even though he is not about the numbers.  The "you know me, I'm usually not into numbers, but" is maybe the most Ben of any Ben-ism. "You know me, [insert something showing Christ-like humility here], but [insert something awesome here]."

Ben

- Tuesday, as media outlets across this great nation remind us what it means to cover breaking news, Ron Cook writes about how everybody thought the Steelers defense was old and slow, but that was premature, no wait, they did look old and slow, but no! They aren't old and slow! Don't you see? Everyone jumped the gun, writes Ron Cook. But if they lose to the Giants? Old and slow again. Isn't that something, the way life goes, Ron Cook wonders.  

- Great game by Ben. Totally in command of the men.

- Ryan Clark and Polamalu are likely out next week against the Giants.  Yikes.

- Drew Butler stat line: 3 punts, 152 yards. What a weapon.