Monday, March 4, 2013

Alpha Mail: what's a woman to do?

AM asks how, as a thirty-something non-carousel rider, she is expected to navigate an increasingly difficult marriage marketplace:
I am a 32 year old woman of Indian descent that was raised in a extremely Christian and god-fearing household and am still single.

I need some advice on finding a husband. I really don't know what to do and thought you might have some suggestions. I was reading 3rd Millenium Men and they were listing 7 reasons Not to Seriously Date Girls over 30 (and I am 32). I am not disputing that the guy has given valid reasons for this. I am human. I can't help the fact that I am probably hitting the wall (though I and my family are relatively youthful looking, I don't or never got into the party lifestyle, rarely drink alcohol, eat relatively healthy and exercise so it might take longer), my fertility is declining and maybe a bit emotional but does that mean I have to prepare for a life of spinsterhood? This search isn't new, I have been at this for several years and it has become very discouraging, my mother started helping when I turned 25 as arranged marriages are very popular in our culture (and I am open to them). I promise, I was never one of those women that wanted to put off marriage and family for a career. I did go to college, but now have a low paying dead end office job. I really did want to get married and have children by now. I would have married in college if I found any guy that I liked that much.

The positives about me (I think) is that I have no ex boyfriends to speak of and have never had sex, as I think it is something important to save for marriage. I have never  I am relatively attractive and am not fat or have been overweight. I have waist length hair, no grays. While you might call this "Churchanity", I attend church every Sunday (and no there aren't any single guys remotely in my age range) and Bible Study Fellowship every Monday.

The negatives about me is that I am extremely shy and socially awkward. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, which I inherited, which I don't want to take drugs for but would change my diet. I rarely went out in college or in my twenties, not even to safe, Christian centered events. While people like me, I don't have any close friends. I can cook (or at least can easily learn to do so, I do cook and bake for my self and family) I am not the best housekeeper.

My mother says I should pray to god about this and look presentable, and that is the extent of it. Do you have anything that I might not have thought of, or should I got to the nearest animal shelter and adopt a dog and prepare for spinsterhood?
It's really up to AM.  If she is going to continue to be ruled by her shyness and social awkwardness, she probably is going to end up alone.  The rules have changed and the low deltas and gammas of the world are no longer expecting or even trying to find wives, not with the ready availability of Female Alternatives such as porn and games combined with a decade or more of invisible sexual maturity.

If she wants it, she has to be prepared to seek it out and find it.  There are plenty of delta/gamma Indian men in the programming world; it can't be that hard to figure out where they are and what is of interest to them.  But then, the decision has to be made to go and let it be known that she is available and interested in pursuing marriage and children.

Feminized churchianity has all but driven off all the men under 40, so it's not a very good place to meet a Christian man these days.  Does anyone else have any suggestions?  Unfortunately, AM serves as an example of how the uncontrolled behavior of some women makes life that much more difficult even for those who behave in a more traditional manner.

In the meantime, she shouldn't get too down over the androsphere rhetoric.  Most men over the age of 35 are perfectly open to marrying a woman in her thirties, particularly early thirties, regardless of the arguments presented against it.  The only relevant point is that 32 is a little late to be extraordinarily picky about the men on offer; she shouldn't make the mistake of the forty-something laundry list cat collector and turn up her nose at a fundamentally decent man who might be lacking in a few areas.

No comments:

Post a Comment